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Friday, October 30, 2015

Finding Success at Home

No games. No bullshit.

That's the motto of my new friends-with-benefits relationship. I know, right? How can friends-with-benefits relationships even be possible in today's gynocentric and misandric culture that has spawned MGTOW? How could I possibly go back to dating or screwing women in my own country after swearing off them and altering my perception by traveling abroad for so many years? In such a toxic dating climate, how did a recent one-night stand turn into a booty call arrangement?

Well, all I can say is that this phenomenon is a rare exception, not the norm. I was in the right place at the right time. I decided to head out to a local sports pub simply to enjoy a cold one and watch the ball game. I wasn't looking to "score", I just wanted to spend some of my free time getting out of the house for a while and taking in a different atmosphere. Boy, did I get a lot more than I bargained for. 

I was at the bar, tasting a great local IPA and watching different games on four different flat screens. As I was scanning the room, acclimating to my surroundings and admiring the sports memorabilia, I made eye contact with her.  She was a rather attractive brunette with shoulder-length hair, sitting at one of the booths with her friends. Our eyes locked, and she responded with a beautiful smile. I promptly returned the favor, and then approached her.

Naturally, I was expecting to get rejected in some way. Perhaps a "fuck off" or a "get away from me" as part of her plan to damage my ego and boost hers. You know, a tease. My, was I ever wrong. I said, "Hello", and she responded with a surprisingly and rather cheerful "Hello!" 

So far, so good. I introduced myself, and she followed suit. As we were shaking hands, I felt her warm, olive skin making me a little weak. I'm kind of glad that happened as I tend to have an iron grip handshake. Despite that, my handshake was not weak, but it didn't crush her delicate hand.

Some spark had ignited. We started to make some small talk, and then she introduced me to her friends. They were receptive and pleasant to talk to as well, not to mention moderately attractive. But I was focused on this brunette. I became hypnotized by her big brown eyes that drew me in. 

To steer her away from her crew, I, a lone wolf, asked if she wanted to continue our conversation back at the bar. Before I could offer to buy her a drink, she gladly accepted my invitation. On our way back to the bar, I noticed that although she had a pretty face, her body was rather thick. I admit she had some flab on her; she was a bit chubby, but quite curvy. The fact that her chest was borderline humongous easily made me forget about her imperfections. 

Props to her for wearing a tank top that wasn't too revealing, but was strong enough to hold those twins in. She was surprisingly tall, not taller than me, but enough to take away from her flab. She had enough good traits to make me forget about the fact that I could potentially be "operating heavy machinery" later in the evening. Besides, I don't lift weights for nothing. The fact that she had a good personality went a long way, too. 

As we continued our conversation at the bar, we started talking about sports. After all, we were at a sports bar. I was talking about how I liked to watch and play sports. She then said, "I don't really like sports. I mean, I watch sometimes, but really I like to do sports more; like walking or going to the gym." 

This grabbed my attention, because we now had something in common. I replied, "I like to go to the gym, too. Like I said, I like to watch, too, and I try to get in a workout while the game I want to watch is on. Also, I like to watch the game at a restaurant or sports bar, just to change the scenery every now and then." I then asked, "So, if you don't really like to watch sports, then what are you doing here at a sports bar?"

She responded by saying, "Oh, my friends coaxed me into coming here with them. One of them really likes sports and, like you, occasionally likes to take in the sports bar atmosphere. Plus, we just wanted to get out and do something together." I said, "That's understandable. So, did they ask you to come along and be their designated driver?" She smiled and laughed before answering, "You know, I'm not a big drinker, but one of them has decided to be the designated driver tonight." 

I told here that I wasn't a big drinker, either, and that she caught me on a day where I was having a maximum of two drinks throughout this long day of watching sports on the big screen. She then half-jokingly offered to be my designated driver. I then laughed and said, "Well, I think these drinks are going to wear off by the time I go home, but thank you." She was actually serious, and said, "Really, if you want, I can drive you home." I told her, "Thank you. I appreciate that, and I'll keep that in mind."

