By Winston Wu (Founder of HappierAbroad.com)
Hi all,
I am having a bizarre mid life crisis and wondering if anyone else can relate.
I have realized that what truly makes me happy is near total freedom, that is, the freedom to get up and do whatever you want everyday and go wherever you want without restriction or control from others. To me, that is the real measure of freedom. If you don't have that, then you aren't free, regardless of what your government or culture tells you, or what political freedoms you officially have, or what your Constitution/Bill of Rights says.
But the thing is, everything society encourages you to attain go AGAINST that - jobs, marriage, kids, house mortgages, - all these things tie you down, enslave you, and take away your freedom. They hammer you with responsibilities and lock you into a routine and geographic location, so that you can't just get up anytime and go wherever you want. They are the antithesis to travel, freedom and adventure. So in that sense, the true freedom I want goes against everything that society teaches about "normal life".
As you know, society teaches that one is supposed to strive to attain a stable job, and then a stable marriage in order to raise a family. But all these things tie you down and lock you into a monotonous routine of commitment in one place around the same people for long-term. Yet society teaches that without these things, you are empty and incomplete. So in effect, what society is saying is that unless you bind yourself into enslavement to others, you are empty and incomplete.
Most people simply follow all this and don't question it. In doing so, they never realize the obvious - that there is so much to see in the world - which any avid traveler will tell you - so to follow the role model life that society teaches you is to miss out on a lot on what the world has to offer: endless exciting adventures, places, events, people and love affairs that you can experience.
But society and government do not define freedom the way I do. Instead, they define freedom as not being under a foreign dictatorship (though a local one is ok) and as the "freedom to work" (voluntary enslavement). Both cultures in my background - American and Taiwanese - define freedom in this way, and both teach that one should "live to work" and that free time is idle.
In America, for example, the culture claims that you are free because the country is not under a direct dictatorship (though that seems to be changing), and you are allowed to vote in a farce called an election (controlled by two parties that represent the same interests but trick the public into thinking that they are different by arguing about senseless social wedge issues), and you are "free to work and choose your occupation" of course. In other words, "free to choose your voluntary enslavement." This concept assumes that work is all you want to do til you drop, so that by working, you are doing exactly what you want, and thus you are "free". And in Taiwan, people are told that they are free because Mainland China is not ruling them, so their country is independent and they are "free to work". Thus, the true freedom I talk about is frowned upon. They only emphasize political freedoms, which are a facade, rather than true freedom.
However, this definition of freedom has nothing to do with waking up and doing whatever you want each day without someone or something controlling you - such as your boss, spouse, kids, schedule, culture, society, finances, government, peers, etc. Nor does it have anything to do with being free from "being tied down" into binding commitments or being "free to roam" without restriction. Instead, society conditions you to WANT to be tied down with responsibilities and remain in one location for the long run. But if you follow that, you lose your freedom and become enslaved to a monotonous and binding routine.
That just doesn't make sense to me. Why would anyone want to be enslaved or imprisoned? It seems like an upside-down bizarro world to me. Yet society conditions you to feel empty and incomplete without these basic things that tie you down and take away your freedom. Thus, in effect, you are "trained to feel empty and incomplete without enslavement". That's just crazy, but that's the way it is.
You gotta understand that society is not there to give you freedom. It is there to maintain order and structure, and to CONTROL and ENSLAVE you by conditioning you to accept commitment, obligation, routine and enslavement. It doesn't give a rat's ass about your freedom. Its job is to "herd the cattle" (us) and will lie, propagandize, use mind control, and create false illusions in order to do that. So, it may tell you that you're free, but it won't give you freedom. This is why everything seems to be upside down, and why what society tells you is usually the opposite of the truth.
Most people don't think about or question such basic things. They simply assume that what everyone else is doing is normal and right, and that majority = right and conformity = security. They don't question things, but believe whatever they are told by their society, religion, media, government, and follow whatever most people around them believe. Therefore, most people are not truth seekers, freethinkers or true skeptics - such people are in a tiny minority.
