Comments on America vs. Europe: What you aren't supposed to say!

An Italian related this joke about Americans to me:

“When the UN distributed this questionnaire:

‘What is your opinion on how to reduce food shortage to the rest of the world?’

The European replied: ‘What is shortage?’

The African replied: ‘What is food?’

The Chinese replied: ‘What is opinion?’

The American replied: ‘What is the rest of the world?’”

He then added:

“Over here in Italy, one thing that does not lack is culture and interest to the "rest of the world"”

A Dutch girl in the states who read this collection of quotes, wrote these observations about the deficiencies of this country:

“Winston,

I was referred to your webpage by a friend of mine who is from Germany. She had sent me one of your articles and I decided to explore further on your web page. I found the article titled " what immigrants and foreigners say about America that you never hear in the U.S. Media" very funny and completely accurate. I am glad that there are people out there who realize that the U.S. is not everything. My friend and I always talk about this type of stuff, and it makes me very happy to see that WE are not the only ones who feel this way and get upset about it. Because we feel we cannot express ourselves fully without getting a strange look or some kind of disagreement. (It is as if we are emotionally in jail.)

…………………

I also, personally, do not like the egotistic, and independent life style that exists here. For Americans, the world is the U.S. and if lucky, Canada and Mexico is included with that. (look at the world cup in baseball... how long have the Americans won that.. oh hold on.. only the U.S. plays in it hahaha {stupid if you ask me}!!!) People in the U.S are so uneducated about life out of the U.S. that I have been asked whether Amsterdam is a country (in which "Holland" is the capital I suppose)!!!! Also, the independent life style is so weird to me. People don't even know their own neighbors here, where is in Europa, we are "taught" to work together. We do know our neighbors, in fact, during World Cups or Euro Cups, a lot of streets put out T.V.'s and couches and chairs and the whole street sits behind that one T.V. with a beer in the hand, enjoying not only the game, but also the company of their neighbors.

I also feel that we do not live to work, but work to live and are not as materialistic as people are in the U.S. I can personally say that as a child I may not have had everything that I wanted, but I did have everything that I needed. In the U.S., most children get what they want so that they will shut up for another week, but often do not get the love, affection, respect and help that they need from their family members( other words, they get what they want, not what they need.)

Unfortunately I'm bounded to the U.S. because of family, how ever, I do hope to be back in Europa within the upcoming 5 years because there is no place like home ;-D

Thanks for being an outlet, and it is good to know that I'm not the only one. I feel a whole lot better already! hahahaha”

A reader from Greece wrote me the following:

“Hello Winston,

My name is ****** and I am from Athens, Greece. I came across your web site while googling trying to find web sites with articles about the differences between Europeans and Americans. I am writing an essay for one of my courses at college and I needed that kind of info. I have to admit that I was hooked up by your articles. Many of the situations that you describe were like a revelation to me. You see, many foreigners including me have a completely different image of every day life in America especially influenced by the various hollywood movies and american tv series. I had never expected that things were so horrible. You know, I also used to hate living in Greece but after what I read about the states I think I changed my mind a little bit. Anyway, the reason i'm writing is first to congratulate you for your courage to write about this stuff and let everyone know that America is not the ideal paradise that everyone imagines. I would be really interested in getting your e-book , I think it would be very helpful for my essay. Do I have to pay anything or can you send it to me for free? By the way, if you happen to know any more good web sites about the cultural and general differences between american and european lifestyles, you would be more than welcome to send them to me.

That's all for now! Thanks for your time and don't give up. There are 200 countries out there, America IS NOT the whole world, unlike many of your countrymen believe. I think if more americans had the opportunity to travel more and see different countries and different lifestyles it would be a very pleasant cultural shock to them and they would start realizing that they should change a lot of things about their lives. That way America would start becoming a better place.

???!!!!”

A man married to a woman of Dutch descent related the couple’s feelings about the US:

“We, like yourself, are just tired of the consumerist lifestyle here in the states. Corporate greed has reached all time highs here, and we are sick of it. We are also tired of the general ignorance of the people here. So many times when my wife tells someone she is Dutch, she gets responses about wooden shoes....and thats if we are lucky. Most people have no idea where it is on a map....... Thank you so much for letting others see that they are not alone in their general disgust with American society and politics.”

A young Asian American female college student that I met while traveling wrote me later:

“I feel like I'm dying in the U.S. because of lack of like-minded people. When I was abroad in Europe 2 summers ago it seemed like people were more willing to go deep……… I find myself constantly questioning why I am dissatsified here. And even though I have many men interested in me here, I can't help but wonder if it would be easier for me to find a "soulmate" or an awesome social life abroad-- from the few times I've travelled I've met amazing men that were able to converse at a deeper emotional and spiritual level than men in the U.S. I don't know if it is a cultural thing, but I hate how disconnected I feel here, and this nagging sense that I'm missing out on life or wasting my youth.”

She also noted:

"Hi Winston,

I was just talking to someone in the newsroom where I work about his trip to Eastern Europe. He mentions that even though the people are poor, they are exceedingly happier than people in the U.S. and that he had to "shut off the sarcasm filter" because he was so floored by their hospitality, kindness, genuity, and innocence. He mentioned that the pace of life was slower and that unlike the U.S., which is task-oriented and focused on time and quality of life materially, they were focused on quality of life socially, and that there was an interconnectedness and contentedness that is missing from the U.S. There wasn't that additional layer of superficiality and deception/mask/distance that you have to deal with in social interactions in the U.S."

On the same discussion forum thread about my site, a German exchange student gave the following classic example of meeting people in the US vs. Europe:

http://reddit.com/info/22ggh/comments

“saprian 2 points 6 days ago

My experience here might be specific to the area were I'm staying (when I say US, I technically talk about the state I'm staying in), but I found for example that people in the US don't seem to make friends in classes; I found that pretty weird.

Let me give you an example that I found pretty striking. During my stay here I started to take dance classes. I found if I run into somebody from the class somewhere they would ignore me, not say hello, and in some cases even break eye-contact and all that, unless (!) we had officially been introduced, talked with each other or danced at the class. They treated me like a complete stranger.