After that we were smiling at each other for a few seconds; things were definitely going in the right direction. As we noticed some other people in the pub, acting silly from one two many drinks, she told me that she didn't understand why people felt the need to become so inebriated. She said that she didn't like doing that herself, as it was a terrible feeling during and after. I told her that I agreed. I also told her that I despised people who did that at sports bars and sporting events, that those kinds of people really ruined the game day experience.

She agreed, and then she said something that not only made me do a double take but got my full attention. "I don't think a woman's place is at a sporting event or in a sports bar, at least not on a regular basis." I nearly spit out my beer and asked why. She replied, "I observe a lot of things, and one of the many problems in this country is that women are trying to compete with men, and they are trying to be like men."

Was she a mind reader? She was thinking like me, yet here was a local woman, acting like a woman, not a tomboy or a feminist. I then said, "I actually happen to notice that very same thing. Over the years I've noticed that mixed company at a traditionally male dwelling really takes away from the atmosphere." She then said, "Exactly." 

I then said, "It's a real turnoff to see women acting like men, especially at a sporting event or sports bar. Don't they know men don't find that feminine?" The next thing she said nearly made me fall out of my chair. "I'm not a feminist. I respect men and women who respect themselves, and don't belittle others just to gain power."

I asked her, "Where you born and raised in another country or another planet?" She retorted with a giggle, and said, "No, I'm an American woman, born and raised, but my parents raised me right so that I would take responsibility for my actions. They also taught me the importance of earning things." This thrilled the shit out of me and then I asked, "So, you don't think men are creeps that are tumbling, bumbling idiots?" 

Her response was, "Some are, but don't forget that some women are like that, too." I then said, "I could not have said that better myself." Then, I asked her, "Where am I on the scale?" She replied, "Don't worry, you're on the totally awesome side; I can tell. And don't worry, nice guys finish first." 

I then asked, "Where have you been all my life?" She smiled and said, "I was wondering the same thing about you!" That led us to stare into each other's eyes for a prolonged amount of time without saying anything. I subtly touched her knee and she responded by gently rubbing her leg against mine. I then said, "Even though I've reached my two-drink limit, and it's starting to wear off, I think I'm going to take you up on your offer to drive me home." 

She promptly responded, "Absolutely" while giving me that look. The look of "let's continue this at your place." She went back to the booth to tell her friends that she was going to get another form of transformation, and then met me outside. She met me at my car, and I gave her the keys. She drove me home without any incident, except for the fact that we were occasionally staring into each other's eyes.

When we arrived at my place, I thanked her for driving me home, and invited her inside. She gladly accepted, and I knew that things were only getting better after this point. As we walked to my front door, holding hands, I told her, "You know, you're quite attractive. Has anyone ever told you that?" She responded, "Thank you. Yes, I hear that sometimes. But I can tell that you mean it." 

I smiled as I unlocked the front door and then I let us in. By this time the alcohol had worn off, and I was already feeling semi-hard downstairs from the time I was at the bar, chatting up with this cool chick. While at the bar I controlled myself so as not to have such a noticeable bulge in public. I knew that whiskey dick wasn't going to be a factor tonight. I then led us to my living room couch.

As we sat down, I looked at her, ran my fingers through her hair and then kissed her. Suddenly we had a full makeout session going on. Things were getting heated, and we were making out like mad dogs. There was a strong passion in our kissing. After a few minutes of that, I said, "Let's go to my bedroom," and led her by the hand to the place where the magic would happen.

Once we entered my room, we resumed our kissing session. But this time I was kissing her neck, fondling her breasts and squeezing her ass. She was blowing softly in my ear, kissing my neck, feeling my chest, and grabbing my crotch. It didn't take long for me to go from semi-hard to fully erect. I was hornier than I thought, and she was only making me as crazed as a gorilla that just escaped from the zoo.