For more info, see this video about the story of your enslavement:
So am I crazy or insane, or is society really an enslavement system that uses mind control to keep you in it, as the conspiracy/counter-culture crowd claim?
Does anyone else feel the same way? Why is everything I want the opposite of what society teaches and expects of us? Does that mean there is something wrong with me?
From my vantage point, here is why all the things that society teaches you to strive for takes away your freedom and greatly impedes it:
1) Job/Employment - A job basically enslaves you to servitude within a private dictatorship exchange for financial compensation. Working for someone else means you have to conform to a strict schedule - waking up at a certain time, eating at a certain time, and getting off at a certain time - while being in a position where you are constantly judged and evaluated by your performance. And of course, it locks you into a specific geographic location so that you can't travel (unless you are lucky enough to have a job that pays you to travel).
Thus, when you have a regular job, you cannot just wake up and say, "I feel like going to the beach today" or "I will go visit my parents today and spend some quality time with them" or "I will stay home and spend quality time with my kids today" or "I will sleep in and have a nice big breakfast when I wake up". Instead, you have to wait for the weekend to be "free", so technically, you are only free 1 or 2 days out of 7 days a week, which means that 70 percent of your week is spent in servitude! (and during the weekend, you are tied down by your spouse and kids)
So how can you call that freedom? It doesn't make any sense! But of course, we are all slaves to money so we have to work. So sadly, true freedom in this world requires financial independence and either lots of money or a steady flow of it. Therefore, it is best to find a way to work for yourself (ideally in a way that doesn't tie you to one location everyday, such as a portable business, internet based business or other form of residual income).
The movie "Office Space" (1999) accurately depicts the reality of the lifeless drudgery of working for most companies. I recommend seeing it if you haven't already. Someone in my forum gave this great analogy:
http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11397
"That is why I refuse to work for someone else. I offer this analogy -- would you rather be tied to a tree but fed on a consistent basis? Or would you want to be free, without bounds or restrictions, and go out and hunt on your own?"
2) Marriage - When you get married, you vow to be faithful to your spouse for the rest of your life. Therefore, you are NOT free to meet a new person of the opposite sex to have a romantic love affair with. You are not free to get together with another that you fancy. You will never experience the novelty and passion of a new attractive lover, ever again (that is, if you honor your marriage vows). You can never take a trip to an exotic land, make eye contact with an attractive stranger of the opposite sex, and make sparks from there (like you see in the movies).
Therefore, you are "not free" to pursue any other fish in the sea. You are tied and bound to one person for life, until you die. And if you get tired or bored of your monogamous relationship, or regret it, there's nothing you can do about it. You are artificially bound for life, "til death do you part". Sure you can get divorced. But marriage is supposed to be for life. Divorce is seen as a dysfunctional aberration - as a "failed marriage".
And of course, unless your spouse is a traveling hippie, he/she will expect you to settle down in a house together, and work a job to pay for the house, and then have children too - all of which will further tie you down to one place and one routine for the long-term, completely destroying your freedom for good and "locking you up in multiple chains". There's no denying that.
Furthermore, many men have reported losing most of their assets in divorce settlements, because Western courts tend to be heavily biased in favor of women and hand over most of the couple's property to the woman, even if she didn't earn it. So these men end up getting "ass-raped" in divorce court. Therefore, marriage is very risky to a man, who stands to lose his assets if it doesn't go as planned, whereas the woman loses nothing and gains a lot. All this is heavily documented on sites like NoMarriage.com and even my own forum at HappierAbroad.com. In fact, as Tom Leykis, radio show host and men's rights advocate, argues, marriage has no benefit or advantage for a man. It only protects the woman and lets her take assets if she chooses to take advantage of it.