When I went home to Germany for a couple of weeks I found a local dance-school and went to one of their practice sessions. On my way home at the train station I run into a couple I had seen at the dance; we hadn't talked, danced or been introduced to each other. We made eye-contact and started talking (and that was 2am at night at a deserted train station) - it was the most natural thing in the world and the conversation was very warm and friendly.”

2 Asian American intellectuals explain why they left America

An Asian American intellectual who dropped out of the police academy in the US and moved abroad, gained these insightful observations after being overseas:

“Let's face it America is good for some things like making money, developing stable businesses, and enjoying the natural landscape however the standard of living is highly overrated and downright poor in many respects. People in America are stressed, sexless, annoyed, and angry most of the time. You can see it in mainstream American culture, the macho bullshit posturing, the elitism, and the feminist nonsense. I know some people will deny this and call us "pathetic" for our choices but I know too many American expats from all walks of life who are happily living abroad to discount this as mere coincidence. The english speaking western world has really pigeonholed itself as a moralistic, productive, and order based society but I feel the more you order and categorize people's lives the less happy they are. I’m not even going to get into all the racial discrimination, social politics, and other nonsense that pervades every aspect of American life either. Let’s just say that I’m sure you know about as much as I do how bad it can be as an asian minority in the U.S. Actually, it’s not even a race thing these days. I find a lot of my friends from ALL racial backgrounds to express how sick and tired they are of the bullshit they face in daily American life. However, the vast majority of these guys will never leave. They just don’t have the options on the table because they set down responsibilities and roots that will not allow them that mobility. I feel for them, if only they knew..

Once you go abroad it’s difficult to go back. My first extended experience living overseas opened my eyes in a variety of ways. People will always be people but I believe that culture is the single biggest influence on people. There is definitely something wrong with America in this respect. America may be a lot of good things..productive, prosperous, and relatively free but the socialization of its citizens is much less advanced than other (much more economically poorer) countries I’ve been in. The way I look at it quality of life isn’t just all about money. It’s about what you can do with yourself in that society and how comfortable you feel around others. In America I was never truly “comfortable” but always felt tense or slightly agitated at the people around me. There’s definitely a hostility and tenseness to social interaction there that I don’t feel anywhere else. That’s a lot of negativity to deal with daily so it’s not surprising that out of all industrialized first world countries Americans generally have the least healthy lifestyles and shortest overall life spans.”

Another Asian intellectual who moved to Europe had this to say about why he left the US:

“The reason I left the U.S. was because I found it to be a profoundly depressing and soulless existence living in North America. I hate life in U.S. suburbs the most. Cookie-cutter houses. Endless strip malls filled with the same stores (Blockbuster, McDonalds, etc). Having to drive EVERYWHERE. Spending every night watching television or DVDs in my big, isolated house. Weekends with nothing to do but go shopping at the mall. Like many people, I always felt half-dead whenever I spent significant periods of time in the U.S. I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized it. It was American culture. It was the American media. To put it bluntly, American culture is a ghetto culture that values flash over substance, superficial consumerism over spiritual growth. It's a culture that has an invisible racial hierarchy that places Asian men at the bottom and is obsessed with all things white or black American. It's a country that is built for doing business, not living life.

Anyhow, I've lived in many places during my life. And as we all know, each place has its good bits and its bad bits.

I've now learned to take the best bits of the U.S. (namely, service and business) and transfer it to my life abroad.”

One of his sentences above sums up America perfectly, “It’s a country that is built for doing business, not living life.” In fact, I’d say that if there’s one sentence or theme that would sum up this ebook, that would be it. Thus, I’m going to be using it in other parts of this ebook as well as my welcome page.

Unhappy Indian immigrants express their disillusionment with American life

Little India magazine, a US publication for Indian communities in America, published a story about unhappy Indian immigrants in America, some of which came here against their will, interviewing several of them to reveal their thoughts and feelings. Among their complaints were the feelings of isolation and stress, the cold indifference of strangers and neighbors, general boredom, and feeling “unnecessary” and meaningless. You can read the story on their website at the link below. I’ve also included some key excerpts and quotes from the article: (I always enjoy hearing from East Indians by the way, because like me, they are spiritual and philosophically oriented)

http://www.littleindia.com/august2004/UnhappyinAmerica.htm

The colors seemed to have been drained out of her life. Says Aparna, "The small pleasures of life I used to experience in India, I do not experience here. In India, standing on your balcony, you see life, you see kids playing, you see people sitting together. Neighbors stop to laugh and chat and find out how you're doing.
Here I would sit on the deck in the suburbs. All around me, there are beautiful trees, beautiful landscapes, and lovely cars. But there are no people. You might as well hang up a pretty picture in your living room and just keep on watching that. What's the difference?"

"My daughter is growing up here and I worry about her - that she will pick up the culture here and that constantly depresses me. I'm trying to blend in, but at times I still feel depressed and lonely. I think if I were 40 or 50, I would still prefer to go back. I cannot live here for good."

She adds: "I think each and every individual is here to make money. Personally if given a choice, each one of us would be there and not here. So I guess each one of us is compromising and trying to adjust."

"Everything seems to be artificial and formal and people seem to be pretending. You feel as if everyone has a mask on their face. They are not the same any more."

She feels in America, people are running on mental treadmills, with no time for anyone. You dare not drop in on a friend uninvited or dawdle with extended family, chatting over dinner on a weekday. She says, "It's this 'I'm really busy' attitude. It's the same 24 hours we used to have in India, the same 24 hours we have here. It's the same time, what's the difference, I don't understand. Yes, I know we don't have help here, but I'd make sure I give a hand with the dishes before I leave."

She feels the financial rewards of America are overrated. So what if you have a house or car? "You have a car to drive, because here it's a necessity. In India it's a luxury. Here, you have a car, but it's not your own. You have a house but it's not your own. You don't pay two installments, they'll come and take it away. "

Well-wishers point out to her the glittering wonders of America, the many malls where you can get anything your heart desires. She says, "Yes, because you don't have a family or circle of friends whom you can be with, you walk around malls and ultimately buy things. It's a consumer society and that's the only entertainment."

Even more grueling than the poverty was the loneliness. He says, "If you live in isolation, if you live in loneliness, that is the worst thing that can happen to an immigrant."

