Monday, August 25, 2014
Some Honest Advice Before Marrying a Foreign Lady
After all, finding love abroad isn’t all plain sailing and there are a lot of pitfalls you need to look out for. But, our wealth of knowledge and real-life experience should ensure that you don’t end up getting bitten by your new bride.
You’ve probably heard the horror stories about guys who met the woman of their dreams in a distant land, only to realize later that they’d been played all along. Unfortunately, many of these stories are true and the guys end up losing a lot more than just their new brides.
But why are we telling you this? Simply because we want you to learn from the mistakes of others and use their bad experiences to make your own international love affair successful.
Don’t feel disheartened though, women from other parts of the world actually make fantastic wives and, if you find the right one, you’ll be happy for a very long time. Eastern Bloc ladies from countries such as Russia and Ukraine; South American beauties from countries such as Colombia, Peru and Costa Rica; and gorgeously exotic women from Asian countries like the Philippines, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia and China.
Let’s start by talking about a scenario you definitely DO NOT want to find yourself in. After about 5 years of marriage, an American guy’s foreign bride finally gets her US citizenship and within a few days she starts talking about getting a divorce. You can imagine where this is going right? After all the papers were signed, the guy’s world literally fell apart. He lost half of his properties and his retirement money – everything they had acquired/accumulated as couple since being married. As you can imagine, depending on the length of the marriage, this could be substantial.
But why didn’t the guy take the time and care to arrange a prenuptial agreement? He was in love of course! Blinkered by his emotions and too naïve to think that anything bad would happen.
Believe it or not, cases like this are not that uncommon. Therefore, you should heed the advice of friends and family when it comes to pursuing foreign love. But, most of all, read and understand everything that we’re about to tell you. We could end up saving you not just money but also your pride, dignity and faith in humanity.
So what’s the biggest mistake that a lot of guys make when they’ve met the woman of their dreams from another country? They rush to get married.
Getting to know someone is a fundamental part of building a strong and meaningful relationship. If you don’t do it, you’re asking for trouble further down the line. Sure, you could be lucky and experience nothing but happiness. Chances are though that won’t happen and you’ll inevitably find yourself going through the same motions that the guy we talked about earlier did.
With her green card approved the next stop is the attorney’s office to get those divorce papers under way. Don’t forget her half of your retirement money and the house, cars and other assets. If you’ve got any children together then it could get even more complicated. Child support isn’t cheap these days but you’ll have to pay it.
All of this because you simply didn’t know her or her intentions well enough.
However, don’t be dismayed as there are a number of things you can do to avoid this happening:
1. Hint about a prenuptial agreement
Let every woman you meet online know that you would want a prenuptial agreement if ever the two of you were to get married. This will weed out a huge number of foreign ladies who are viewing you as a dollar sign and not a lot else.
Be prepared for many women to give you the cold shoulder after you’ve had this conversation but that just proves that they definitely weren’t the right one. It’s the women who keep in contact that you should turn your attention to.
2. Keep your options open
Romance tours are a great way to physically meet some of the women you’ve been wooing online. Notice we said “some”? That’s because it’s best to keep your options open and arrange meetings with several of your favorite foreign ladies.
3. Don’t feel coerced
If one of your new foreign friends implies that she’ll stop communicating with you unless the two of you tie the knot, call her bluff. Don’t forget that there really are plenty more fish in the sea and let her try her black widow tactics elsewhere.
4. Really get to know her
Whether you join a romance tour or visit her country off your own back, it’s important that you spend quality time together. Rent an apartment for the duration of your stay or if you can’t stay for prolonged periods, make several trips a year.
Sex before marriage is increasingly common these days but be sure that you know her thoughts on the matter first. She may feel obligated to have sexual relations with you, so it’s up to you to let her know your intentions.
Also, she may have zero experience when it comes to sex, so you’ll need to be understanding and patient in this respect - open communication is the key here.
5. Resist the temptation to send her money
As hard as it may be, you need to exercise restraint in regards to sending her money. She’s probably chatting to several other guys just like you and if you all send her cash then it could be very lucrative indeed.
If you want to send her something then gifts are much better. Money should only be sent when you start to fix her fiancée visa. She’ll inevitably need money for travelling to your country’s embassy, interview fees, the notarizing of documents etc.
6. Be honest about your expectations of her
If you expect her to get a job and contribute to the running of your married household then tell her early on in your relationship. This will again deter many women with ulterior motives and will prevent any future misunderstandings on the subject.
A lot of foreign women believe that the man should be the breadwinner and her place is at home. You’re a man of the world and know that this doesn’t have to be the case.
Don’t oversell yourself when it comes to financial capacity. Be honest about what you’ve got and what you expect. Many foreign women want to secure better lives for themselves but you both need to be in unison when it comes to finances.
At the end of the day the best approach in any relationship is just to be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. That way, she’ll love you for who you are and not who you’re trying to be. Be one of the guys who can regale a happy story about their search for love in a foreign land. Don’t end up as one of the losers…
Garrett Williams is an American blogger on relationships with foreign women and owner of the international dating review site, Foreign Singles Finder.