Also, the concept of marriage is illogical, unrealistic and unwise. Love cannot be forced or tied down by a mere contract. And one cannot swear an oath to love only one person for the rest of one's life, anymore than one can swear to like only vanilla ice cream for life. I mean, what if you get tired of your spouse, or love another person, or need the novelty of a new lover, or regret your binding lifetime commitment? What are you going to do then? Society FAILS to take this into account, but instead is eager to enslave you into another routine and commitment, which is its function. Remember that society is there to control and enslave you, not to free you. That's its job.
"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
For more on why marriage is a scam, see these ten reasons:
http://www.nomarriage.com/top-ten-reasons-you-shouldnt-get-married/
3) Children - Contrary to the man made myth that "children are sacred and precious", children essentially are a commitment to a 20 year UNPAID job. In this unpaid job, you must give everything - money, time, stress, freedom, etc. and get virtually NOTHING in return. All your time, energy, resources and freedom are SUCKED out of you, with no return on investment. It's the most illogical thing, yet we are brainwashed by society and perhaps Mother Nature to want children, in order that the human species can continue.
When you have children, oh boy, are you in for it. You will get more than you bargained for. You will constantly be drained emotionally, financially and time-wise. And you will be constantly annoyed and stressed with their behavioral problems, conflicts and demands. It will drive you crazy and you will often regret it. And for putting up with all that, you get NOTHING in return - no profit, no fun, no peace of mind, no intellectual stimulation, no pleasure, no reward, nothing. Overall, you will lose a lot in your life to raise a child for 20 years, but gain nothing. It's "all pain and no gain". Kids will also enslave you by turning you into their servant. They are the equivalent of having a ball and chain tied to your ankle everyday without payment or reward (except an emotional one).
Now think about it. Would any business accept a deal where they would have endure years of trouble, annoyances, and costs, in return for no reward, profit or gain? Of course not. Never. So why then do parents accept such a deal when it comes to children? Obviously, it must be because society and Mother Nature programs them to feel some kind of "emptiness" without children in order to perpetuate the species.
In fact, you will feel like a servant to your children. Do you remember when you were a child, how you saw your parents as "existing solely to serve you"? Well your children are going to see you the same way, as being there to serve them. So you become a servant to these little twerps and they become your masters. You can forget about doing what's best for you or following your dreams, cause you don't matter anymore. Your life is gone and you exist solely for your kids now... well according to society that is.
In a sense, when you have children, you "commit suicide", figuratively speaking, and give up your life, so that you no longer live for yourself, but for them. They become the center of your life and your reason for living. And you are at their beck and control. None of your ambitions, goals, dreams, needs or desires matter anymore, according to society. This will be especially difficult if YOU were a spoiled attention seeking child yourself. And on TV, you are supposed to say:
"My children mean the world to me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them, including giving up my own life for them. I wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice my life to save them."
I've never understood why people always say that on TV. It's such a cliche. Why would anyone become so self-sacrificing and willing to die, forgoing their survival instinct? I sure wouldn't. You do not owe your kids your life. You only owe them your support. In fact, it is YOU who gave them life, so they OWE you their life and ought to be willing to die for YOU. Thus, society has it backwards. So why don't people say, "I wouldn't hesitate to give my life to save my parents?"
But nevertheless, your children are YOUR responsibility because you had them, so you have to endure all this for 20 years or more in order to be a proper parent. Once you have them, you are expected to be locked into the monotonous routine of daily life with them, in order to raise them and be there for them.
By the time your kids grow up and move out, you will be old, over the hill, have health problems, be no longer attractive to the opposite sex, and everything will go down from there as you wait to die. In effect, you will have given away the best years of your adult life to raise children. And what will you get for it? A pat on the back from them, and a "thank you for being a good parent", none of which will bring back your lost years and resources.