His life in Southern and Central Illinois, andlater in upstate New York was very spartan and emotionally bare: "These are small, cold desolate places and you have no friends.

It's miserable. If you have no job, you are ill or have some health problem, then that's the time you feel more isolated, more lonely. And that's the time you wish that you hadn't come to this country."

Partha Banerjee who works with New Immigrant Community Empowerment: “There are so many stories of unhappy people.”

It is often a rude awakening for a new immigrant to find himself in a rundown seedy apartment crawling with roaches and rats, counting pennies and struggling to hold on to a miserable job that he hates, if only for survival.

The faces of indifferent strangers greet him in the corridors and on the streets. At that moment, the string bed in the open courtyard of his village home, surrounded by loved ones and a pot of saag cooking on the family hearth, seems incredibly inviting.
This too is somebody's American Dream gone awry.

A reader on Little India’s site concurred, posting her feedback:

http://www.littleindia.com/feedback/reviews.php?id=11&cat=2&subcat=0&subsubcat=0&page=0

“1) Feedback added by Madhvi / 09-10-2005 (id 39)

What you have written is quite true. I also came here two months back and really feel like I am trapped in a gold cage. I was working in India for almost 10 years as an IT professional and now for everything I am dependent on my husband. It is so frustrating. My father is a heart patient in India and I have no mother. I feel so guilty at times that I wished I have never come here.”

Documented proof of anti-sociality in Seattle, one of the worst places

Probably one of the strongest examples of anti-sociality in America is in the Seattle, Washington area. As one who was stuck in that area for years (not by choice) I can personally attest that it is one of the worst and most anti-social areas in the country. People in general there are like hermits who detest social interaction, hate meeting new people, and seem very comfortable around others, merely humoring passerbys with a fake polite smile. It felt like the Twilight Zone there, where I was the only one that was normal. It got so bad in fact that I wrote this article at www.happierabroad.com/Bellingham_Curse.htm.

In fact, the frigidity of the social atmosphere in the Seattle area is so apparent that it came to the attention of the city’s own major print media. The Seattle Times did a story on it, coining the term “The Seattle Freeze”, which you can read at: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacificnw/2005/0213/cover.html

The report describes a common social pattern where people are very polite to others, stopping to let you cross the street, letting you cut in on the freeway, waving a fake hello to you, etc. but are extremely non-inclusive in that they don’t invite you anywhere, don’t wish to spend time with you, and don’t like meeting new people or socializing other than waving politely to strangers that pass by, never seeing them again. Here are some key excerpts from the story:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacificnw/2005/0213/cover.html

“Those who move to Seattle also have another kind of story. But you don't broadcast this one. You keep it to yourself or whisper it to other transplants. It goes something like this:

You're talking to a co-worker/someone at a party/fill in the blank. In any other town, this person looks like someone with whom you might be friends. Potential friend asks, "So what are you up to this weekend?"

"Oh, I don't have any plans yet. I just moved to Seattle and don't really know anybody . . ."

You try not to look desperate.

Friend-to-be smiles and, for a brief, shining moment you think to yourself: Finally, someone is going to ask me to do something. Invite me to a party. Happy hour. Brunch with the girls. It'll be just like "Sex and the City." She'll be Charlotte; you'll be Carrie!

You feel a chill coming on. Still smiling, Friend-Not-On-Your-Life politely excuses herself, "Well, have a nice weekend then."

Ouch.

……. the dichotomy most fundamental to our collective civic character is this: Polite but distant. Have a nice day. Somewhere else.

Seattle is like that popular girl in high school. The one who gets your vote for homecoming queen because she always smiles and says hello. But she doesn't know your name and doesn't care to. She doesn't want to be your friend. She's just being nice.

……… But in Seattle, it was cold shoulder after cold shoulder. She was working as a waitress with dozens of people her age, but it took six months before one of them invited her along when they went out after work.

"It seems nobody really wants to let you in," she says. "They'll say, 'Oh yeah, yeah, I'll get your number' — but you know that's going nowhere."

"Here, it's so weird, people are so nice in these passing situations, but beyond that there's a wall," she says.

Sociology professor Jodi O'Brien has a name for it: "the phenomenon of the plastic smile."

Seattle's "social script," she says, can ultimately lead to "alienation" and "isolation." "Politeness is a poor substitute for intimacy and genuine friendship."

"At the university, where people are hired from all over, this is a pretty standard conversation," O'Brien says. "Seattleites are often seen as having this veneer of pleasantness but being hard to come to know."

…….. WHILE RESERVE may come in handy when you've got on white gloves, it can make for a rather stultifying social scene, as Gabriel Tevrizian found when he moved here 15 years ago from Buenos Aires.

Now 40, Tevrizian recalls that for the first time in his life, he knew what it meant to be lonely.

"There's no such thing as that in Argentina," he says. "There are people around you constantly. They come over and hang out and then they hang out some more.

"People here don't ever just hang out — there's no time for that — but those are the times you really get to know people."

Any attempt to socialize begins to feel like too much effort, he says. "You have to try to get together 10 times before someone doesn't cancel."

Trying to develop a friendship in Seattle, you can feel a bit like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day." Like with each encounter you have to start from scratch, back to the surface niceties.

Take the dog park. Pam Tate and her Pomeranian-Schipperke mix Jett see the same people each week at the Magnuson Park off-leash area. As the dogs sniff each other, their owners chitchat and trade compliments on each other's sniff-worthy dogs. But each time, at the end of the conversation, "I know the dog's name, but not the owners'. How sad is that?"

And as Tate, 36, quickly learned, when you actually make an effort, you risk coming off as pushy. When she arrived from Orange County, potential-friend types would say, "Hey, let's do something sometime." And she thought they meant it. She'd try to actually set something up. "People would seem shocked; I was seen as aggressive for asking people to do a specific thing at a specific time."

After a series of squirmy rebuffs, she realized that when Seattleites say, "Let's do something sometime," what they really mean is: "Let's never do anything ever."

"A lot of what people call socializing is really just public isolation," O'Brien says.

Here in Seattle we do a lot of things alone. We live alone: Two out of five households have a single occupant — one of the highest rates in the nation. More than three-quarters of people participate in an individual sport but only 13 percent play on a team. We ride bikes alone; go on walks alone; troll bookstores alone, then go home and read alone.