We then proceeded to undress each other. First, I helped her take off her top, and then I reached back behind her and unhooked her bra. Before her bra came off, she helped me take off my shirt. Then her boulder holder came off, and that is when I became amazed at the size of her massive mammaries. They were just clamoring to get out of her tank top, and I showed my appreciation by fondling them and sucking on her silver dollar nipples.

My doing this only made her more excited, and once I did a motorboat, that only pleased her even more. I would have done her and myself a disservice had I not played with such big tits. I then started to work my way down by kissing her tummy and then tickling her curvy obliques, which induced some laughing from her. Then, I undid her button and zipper on her designer jeans, and took them off. She then did the same with my pants, so that we both found ourselves standing in the middle of my bedroom, with nothing but our underwear on. 

I then gently pushed her onto my bed, and this put a grin on her face. I got down on the bed as well, reaching for her g-string. As I was taking it off, she put her hands on mine, accelerating the speed at which it came off. I noticed that she had no tattoos, and was completely shaved, the way I like women. If I'm horny enough, I can deal with hair, but I can't fathom having sex with an art gallery.

After briefly admiring her sexy, curvy naked body, I went straight to work by going down on her. I licked her shaved pussy in a way that made her repeatedly moan and squeal. I used my fingers in ways that cannot be explained, for magicians never reveal their secrets. In between her legs clenching and covering my ears from me giving her multiple orgasms, I kept hearing her say, "Oh, Andy. Oh my god. Ah. Oh. Oh, yeah." She nearly screamed after her umpteenth orgasm, and it was times like that that made me thankful to be living alone. I continued going down on her after that, but she stopped me with a big smile on her face.

"Now you lay down," she said. So, I did and she proceeded to take off my underwear. My semi-erect penis was soon made rock hard again by her giving me the best head I had gotten in a while. I was again hypnotized every time her big brown eyes looked up at me. Besides being grateful for such an amazing woman, doing such a nice thing for me, I was beside myself. 

She then surprised and thrilled the shit out of me by licking my balls. To say that it tickled is an understatement. I laughed profusely because it tickled, yet felt so good. I enjoyed it  and the blowjob immensely. Hey, we had another thing in common: we were both ticklish. 

After she went down in me for a while, a grand feeling came over me, throughout my entire body. It was extraordinary. I stopped her, put my hands gently on her face, looked into her eyes and said, "Baby, I love you. And I'm gonna fuck the shit outta you!" Smiling, she said, "Okay, baby. I love you, and I want you." 

She laid back down on my bed, while I grabbed a condom from my nightstand. While I put it on my hard cock, I noticed her playing with herself a bit, to keep herself wet and horny. I then got on the bed, and as I was about to insert my "petrified tree" into her snatch, she spread her legs wide, and pulled them, all the way back behind her ears, and said, "Oooh, yeah!" I put my dick inside her pussy, and she let out a big moan. After only a few slow thrusts, she started gyrating her pelvis, which only made the sex more exhilarating. 

Out of nowhere, I heard her saying shit like, "Oh, Andy. Oh Andy, you're amazing." I then heard her say, "It feels so good, with your dick inside my pussy!" I didn't say anything, I just started to fuck her a bit harder, which only satisfied her even more. I put her legs on top of my shoulders and that only made her happier. After a while of having missionary sex at a medium pace, I went full throttle and fucked her really hard, which had her in complete ecstasy. 

She wasn't talking much at that point, she kept taking deep breaths and kept looking up at me with a big smile on her face. The whole moment was great, but the great sex with such an attractive woman whose big tits were bouncing around with each thrust was about to reach its climax. I felt myself about to explode, and told her, "I'm gonna come." She responded, "Okay." I felt myself getting so hot with each thrust, and then I came inside her pussy.