Thus, children are the ultimate SCAM of nature upon parents, albeit a necessary one, for our species cannot continue without them. Thus, Mother Nature has to trick you into feeling empty and incomplete without them, hardwiring it into your DNA. Otherwise you'd never have kids. Technically you will lose a lot but gain nothing from them. It's a totally raw deal for parents, but they must be programmed to want kids, lest the human race become extinct. (unless some future mass artificial insemination becomes the norm, as depicted in scary sci fi films)
And of course, kids will require the stable environment of a home and marriage to raise, which will further tie you down and lock you into a long-term routine in one place, not allowing you to travel or explore as your heart desires. Again, all this compounds to completely remove all freedom from your life.
So, unless your life is truly empty without children, and you are a very selfless and self-sacrificing person who is willing to give a lot of attention to a child, and you love children so much that you can't live without them, you should consider the consequences above. Otherwise, you will be done for and suffer in misery everyday while you have all your freedom taken away, in exchange for nothing and no ROI (return on investment). It will be the worst thing that's ever happened to you and the BIGGEST MISTAKE of your life! The only way out would be to give up your child for adoption, or become a deadbeat dad and incur condemnation from society and others. Otherwise, you will face years of regret, and your patience and tolerance will be constantly stretched beyond their limits, all for nothing - no gain, no profit, no reward, no fun, no pleasure, no peace of mind, no intellectual stimulation, etc. except for maybe the love they give you back. If that is fine to you, then more power to you. But when you analyze it logically, it makes no sense and seems like a trick of Mother Nature to perpetuate the species.
Keep in mind that unlike other big life decisions, children CANNOT be undone. You can get a job and quit it. You can marry and divorce. You can get a house and sell it and move. You can quit college and continue later. But you cannot undo children once you have them. So treat this like the most utmost decision in your life!
To visit an online community about child free living, see: http://www.thechildfreelife.com
4) Mortgage/Home - Unless you are wealthy enough to buy up a house or inherit one, you will usually have to make mortgage payments on one, which means you become a LONG-TERM DEBT SLAVE, for decades probably. For most Americans, this is the biggest monthly expense. And in order to finance it, you will have to get a job and keep it. This will make you a slave both to the mortgage and to your job, tying you down long-term to a specific location as well. This means you are NOT free for travel, adventure or exploration.
And you will have to contend with regular cleaning and maintenance cost/labor associated with owning a home too. As they say, "Owning a home is like having a stone tied around your neck."
In addition, if you get married and have kids, it will normally lead to settling down in a home, which requires the servitude of employment to pay off - all of which results in your life being completely controlled by others, in total enslavement to obligation, duty and responsibility.
Now, if you are financially independent or can pay your mortgage without having to submit to employment, then this may not be as big of an issue for you. But for most Americans, this is their biggest monthly expense, and the reason they have to work. Other expenses in life, such as food, clothing, etc. are more malleable.
But of course, having a home to come home to is a wonderful thing. Many eventually discover that it is best to own a small cozy home in a nice area that requires the least amount of maintenance. That seems to be the ideal situation, and most easily achieved in foreign countries where homes are far more affordable than in the USA.
Each of the above take away your freedom. But if you have all four of them - living the typical life so to speak - you might as well just forget about any freedom, as you're pretty much finished. You might as well be in jail. You have zero freedom, regardless of what your Constitution or Bill of Rights says, as all that is meaningless since you have no freedom anyway.
Now, it is extremely difficult to be truly free from all four of the above binding areas of life. And it would take money and passive income too. But if you can free yourself from even two of the four, you will experience a lot more freedom than most people do. And that in itself would be a monumental achievement.
Conclusion:
So you see, all the major things above that society conditions you to want and need - jobs, marriage, children and mortgages - take away and destroy your freedom. Each one of them decreases your personal freedom, but all of them combined completely decimate your freedom for sure - by my standards that is. Yet you are supposed to feel empty and incomplete if you don't have these areas of life locking you down into monotonous routine and responsibility. That's what doesn't make sense. It's so weird. How can society be so upside-down?