"People find their set of activities to do and they are fairly content," O'Brien says.

In fact, Seattle's seeming split personality might come from this very complacency. We don't have anything against you, but simply don't feel the need to take the risk of inviting you into the fold.

"On the one hand, it's nice to bop in and out of situations knowing people will smile and treat you well. Nice is like bubble gum — it's sugary and pleasant." But if all you ever get is nice, never flirty or risky, she says, that gum loses its flavor pretty quick, and the human experience becomes ultimately less rewarding. Even depressing.

She cites a famous sociological study of flight attendants, which found being nice all the time is an especially draining kind of work. It can cause the emotional equivalent of repetitive stress injury. At the end of the day, some flight attendants would have trouble turning the nice off. And stuck in nice gear, they became disassociated from their true emotions and had trouble expressing them.

First, it's an enabling cultural climate for socially inept people. So if you come here and you have any germ of antisociality, it will, like moss, take hold and flourish.

And if you arrive here open and ebullient, you're bound to lose your confidence and spark after enough cold shoulders. After all, why even bother going to that party when you know it will just be more nonchalant chitchat that will never go anywhere?

"If a dog gets smacked every time he sticks his nose out of the cage, guess what happens?" Pam Tate says. "After a while of putting yourself out there and being rebuffed, you just say forget it."

Newcomers seem to acclimate to the social habits along with the weather. We soon learn to lay off our horns and grow less effusive with invitations.”

Now isn’t that all so sad? It should never be that way. I wonder why the story never even bothered mentioning actually LEAVING Seattle as a possible solution, since there are so many places in the world where socializing is completely NATURAL and FREE-FLOWING (which is the whole basis of my ebook in fact). Instead, it reports on the remedy of going to singles clubs and social mixers composed of other Seattle transplants, a very mono-national solution. Apparently it’s taboo to mention that somewhere else is better than where you’re at.

Frankly though, I’ve been to organized social mixers in Seattle and even though this is gonna sound rude, I’m going to tell it like it is: They are mostly composed of overweight unattractive people! (sorry if that’s rude and offensive, but it’s true) Yeah they were very nice people, but WHY SETTLE for that when you can go to Europe or the Philippines and hang out in social groups of skinny attractive people EASILY?! And date attractive people naturally as well (as long as you’re a nice decent guy)? It makes no sense, doesn’t show the big picture, and shows the news writer’s highly mono-national views.

If that isn’t limited enough, get this one. These folks in a Seattle Meetup.org chat are claiming that it usually takes 2 years to make new friends when you move to a new place!

http://newintown.meetup.com/38/messages/boards/view/viewthread?thread=2043864

Are they talking about Seattle, the USA, or the whole world when they say “new place”? I don’t think it takes that long even in the States to make friends when you move somewhere new! What are these folks smoking?! Who has two years of their life to waste with no social life?! In most places in the world, if I talk to people, I can make new friends within 30 minutes of arriving in a new place! I’ve never had a problem at all, look! www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm

If only these folks knew……… They are like the cavemen in Plato’s Cave Analogy, watching the shadows on the wall while the enlightened have already found the daylight on the surface.

The Seattle Freeze: Proof from Ferry Photos vs. Riga, Latvia

Here are some interesting real life photos I took to illustrate my point about the social disconnectedness in America. While I was on a ferry ride between Seattle and Bremerton, I took these pictures of passengers inside the ferry. As you can see, it's an obvious example of how disconnected and isolated Americans are in most public places (at least in the Northwest) and how they prefer to be alone and not bothered. The strong isolation mentality is well displayed here. Though the scenery outside was nice, inside the atmosphere was gloomy and anti-social. So lively and festive isn't it? (sarcastic)

Now, contrast that with these photos I took during a ferry ride in Riga, Latvia (in Eastern Europe). Even though the ride was in the late afternoon, people still knew how to party and dance. Here you see a mini-disco lounge on board the ferry being enjoyed by the passengers even on this short routine ride! See what I mean?!

 
To learn more about how to escape social isolation, social disconnectedness, loneliness, datelessness and lovelessness in America, visit Happier Abroad.

Hot girl writes the same things about America as me

I can't believe a "hot girl" would write this too. Maybe she's my alter ego :)

From one of my email list members:

Hey Winston, thought you might be interested in this. An old friend from college sent me this - and she's a very attractive girl, for your information - and it surprised me because it sounds exactly like something I remember you writing. Just that it's from the perspective of a hot girl:

"L.A. feels pretty boring to me, but then again, i definitely do not get out much right now that i'm in school and working all the time... when i do go out though, it doesn't seem to be very social... like, people usually stay with their friends, and as girls, we're trained to think that any guy that comes up to you in a bar or club is either a) a creep, or b) desperate.... it's odd that we think that way, but it's the culture... so where are you supposed to meet people?

another reason i think people are so uninteresting here in the States, is because of the whole politically correct thing... it has a huge effect on what people will allow themselves to express, and as a result think... it's like we're too civilized or something... so people become breathing versions of their environment, American society: conventional, washed-out, literal, pedestrian, square, colorless, mundane, and uninteresting... always looking to the future, and never living in the moment.. and if you do live in the moment, you somehow feel guilty... it's so sad to see it so clearly when you come back from being abroad for a while...

Machismo is repulsive, but what's attractive is guys who are guys... and that inevitably involves some raw, uncooked, unrefined, aggressive characteristics... maybe the problem isn't that guys here aren't these things, but that women are mentally trained to be repulsed by it... and when we go to other countries, we automatically sort of drop all of our expectations about how "our men" are supposed to be (because they're not our men) and we "allow" it ... and when you guys go to other countries, the women don't have the same expectations that american women do, and you find it more liberating and interesting to be with them, like they just allow you to be guys... i don't know, all i know is that i can't wait until spring break when i can go on another vacation..."

Why I am incompatible with the American social environment

Here are the main reasons why America has a lame social scene that I’m incompatible with, some of which I’ve already elaborated on above:

1) I do not fit the cultural ideal of a male in this country at all, so most women here will never consider me as even a friend, even if we have a lot in common. I am simply viewed as an out-of-bounds non-factor.

