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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Why I am incompatible with the American social environment

Here are the main reasons why America has a lame social scene that I’m incompatible with, some of which I’ve already elaborated on above:

1) I do not fit the cultural ideal of a male in this country at all, so most women here will never consider me as even a friend, even if we have a lot in common. I am simply viewed as an out-of-bounds non-factor.

2) American women in general are unapproachable and don't talk to strangers. They don’t meet people unless it’s through mutual friends. If I attempt to meet them or interact with them for other non-business related reasons, then they see me as a creep, , or psycho. Hence, I'm theoretically not allowed to act on my desires, express or pursue them. (Or, I am allowed to have desires, as long as I don’t act on them without permission from women, which they never give me anyway). But, as I have strong desires and passions for sex and romance with females, this is unacceptable to me and a form of constant inner torture.

3) I tend to prefer the company of women over men, finding them more interesting, challenging and stimulating. I don’t enjoy the company of men unless they are interesting in some way or very intelligent or intellectual. The average guy, who is macho, bragging, exaggerating, and arrogant, just plain bores me and has nothing to offer or contribute to me. Thus, I tend to have more female friends and acquaintances than male. But the problem with that in America is that overwhelmingly, only the men are social and easy to meet, while the women are generally the exact opposite. Instead, they are closed, paranoid, defensive, stuck up, and cliquish. In no other country have I ever seen such a difference in the sociability of the two genders. Thus, in the US I tend to be limited to male friends and acquaintances, which is not my preference as stated above. So to put it simply: I prefer the company of women over men, generally speaking, but in America generally only the men are sociable while the women are not.

4) In the US, people in general do not talk to strangers unless it's business-related or they need directions. If you’re lonely, there’s not much you can do about it. The only socially acceptable places to meet people in America are at parties, and sometimes at bars and clubs (which tend to be predisposed to cliquishness too). Therefore, only party animals and club hoppers get to meet people actively, which to me is unnaturally restrictive and suffocating. Since I’m not one of them, my social niche doesn’t work in America. It’s not that I dislike parties or that I am shy and introverted, far from it. I enjoy them, but I am just not a regular party-goer type, and besides, most party-goers in the US are not people I resonate with or enjoy being around.

5) There are two general types of people in America that most, though not all, fit into – the productive conformist types whose lives revolve around work/career and their home routine, and those considered fun, cool, outgoing types whose lives revolve around parties, clubs, bands and concerts. I don't click or resonate with either type.

In most other countries and continents though, the above factors do not pose an obstacle to me. Russia, most of Europe, South America, some of Asia, Africa, even Australia are areas that come to mind. Social scenes are much more open, warm, inviting, flow smoothly, naturally, and less uptight and inhibited. And women are approachable and do not view me as low social status.

Simply put, I’m not materialistic, I’m not a workaholic, and the girls aren’t approachable to me, so what does America have to offer me exactly? Not much, I’m afraid.

Social skills with the flow vs. against the flow

I would surmise that different sets of social skills are required in different environments, just as different behaviors are appropriate around different people. It is not a case of “one social skill” fits all. In my case, trying to be social in America the way I am social in foreign countries doesn’t fit the flow, vibe, rhythm, communication style, or behavior of the collective consciousness there. Trying to do so feels like playing a song out of tune. It just doesn’t fit or jive. I don't know why, but I would venture that most who are on my wavelength or frequency feel the same. The wild, uninhibited side of me feels very much against the flow in America. When that happens, it may seem as though I lack social skills, when in reality I merely have a different set of social skills which doesn’t fit the tempo of the social environment I’m in.

I have even tested this by pretending in America that I’m still in Russia, acting and socializing the exact same way, yet getting completely different results.

I know that there are many outgoing sociable people in the US, so it's possible to be that way, however, they are outgoing and sociable on a different frequency or wavelength than me, which makes me feel awkward and unnatural to try to emulate. It’s as if the way they are social though, is with this weird artificial front that I don’t wish to emulate in order to jive with them.