As I came, I let out a strong grunt. I could feel myself coming, a lot, and as I was doing that, I roared like a lion because my orgasm was so intense. When I was done cumming I howled like a wolf. I looked down at her, only to find her smiling up at me, saying, "Oh yeah" as she took a deep breath. I took a deep breath myself, and said, "You're amazing" as I kissed her, and then said, "I'll be right back." 

She smiled, and said, "Okay." I went to the bathroom to take off my rubber, which had a very big load in it. I usually shoot big loads, but this one was massive. I was a lot hornier than I thought, and considering it had been while before meeting her, it made sense. I properly disposed of the condom by employing the Tom Leykis method, using hot sauce I kept beneath the sink to put inside and then tying that sucker in a knot.

As I came out of the bathroom, I found her, still laying down on my bed, smiling at me. I said, "Hi, how are you?" She responded, "I'm very good. And you?" I said, "I'm great!" She then said, "Good. Oh, and you're amazing, too!" I said, "Thank you. Would you like some more of that amazing?" She eagerly nodded her head and said, "Oh yes" and then kissed me.

I thought she would have left while I was in the bathroom, and I knew that if she was still around when I got out, I should have kicked her out. But this was a one night stand that felt special, something that wasn't going to develop into a relationship, but a friends with benefits arrangement. After she used the bathroom, she came back to the bed with some water from the kitchen. This was another pleasant surprise; a smiling, naked curvy woman bringing refreshments into the bedroom without me even asking or implying. This was a dream.

I graciously accepted and said, "Thank you." She responded by enthusiastically saying, "You're welcome!" As we lay there on the bed, we started talking. It was a good conversation, just like we had at the bar. We confirmed that neither of us was a prostitute nor an undercover cop. We then told each other that we were glad to have met each other. Then we started to talk about where things were going to go between us, from her on out. 

We knew we most likely ruined any chance at a relationship, but we had such a connection, such a strong chemistry that we knew that we were going to see each other again, even if only as fuck buddies. I told her that I had been screwed over before, and that it had been a while since my last relationship, which ended badly. She totally understood and said that the same thing happened to her a while back. I then stated that I was reluctant to get back into a committed relationship, that I wanted to take things slow, excluding the fact that I just had some amazing sex. She was completely understanding and nodded in agreement. 

I then said, "I like you. What do you think about us making this a regular thing, with no strings attached?" She replied, "Well, I really like you, and I really want to get to know you other than the fact that you're amazing in bed. But I also understand that you're a man, and you have needs. I'm sure you know that women have needs, too, and I'm no different. I definitely want to take care of you without any games, power plays or nonsense. If something more develops, then great."

So, then I asked her, "So, are we in agreement to be friends with benefits?" As her eyes lit up, she smiled and said, "Yes, absolutely! I would like that very much" and then kissed me. We then started making out again, going down on each other again and having sex with each other again. We had sex for a total of five times that night, which tied a personal record for me. In addition to missionary, we tried a couple other different positions and she even used her big ass titties to titty fuck my hard member. 

After not getting much sleep that night (go figure), dawn was approaching and I offered to drive her home. She accepted, but before we left, we agreed to see each other once a week, primarily so that we could "take care of each other." As I dropped her off at her place, we exchanged numbers, kissed and hugged and told each other we'd see each other later. She said, "I'm looking forward to it!" I then said, with a smile on my face, "As am I." 

She exited my car, said, 'bye' and I said, "Until next time." She smiled, said "I want us to be each other's porn stars", closed the car door and waved as I went on my merry way. As I was driving back home, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. There was not a single ounce of tension in my body. I wasn't stressed at all. That was exactly what I needed, and I was very fortunate to have met such a rare breed of American woman like her.

On my way home, I decided to celebrate by doing something I very rarely do by stopping at McDonald's for breakfast. As crappy as their food is, my breakfast that morning was the best I had had in a while. How ironic. If there was ever a time to have a cheat meal, this was it. There's just something about celebrating the end of a drought with an Egg McMuffin. 