2) American women in general are unapproachable and don't talk to strangers. They don’t meet people unless it’s through mutual friends. If I attempt to meet them or interact with them for other non-business related reasons, then they see me as a creep, , or psycho. Hence, I'm theoretically not allowed to act on my desires, express or pursue them. (Or, I am allowed to have desires, as long as I don’t act on them without permission from women, which they never give me anyway). But, as I have strong desires and passions for sex and romance with females, this is unacceptable to me and a form of constant inner torture.

3) I tend to prefer the company of women over men, finding them more interesting, challenging and stimulating. I don’t enjoy the company of men unless they are interesting in some way or very intelligent or intellectual. The average guy, who is macho, bragging, exaggerating, and arrogant, just plain bores me and has nothing to offer or contribute to me. Thus, I tend to have more female friends and acquaintances than male. But the problem with that in America is that overwhelmingly, only the men are social and easy to meet, while the women are generally the exact opposite. Instead, they are closed, paranoid, defensive, stuck up, and cliquish. In no other country have I ever seen such a difference in the sociability of the two genders. Thus, in the US I tend to be limited to male friends and acquaintances, which is not my preference as stated above. So to put it simply: I prefer the company of women over men, generally speaking, but in America generally only the men are sociable while the women are not.

4) In the US, people in general do not talk to strangers unless it's business-related or they need directions. If you’re lonely, there’s not much you can do about it. The only socially acceptable places to meet people in America are at parties, and sometimes at bars and clubs (which tend to be predisposed to cliquishness too). Therefore, only party animals and club hoppers get to meet people actively, which to me is unnaturally restrictive and suffocating. Since I’m not one of them, my social niche doesn’t work in America. It’s not that I dislike parties or that I am shy and introverted, far from it. I enjoy them, but I am just not a regular party-goer type, and besides, most party-goers in the US are not people I resonate with or enjoy being around.

5) There are two general types of people in America that most, though not all, fit into – the productive conformist types whose lives revolve around work/career and their home routine, and those considered fun, cool, outgoing types whose lives revolve around parties, clubs, bands and concerts. I don't click or resonate with either type.

In most other countries and continents though, the above factors do not pose an obstacle to me. Russia, most of Europe, South America, some of Asia, Africa, even Australia are areas that come to mind. Social scenes are much more open, warm, inviting, flow smoothly, naturally, and less uptight and inhibited. And women are approachable and do not view me as low social status.

Simply put, I’m not materialistic, I’m not a workaholic, and the girls aren’t approachable to me, so what does America have to offer me exactly? Not much, I’m afraid.

Social skills with the flow vs. against the flow

I would surmise that different sets of social skills are required in different environments, just as different behaviors are appropriate around different people. It is not a case of “one social skill” fits all. In my case, trying to be social in America the way I am social in foreign countries doesn’t fit the flow, vibe, rhythm, communication style, or behavior of the collective consciousness there. Trying to do so feels like playing a song out of tune. It just doesn’t fit or jive. I don't know why, but I would venture that most who are on my wavelength or frequency feel the same. The wild, uninhibited side of me feels very much against the flow in America. When that happens, it may seem as though I lack social skills, when in reality I merely have a different set of social skills which doesn’t fit the tempo of the social environment I’m in.

I have even tested this by pretending in America that I’m still in Russia, acting and socializing the exact same way, yet getting completely different results.

I know that there are many outgoing sociable people in the US, so it's possible to be that way, however, they are outgoing and sociable on a different frequency or wavelength than me, which makes me feel awkward and unnatural to try to emulate. It’s as if the way they are social though, is with this weird artificial front that I don’t wish to emulate in order to jive with them.

On the other hand, when I am outgoing and sociable in Russia, Europe or most countries of the world, I feel like I'm going "with the flow". Thus, I thrive much more in foreign social scenes, which are more fun and inclusive, flowing naturally the way it should be. I can meet people of all types any time I want in such environments, and it feels totally natural and "with the flow". I feel much more natural synergy with the people and environment. And I definitely share a “kindred spirit” much more with Europeans than with Americans in general.

So it seems that being outgoing or fitting in with others here requires a different type of social skills than in other countries. In some countries, my social skills and communication fits the flow and has synergy with the people there. But in others, it doesn’t.

This may all be a bit difficult for some to visualize, and it’s not easy for me to describe either. It’s a flow that you just have to experience, though I admit that not everyone will experience or perceive a “flow”, “rhythm” or “vibe” the same way, as individual perceptions vary.

Here is an example of what I mean. These are words of some typical airhead valley girls to their girlfriends on MySpace.com. These are the type of people who are part of the “cool crowd” in America, and fit the party animal scene. In other words, this is how “cool people” talk in America. Not only are the words airheadish to the extreme, but very cliquish and exclusive in nature as well, not the kind of talk a third person can join in on.

“J-TELL!!!!!!!!! GIRLFRIEND!!!! i miss u liken ens!!! YOu better be holding it down in BHAM for me MISSAYY.......i cant wait to hang out with you..i wish u were here with us KPJ i mean come on now haha welll my dear have a lovely night babyyyyyy!!!!!!! FRIDAY Night and i belive tomorrow is APRIL FOOLS DAY GIRL!! HAHA U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!heheH love ya girl!!!”

“3/31/2006 4:42 PM

JENNIFER..its official..im comingg to walla wallaa....HAHAHA WOOO HOO..you let kayla know that...its time TO Getttt wild..i will be arriving..on APRIL 21sts....YEAY im so excited jenn I LOVE YOUU andd i cant wait to see you...haha take me to the wild whitman parties please?? haha...oh LOrd ...maybe we can lie to peopel again and pretend we are twins..or whatever we said..it was funny...hahaN E WAtys jenn..love ya..and im really excited to se you..oH..by the way..I have a permission slip all signed and ready..tell LC hahaha :-)

Jillayyyy

3/27/2006 8:41 PM

hahaha JENNNN..i LOVE you...haha OBTAIN A PERMISSION SLIP?????well MISSYYY...let me tell you..maybe we can just transfer the trampoline permission slip over to the partying one?? do u think LYD could hook it up??...i thikn she could pull it off...CREWWW.hahahaha oh lord..well yea..im coming...prob this month..sooo BEtter be on the lookout for some..feLLUZzz we cannnnnn Parttyyy it up with“

As you can see, the words, tone, and wavelength are very airheadish and artificial. It’s like in order to fit into these girls’ “flow” you have to adopt the same tone and wavelength. Now look at how I write here in this treatise which reveals my flow of thought which is organized, insightful, focused and articulate. How the hell am I supposed to resonate, click or fit into the flow of such people who are considered the “cool crowd”? In fact, how the hell am I even supposed to hold a basic conversation with them?! They are like empty bags of air! Sheesh, nowhere else on Earth do young people talk like that, so airheadish and artificial.