Does anyone else feel the same way? Is there something wrong with me? This is what I struggle with everyday now.
Yet most people conform to society, striving for the major things above, and measuring their success by them, even though they completely take away one's freedom. It's so bizarre, like the Twilight Zone.
All of my Taiwanese cousins and family friends of my generation, for example, completely conform to what society teaches. They became doctors and engineers, or have a career in business. They have no free time, work at a stressful job each day, and come home to a nice house in a nice car. Their lives are complete routines with stable families. They make a lot of money, far more than I do of course, but unlike me, they do NOT have the freedom or luxury of getting up everyday and doing whatever they want. No siree. Plus they are bound to their spouses and children, and cannot just go out and have fun, meet new people and lovers, or explore the world per their heart's desire. Yet they are living exactly the way society has taught them to, without questioning it like I do.
So should I envy them, or should they envy me?
On the other hand, I have nearly become nearly financially independent by working for myself and establishing passive incomes through my websites (HappierAbroad.com and others). I only make enough to pay my basic expenses since I live in a third world country where cost of living is much lower than in the US (as long as I live frugally). But the important thing is that when I get up everyday, I am able to do whatever I want, and as I said, to me that's the true measure of freedom. Plus I can go out and meet cute girls whenever I want. See here for what I mean: http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm
Currently, I am working on increasing my passive income. I have not gotten married (for the reasons above), but I do have a girlfriend and son, which I support. But still, I do not wish to turn my life into a routine to become a good stable parent, for my ambition now is to travel before I get old. There are so many experiences that I want to have, so many cultures I want to experience, and interesting people to meet. So I am dealing with the dilemma of being a proper parent vs. being able to travel freely, like I used to. Adventure is what makes me tick, not routine. I don't believe in getting married and locked down just to raise a child, as society teaches. Some may be outraged that I would say that, but I cannot compromise my beliefs and freedom for anyone, even my child, and I refuse to suffer and be miserable for 20 years just to be a "proper parent". That may not be what people want to hear, but that's the truth, and I cannot change who I am to fit what people want to hear. I'd rather be hated by everyone yet still retain my freedom, than suffer everyday and lose all my freedom just to appease everyone. I know for sure that I'd regret the latter much more than the former. That's how important freedom is to me.
So anyway, at this point, I have realized what truly makes me happy, what I live for, and what makes me tick. Yet all of it is contrary to what society teaches and to what other people my age do.
How do I make sense out of this, and not feel like there's something wrong with me? Why am I different than everyone else? Can any of you relate?
So what am I advocating? That one should become a traveling hippie/nomad? Sure, if that's what makes you happy. Why not? There are many people out there living that way who are happy and fulfilled, and living richer freer lives. And if you go out and live that way, you will meet many of them. But of course, you will never hear about them from the mainstream media, which encourages you to be a workaholic conformist. But if you live the life of a perpetual traveler, you will meet many such wonderful types, and you will be surprised that their lives seem far richer and freer than the typical conformists of mainstream society. It will open doors that you never thought existed. Once you experience it, you won't want to go back. Those who have know what I mean.
I think the bottom line is that it doesn't matter what you are told about freedom by your government, culture or society - all they spew out is "cattle control propaganda". Unless you are doing what your heart desires and following your bliss, you do not have true freedom. So ultimately, the most important thing is to follow your heart and bliss with dedication and passion - regardless of what society tells you, what your family thinks, or how others judge you. As the saying goes, "Do what you love. The money will follow." That's the way to truly live.
I hope I've given you something to think about.
Recommended Books
There is a guy I know named Walt Goodridge who is very good at helping people turn their passion into profit to become self-employed. You can see his website, books, articles and interviews at PassionProfit.com To help you learn how to free your mind and life, overcome the social programming traps and false assumptions ingrained into you, I highly recommend the late Harry Browne's ebook "How I Found True Freedom in an Unfree World." You can get it from HarryBrowne.org.