On the other hand, when I am outgoing and sociable in Russia, Europe or most countries of the world, I feel like I'm going "with the flow". Thus, I thrive much more in foreign social scenes, which are more fun and inclusive, flowing naturally the way it should be. I can meet people of all types any time I want in such environments, and it feels totally natural and "with the flow". I feel much more natural synergy with the people and environment. And I definitely share a “kindred spirit” much more with Europeans than with Americans in general.

So it seems that being outgoing or fitting in with others here requires a different type of social skills than in other countries. In some countries, my social skills and communication fits the flow and has synergy with the people there. But in others, it doesn’t.

This may all be a bit difficult for some to visualize, and it’s not easy for me to describe either. It’s a flow that you just have to experience, though I admit that not everyone will experience or perceive a “flow”, “rhythm” or “vibe” the same way, as individual perceptions vary.

Here is an example of what I mean. These are words of some typical airhead valley girls to their girlfriends on These are the type of people who are part of the “cool crowd” in America, and fit the party animal scene. In other words, this is how “cool people” talk in America. Not only are the words airheadish to the extreme, but very cliquish and exclusive in nature as well, not the kind of talk a third person can join in on.

“J-TELL!!!!!!!!! GIRLFRIEND!!!! i miss u liken ens!!! YOu better be holding it down in BHAM for me MISSAYY.......i cant wait to hang out with you..i wish u were here with us KPJ i mean come on now haha welll my dear have a lovely night babyyyyyy!!!!!!! FRIDAY Night and i belive tomorrow is APRIL FOOLS DAY GIRL!! HAHA U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!heheH love ya girl!!!”

3/31/2006 4:42 PM

JENNIFER..its comingg to walla wallaa....HAHAHA WOOO let kayla know that...its time TO Getttt wild..i will be arriving..on APRIL 21sts....YEAY im so excited jenn I LOVE YOUU andd i cant wait to see you...haha take me to the wild whitman parties please?? haha...oh LOrd ...maybe we can lie to peopel again and pretend we are twins..or whatever we was funny...hahaN E WAtys ya..and im really excited to se the way..I have a permission slip all signed and ready..tell LC hahaha :-)


3/27/2006 8:41 PM

hahaha JENNNN..i LOVE you...haha OBTAIN A PERMISSION SLIP?????well MISSYYY...let me tell you..maybe we can just transfer the trampoline permission slip over to the partying one?? do u think LYD could hook it up??...i thikn she could pull it off...CREWWW.hahahaha oh lord..well coming...prob this month..sooo BEtter be on the lookout for some..feLLUZzz we cannnnnn Parttyyy it up with“

As you can see, the words, tone, and wavelength are very airheadish and artificial. It’s like in order to fit into these girls’ “flow” you have to adopt the same tone and wavelength. Now look at how I write here in this treatise which reveals my flow of thought which is organized, insightful, focused and articulate. How the hell am I supposed to resonate, click or fit into the flow of such people who are considered the “cool crowd”? In fact, how the hell am I even supposed to hold a basic conversation with them?! They are like empty bags of air! Sheesh, nowhere else on Earth do young people talk like that, so airheadish and artificial.

1 comment:

  1. Dear sir,

    You have made me extremely happy today. I too live in California and am of Asian descent. For my entire life, I have been socially awkward and rejected in school and other areas. Although I do have a lot of friends, I've always seemed to notice that my social skills differed from the "norm". I've always seen myself as outgoing, funny and nice but when I tend to over do it at times and thus lose friends and respect. I've always thought that I was the only person like this but when I found your site and read about your experiences, it described me exactly and now I know that I do not have to conform to American society. Throughout my past 3 years in High School, I've been changing almost every bit of myself in hopes of becoming popular again and having friends, but to no avail. Hopefully, I can become an expat and live in France or other part of Europe and enjoy the same success as you.

    Thank you so much!


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