Only in America: going out alone = staying alone

Here is another big difference between America and the rest of the world, which makes the social life really sad and suffocating for me.

In America, if you go out alone, you are almost guaranteed to be alone, unless you get really lucky. Usually, nothing happens socially if you go out alone. It's not the kind of place or society where you can go out by yourself and meet people "just because" to hang out with. That's why people in America are so adamant about having friends to go out with because deep down, they know that if they go out alone, they will stay alone. And they fear that being alone will bring a feeling of detachment and alienation, that leads to insecurity. That's just how it is here.

The social norms here dictate that people in public stay with the company they are with. These are the unspoken but real customs of the social scene and public life in America. It’s nothing official, just a learned habit that people here grow up with. No one needs to mention it, because it's just how people normally are out in public and socially. It's a mutual understanding of the collective in America, one that we grow up with and assume is the norm. In general, people have an isolationist mentality rather than an interconnected one with others. Though it's far different from how other countries are, (which do not have the inherent isolation mentality that America does) most Americans don't know it, because the rest of the world is not part of "their world".

Anyone can go out in public and see that this is so - those that are out alone, stay alone (and strangely enough, they want to stay alone, especially if they're female), and those that are out with their friends/family, stay hanging around them. You can see this in any public place - cafes, restaurants, Starbucks, grocery stores, parks, bus stops, malls, and even bars and nightclubs. Attempting to violate this rule or change it is awkward and against the flow, making you feel like a lone ant trying to change the social rules of the whole ant colony.


"Breaking the ice" - proof that Americans are uncomfortable talking to strangers

I'm sure you've all heard the term in America "breaking the ice" referring to initiating contact with strangers. This common phrase speaks volumes about the social barriers against talking to strangers in America (so you don't have to take my word for it). And the fact that we have such a phrase to describe talking to strangers, pretty much proves my claim that Americans are uncomfortable talking to strangers and see it as abnormal, awkward, and intrusive (unless its business-related), making it self-evident. Obviously, if talking strangers is like "breaking ice", it implies that there is a cold, sterile, "ice barrier" that naturally exists between strangers by default, making it a huge psychological obstacle between both parties (even if one is from abroad) to initiate contact. If you've never left America, this seems normal, but if you are used to a country where there is no "ice" between strangers, then it seems awkward, unnatural, and inhuman for Americans to be this way.

Unfortunately, talking to strangers or "breaking the ice" in America freaks many people out, and makes the initiator feel awkward and intrusive. And if you must break the ice, you gotta do it in a very subtle, distant, overly polite, proper, nonchalant manner to avoid being seen as intrusive or "creepy". You can't be too forward, passionate, wild, or sensual like you can in Europe, South America, Mexico, Russia and the former Soviet Union, etc. To me, that's just weak, since I'm already used to it being totally different.

Thus, even a very outgoing sociable person from abroad who opens up to everyone will feel shy and cautious in the US, not because he/she is that way, but because since everyone else around that person IS that way, it rubs off on him/her, making that person abide by the social rules of "keeping the same company in public that you're with."

Even if you go to a crowded nightclub where people are partying and dancing, where it is more socially acceptable to meet people (at least in concept), most still keep with the company they are with, talking only to their friends, rather than meet any new people. And sadly, you can still feel the strong vibe that most of the girls there don't want to talk to you. So even there, if you go alone, you are likely to be alone. And if you try to break that hard "ice" by saying hi to girls there that you don't know to introduce yourself, you will feel guilty for violating "the boundaries" and, unless there is something really special about you, they will either look at you like you're a freak, ignore you, or say hi quickly and then leave. I've always said, North America is the only part of the world where you can be in a room or area full of gorgeous women who are all "unapproachable" (for various reasons). In other countries, that is virtually impossible. I can personally attest to this.

Anyone who tries to deny this collective social contract is either lying, deluded, or religiously against generalizing (the politically correct crowd) that they will always play devil's advocate to anyone who makes observations about people, no matter how true. It's just way too obvious, as obvious as the big obesity epidemic is in America. So much so that I would only need 5 - 10 minutes out in public to show someone all this in person. People out in public just don't approach people, so demonstrating that first hand would be way too easy. In fact, it's easier to demonstrate than shooting fish in a barrel. Surprisingly, even though I could prove all this in 5 minutes, there are still those out there who try to deny that this is true!

On the other hand, in most of the world, not just in Europe/Russia, one can easily go out alone without having to be alone. It is easy and natural to meet people, find company to hang out with, someone interesting to spend your time with, or even get a nice date with the opposite sex that same day or night, if you just chat them up sincerely. Or sometimes of course, they may chat you up as well. So in a sense, you don't even have to "break the ice" because there is no "ice" to begin with! You can see ample evidence of this, enough to convince anyone, in my photojournals. And even if you remain alone, you still know deep down in your intuition, soul, and gut instinct that you don't have to be alone, because the vibe all around you in public is far more inclusive and warm than in the USA, which is inherently exclusive in its nature, form, collective mentality and public behavior.

All this I can guarantee 100 percent beyond any doubt, and I give my word to it.

And even in nations which are somewhat cliquish, such as Britain, France, Germany or Japan, it is still easier to meet people when you go out alone (at least for those like me), comparatively speaking, than it is in the USA.

A BIG SECRET I want to share with you!

Are you tired of or dissatisfied with the following norms in modern America?

1) The anti-social isolationist lifestyle where everyone minds their own business and lives
to make money, having little interest in connecting to others.
2) The ice barrier and cold indifference of strangers all around.
3) The fake artificial social atmosphere where no one really fits in but only pretends to.
4) Working to death and going home to live in fear, isolation, and loneliness.
5) The unavailability of women you desire who think they’re too good for everyone, depriving you of quality female companionship.