By the time I got back home, the sun was coming up. The wild and crazy night had caught up to me, and I was ready to faint. Luckily, I had nowhere to be on this day so I decided to go to sleep. But before I did, I did a backflip, a cartwheel, snapped my fingers five times and let out a fart that registered 2.0 on the Richter scale and fell asleep. How ironic because even though I only slept a few hours until noon, that was some of the best sleep I had gotten in a while.

After sleeping in the first half of the day, I spent the second half of it, relaxing by the pool, going to the movies and playing miniature golf. I even won a slushie on the 18th hole. It had been a great 24 hours, and once night fell, I called it a day and got some even better sleep. A week passed and I called this magnificent woman. When she answered, her tone of voice indicated that she was happy to hear from me. 

I then asked her if she wanted to come over and hang out. She said, "Yes, of course" and was at my place later in the evening. We took care of each other in more ways than one, in several venues. This happened for several more weeks, where we were enjoying each other's company, getting to know each other through pleasant conversations, and most of all fucking each other's brains out. Our friends with benefits relationship was the ideal arrangement.

Then, a couple days before Halloween, she called me up, asking if we could hang out. Pleasantly surprised, I said, "Sure." She invited me over to her place this time, as she didn't have roommates either. We had alternated venues during all this time. Even though we agreed to see each other once a week, there was no scheduled time or day to meet, so there was still some thrill and element of surprise. 

When I arrived at her place, she greeted me with open arms, like she always did, and kissed and hugged me like crazy. She stated that she and her friends were going to a Halloween party this weekend, and she wanted me to come. I told her, "Thanks, but I already have plans. I was already invited to another Halloween party." Being the down to earth, totally understanding woman that she was, she said non-sarcastically, "That's cool! I completely understand."

Then, she said, "I'm glad that you came over, and, as always, I'm happy to see you today because I'll be busy on Halloween, anyway. I'm going to be the designated driver on that day." I said, "Ain't that something! I'm going to be the designated driver, too!" We both laughed and smiled. We knew that we weren't going to be able to spend time together on Halloween, so this day was going to have to suffice. 

We then gazed into each other's eyes, and then she held out her hand and led me towards her bedroom. Once in her bedroom, she told me to lay down on her bed and relax. We were still fully clothed, we just weren't getting as crazy as we usually were getting on this day. She kissed me, ran her fingers through my hair, caressed my face, and then rubbed my shoulders and chest. Then, she worked her way to to my feet and proceeded to pull my leg, much like I'm pulling yours now. 

I had you going for a moment, didn't I? You fuckers didn't really think I'd regress and start dating American women again, did you? You must be one fucked up cookie to think that I would settle for an inferior group of people after seeing what the rest of the world has to offer. Let me put it this way: When you make it to the big leagues, you don't ever want to go back to the minors. You want to stay in the show. 

I seriously don't think I could ever get a boner from today's American women, anyway. Even if I lowered my standards and pulled back a few drinks, it still wouldn't work, anyway, because of whiskey dick. Guys, listen. There ARE American women like the fictitious one I described, but they are extremely rare and are taken. There simply are not enough of them to go around.

So, relax, dudes; I didn't hook up with any local women, and there is no friends with benefits relationship going one with me. Don't think that you can have a friends with benefits relationship in the U.S. Such a relationship was possible just over a decade ago, but feminism, SJW's and obesity have fucked dating and relationships up so bad, men and women nowadays avoid each other like the plague. Any kind of relationship, even a one night stand, is toxic in America. Go your own way in the States, but seek out meaningful relationships abroad.

It is only a matter of time before I travel abroad again, and I won't be subjected to any nonsense. Booty call commandments are unheard of and useless abroad. One-night stands overseas? Only if you're P4P. But you're better than that. 

The irony is that relationships with foreign women generally do not have any time or room for games or bullshit. They want to be your best friend, your porn star and your girlfriend, and they don't want to conceal that. If and when you decide to move abroad, you will have a new home, and you will find success at home. Happy travels, fellas.