And do you feel like you’re the only one, and afraid to talk about it because it’s so taboo? Well you are definitely not alone, as my site is the support network and information resource for those who feel that way. (You can read hundreds of letters from people who feel that way here: www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Reader_Responses.htm)

The wonderful GOOD NEWS is you don’t have to put up with ANY of that! There are MANY overseas alternatives where all those norms are REVERSED! The US media will NEVER tell you about it, but I WILL! So the question is, are YOU ready to STOP living in fear and isolation, and experience the REAL world beyond the American matrix?

In fact, I'll share a BIG SECRET with you right now. No bull, no strings attached, no-nonsense, etc. I’m going to just tell it like it is (which is the kind of person I am, like it or not).

If you WANTED to, right now you could be

1) Traveling the world experiencing great sites and cultures, expanding yourself while learning things you never dreamed of
2) Dating and making love to beautiful gorgeous women (many or one, it's up to you), never being without attractive female companionship
3) Having soul enriching experiences that make you deeper and more multi-dimensional
4) Having the freedom to cultivate as many quality relationships and friendships as you want
5) Being in an interconnected community and public atmosphere where social interaction is completely
natural and free-flowing


for many years, without a lot of money! I've been doing it (evidenced by the pictures on this webpage) and I've seen guys in their 20's and 30's doing it. You don't have to be "financially independent" in the American sense, or old and retired with a pension either.

How, you might ask? Well the secret is simple, yet it’s not because it’s taboo in workaholic and strict countries like America (which is “built for business, not for living life” as one of my readers said) and not discussed publicly. It requires that you conquer your fear, change your beliefs and free your mind. The secret is: ALL you have to do is GO ABROAD to a country where these things come easily and naturally. There are so many countries where the cost of living is dirt cheap where you will automatically be rich by their standards and get almost everything you want and need. In fact, going abroad can be the BEST THERAPY for all your crazy weird problems in America!

You see, our culture has taught us that America is the world and that anything not possible in America is not possible anywhere. Thus, to most Americans the notion that something outside America is “better” is not only an alien concept, but “out of bounds” as well. It’s simply unthinkable. Therefore, this simple “secret” goes against what society has conditioned us to believe. The assumption is that since we are “the best” there can be nothing “better” out there beyond our borders, so there is no point in even looking beyond the matrix. Plus, it is TABOO in the US to say that leaving the country is a solution to a problem. And it is also TABOO to say that there is something wrong with the country, its culture or people, or that people are anti-social and isolationist in general. In fact, it is TABOO to say that anything outside America is better. Even if it's true, it's still TABOO to mention it. You aren't supposed to think like that. That's why almost no one ever says it, even if they feel it! But as for me, I could care less about what's taboo, as I'm all about the truth, not about living in fear of taboos, especially when my happiness, fulfillment and freedom are at stake.

Breaking this "taboo barrier" is what makes this simple secret so difficult. But it can be done, if you really WANT to!

The first step is to STOP believing certain false things that are taken as Gospel truth in this country. You gotta STOP buying the bullshit propaganda of corporate America that you have to be a workaholic for money until you're retired, old, over-the-hill and need viagra, in order to be free and do what you want. Detach from it. It is absolutely NOT true! Don't waste the best years of your life buying into it, never experiencing all the joys, pleasures, and wonders that the real world out there can give you! And you’ve got to STOP assuming that America is “the world” and that everything outside of it is bad, terrible and dangerous, which is yet another totally BS propaganda perpetuated by the US media and mass paranoia of the population. Also, you’ve got to STOP the inclination to do what society expects of you rather than what you REALLY want to do.

You’ve got to FREE yourself of all that! To put it simply, you've got to FREE your mind first! I know that's easier said than done, but if you REALLY want to do it, YOU CAN!

I know that it’s not easy disassociating from the deeply ingrained beliefs that your family, society, educational establishments, media and peers instilled into you. And it's not easy to think or pursue a way of life that is taboo in your country either, but hey, your happiness is at stake here, and if you are not happy conforming to the US matrix, then you've got to do something about it.

But once you do and see the light, you’ll be glad you did. Once you taste the reward of TRUE FREEDOM, you’ll never want to go back to being an automaton. To walk this path of the freespirit, you’ve also got to STOP believing that the primary purpose of life is to work and make money, and instead, like the Europeans, believe that the meaning of life is to have RICH EXPERIENCES! That’s what will motivate you and give you the strength to make the necessary changes.

YES! There is a REAL solution to the isolation, loneliness, stress, datelessness, sexlessness, and meaningless life in America that WORKS! But America will NEVER tell you about it, because the solution is TABOO! You will only hear about it from people like me. But it really works, is life-changing and opens your eyes to a whole new world! So you’ve got to decide whether you want to waste your time living in fear of American societal taboos, or living a rich, fulfilling, meaningful happy life where your needs and wants are met. If you’re willing to choose the latter, this site will guide and inspire you to do so.

The most important discovery I’ve made during my travels is this:

Beyond North America, the social atmosphere is INFINITELY more natural and free flowing (in most places at least) and I am NEVER without attractive female companionship.

For a breathtaking quick visual glimpse of what I’m talking about, see this collage and the ones that follow: www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm (As you can see from the collage, my dating life SKYROCKETED from ZERO to INFINITY upon leaving the USA Matrix)

Many people already know about this, but since it’s a taboo subject, it’s not discussed publicly.

Remember, the US media hides everything positive and exciting about the foreign world from you, misdirecting it with bad news instead, to keep you an ignorant busybee drone whose sole function is to make money and consume! But as in Plato’s Cave Analogy where the tribe of cave dwellers sit in a candle-lit cave watching the shadows on the wall while one of them ascends to the surface into the world of daylight, you’ve got to do the same, breaking from the flock that keeps you in fear and isolation as well, to live the life you want.

But of course, if you are happy in America, have a great love life (or don’t need one) and truly believe that the primary purpose in life is to use up most of your life making money so that you can live comfortably in your old age, then this ebook and website isn’t for you. Otherwise, continue on. I don’t think though, that most Americans are completely happy or fulfilled. They simply conform, or pretend to be.

Anyway, the secret is to just GO out there and DO IT! STOP making excuses! It's not hard unless you THINK it is. It's not truly difficult unless you sit there and think with the brainwashed conditioned mindset that you have to first amass tons of money, pay off all your debts and mortgages, and retire with a big cash flow. Most people are never going to reach that stage. They may try their whole lives, and then end up in regret over it. If you think like that, you'll probably never make it abroad to true freedom, or if you do, it'll be when you are over the hill. The lies and propaganda that you were fed with are what make it hard. But if you go out there and DO it, then it's easy, as well as fun, exciting and rewarding!

I promise, if you go out there and do what you believe in, things will fall into place. An invisible hand and unseen higher order will work out the practical areas and money issues. It's a win-win situation where you can get your heart and soul's desires. You see, when you do what you are meant to do or go where you are meant to go, the universe will provide for your needs. It’s similar to the Christian teaching that when you do the Lord’s bidding, he will take care of you and provide for your needs like a loving father does.

Sound too good to be true? Well it only is if you just sit there and think about it, making up problems and excuses. But if you actually go out there and DO it, then it’s not too good to be true anymore, it becomes a REALITY!

I know what you're thinking, you need money to live and travel right? Sure. But there are many ways to live frugally and cheaply. The info is out there in books (e.g. “(country name) on a shoestring”) and online.

And if you ever need to earn more money to continue living your dreams abroad (and you are not retired with assets, pensions or social security), you can just get a job in the country you love. It's a lot easier than you think if you are already IN that country. But you have to GO there first, not try to get it in advance. Most overseas jobs are NOT advertised online, and the ones that are, are hard to get, so don't bank on them (unless you have very special qualifications that they need), as they are a low bet. If you just GO there, start asking around and networking, you will get important leads that open doors to a variety of good jobs for you, even if you don't speak their language. There are PLENTY of overseas jobs for Americans, some even by US corporations based abroad or are outsourcing. Depending on the country and circumstances, some are well-paying, others just pay enough for you to get by (but isn't it more important to be happy than rich?).

Another option is to cultivate some kind of residual income online like I do, which is even better as it would give you a lot more freedom in your schedule and location. There are now so many ways of doing so. You don't have to be a computer wiz or techie geek either. For an overview, see this page (off-site):


http://www.doshdosh.com/ways-to-make-money-online/

You can then continue living a life of freedom, fantasy, love, beauty, stimulation, cultural richness, connectedness, expression and passion that you couldn't in the US. Always remember the motto "Where there's a will, there's a way."

Sure you'll have to be prepared to make sacrifices. But that's life – a series of tradeoffs. If the rewards are worth it, that's what counts. I know it’s easy to get yourself in a comfort zone where you are afraid of change, even if it means living in misery. But remember, you regret more what you didn’t do than what you did do. If you can find the courage and will to sell that house, end that apartment lease, or quit that boring job (you can always get another one overseas, even with an American company), and stop making excuses, you can be truly FREE and not have a “stone around your neck” any longer, you will be glad you did. Sure, I know you may have debts, obligations, and responsibilities. But you can choose to be a slave to them, or be free of them. You can choose to live in fear, or follow your dreams, passion and bliss.

And no, you don’t have to save up a million dollars first, that’s an illusion designed to keep you working and in fear. Between five and ten thousand will do as a jump start. The rewards and benefits of having TRUE FREEDOM, not just of location but of mind too, are more than worth it.

Ask yourself these questions:

What would you rather do, make lots of money while living a stressful workaholic life in isolation and loneliness with nothing to enrich your soul or inner self, just to conform with the rest of the drones? Or live freely in pleasure, fantasyland (well the closest thing to it), experiencing new sites and wonders, gaining cultural and personal enrichment, never having to be without beautiful attractive company of the opposite sex (unless you want to), no longer a slave to the corporate mindset, your life filled with rich colors compared to the drab dreary colorless life of a corporate drone, and be able to look back and say "I'm so glad to be free of the workaholic life of slavery to money and not a drone anymore! If only I had known what I know now sooner!"

Would you rather have YOUR LIFE be like a beautiful moving movie, filled with rich experiences and moments, like in a fantasy? Or would you prefer to WATCH a movie at home while winding down from a stressful day at work, just to mildly distract yourself while you doze off to await the same colorless routine the next day, and all the while, your neighbors all around you are shut in their homes doing their own thing ignoring you like you don't exist? I've experienced both, and I can say hands down that the former is FAR FAR BETTER.

Anyway, I hope that gives you a better perspective of the big picture of what’s available to you.

Here is a great example, in some ways greater than mine, of someone I’ve met and revere who did just that, inspiring thousands. She goes by the name of Kinga Freespirit. And unlike my suggestion above to save up between five and ten thousand dollars first, she started with only 600 dollars. Yet she and her companion ended up traveling the world for FIVE YEARS, visiting many countries and every continent except Africa. When they needed money, they found good people to help or they worked temporary jobs for cash. And that’s it! She went out there and DID IT, experiencing places, things and cultures that most of us could never dream of! When practical problems arose, she dealt with them on an as-needed basis, occasionally assisted by a higher hand. Unfortunately, she passed away recently from malaria. But her story inspired thousands to go out and live their dreams, and still does today. You can view her website, read highlights of her journey, and order copies of her impressive journal book of her five year journey (with breathtaking photos, I highly recommend it), at these links: www.ledbydestiny.com, www.hitchhiketheworld.com

I know that so far, this is all just talk and words, but it is my hope that the vast material and mountain of photos on my site which chronicles the example from my own life will inspire you to step out of the box and do it! In addition, since I am connected to real people out there who are doing all these things, I am able to offer first hand information and resources about these things to you. I hope that you will learn to trust me and my sources, for I possess a love of TRUTH and a desire to change lives and help others find happiness like I have!

And if you ever need to discuss your personal situation or get advice from others about it, feel free to participate on my discussion forum at www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/index.php.

Now let me share with you the real world I've experienced beyond the US matrix. It will open your eyes, enlighten you to a world outside your “matrix”, help you see “the light”, and most importantly change your life!

There is a better life out there for you, and I'm one of the few Americans who will tell you about it! So if you're ready to take the "red pill" then READ ON!

http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Contents.htm