Thursday, October 29, 2015

Finding a Good Woman on Date In Asia: Part I: Tips, Tricks and Avoiding Bad Women

If you're new to online dating and foreign dating, DateinAsia.com can be a good place to start. I have been a member there for about two years, and I've learned a few things. For part I, I will share some tips, tricks, and advice on avoiding the scum at the bottom of the barrel. Part II will focus on directly searching for a good woman on Date in Asia.

Part I: Tips, Tricks, and Avoiding Bad Women

I am not interested in those who just want to monger. But if that's what you want from Date in Asia (DiA), you shouldn't have any trouble. Plenty of low-quality girls on there for you to talk to. Although as I have noted before, that just makes it more difficult for every guy who is searching. I don't believe that actual countries are getting spoiled so much as the online spheres of dating are getting spoiled and inundated with crap, both from males and females. But I digress.

There are some good parts and bad parts to DiA. It does seem a bit worse than when I joined two years ago, although I will get into the negatives later. First of all, what are the advantages of using the site? Well, the first thing is that it is 100% free. They charge for absolutely nothing – all features are freely available when you sign up. In my opinion, this is the only reason to use it. They go for quantity over quality, but their model works. It does get them a lot of users. This means that you will have to put in more effort to find a quality girl. One of my contentions with paying for a dating site membership is that it shouldn't have to cost anything to meet women – they're all over the internet and world, after all. I might do that eventually, but so far I haven't “needed” to. To each his own.

The site is for Asian women, of course, but one of the first things you will notice is that most of the women on the site are from the Philippines. When I first joined I got an instant ego boost from Filipinas sending me many messages a day. I found that Filipinas were most likely to respond, and other nationalities usually didn't initiate. Be proactive when you use the site. You need to find a good woman, and there will be a lot of bad women to sift through. If you see a good profile on DiA, put your best foot forward and go for it. I've noticed that fewer women seem to respond now than two years ago, and the women who have been on the site longer have encountered lots of “players” - they've gotten defensive as a result. An example of mongers ruining things for everyone. A lot of women, if they even slightly suspect you are not “serious” will ignore your messages.

Here are a few things you can make use of while searching:

-Although the site is focused on Asian women, other nationalities are allowed on the site. Technically, every country of the world is searchable on there, but there are not usually many in other countries. But this could be a way to search for women that don't get a lot of visibility on the site.

-You can search based on city and country, BUT the city doesn't have to be in the country you are searching in. You can exploit this search trick to find a certain nationality in other countries. For example, if you set the city to Manila, but the country to China, you could then find Filipinas living in China. For this to work, the woman of course will have to set her location the right way. If she's a Filipina from Manila working in Hong Kong, but she lists her location as Hong Kong, China, then this little trick won't work.

-The site recently started allowing users to post multiple photos of themselves on their profile. Take advantage of this. Serious looking photos don't work so well, but one might be all right. Otherwise, upload some humorous photos or photos in which you are smiling sincerely. 

-The time of day that you use the site will matter, as it is usually better to message women when they are online too and initiate things quickly. If you already live in Asia, no problem. You can log in at different times during your day and see which times work better for you. If you live in the West still, might be better if you're a night owl so you can be online when most of the women are.

-Filipinas are most likely to initiate conversation. I have found that most other Asian nationalities don't initiate often, and don't have as high of a response rate either. This can be attributed to the language barrier – you'd be surprised how many women get on a dating site without speaking English. Filipinas have much more in common with Western men, so the conversations and connections come more easily. I always seem to have a particularly hard time communicating with Thai women (most of whom are in Bangkok) are perhaps my lowest response rate. My response rate was initially very low with Chinese women also, but that has gotten a bit better with time.

Many more women on dating sites nowadays aren't very interested if you aren't already in their country (or nearby) or don't have definite plans to come. They will often assume the worst about these guys. Once you have lived abroad for a while and gotten to understand the language and culture a bit more, you may find your response rate for that nationality increasing as you start to get a feel for what kind of message works better for that group of women.

Here are a few negatives you'll have to deal with when using the site:

-I'm not sure if it is true, but the site now warns that if you use certain keywords in your profile or messages, that you'll be banned. Words such as “sex” can get you banned reputedly. The problem is that there is no indication that they check for context. It's something of a zero-tolerance policy, so be cautious what words you are using. Even if you are saying that you “aren't looking for sex” you might end up banned anyway. Take conversations to Skype or some other medium. It would suck to be talking to a nice girl and then you make some small slip up (or she does) and then you get banned and can't get back to her. (This is a stupid policy if true, but if you use the site, just be cautious.)

-I have even heard stories of guys getting banned for no reason, or obviously bullshit reasons. This even happened to Winston, who was banned for “copying and pasting messages,” supposedly. I have copied and pasted many times, and for me after a few copies the site would just tell me that I couldn't copy and paste that same message anymore and wouldn't let me send. DiA may target some male users for banning for unknown reasons, so tread carefully. Being a free site, they don't have much to lose by being assholes.

-The site doesn't allow you to write in a foreign language in your profile, although you can do this in your messages. This is a stupid policy, and if you try to do this it won't accept your profile and will tell you to change it. It will allow a small amount of non-English words in a profile, but I don't know what the cut-off is.

One new thing that has recently been added to profiles is stats: profiles now indicate how many visitors and interests a user has gotten daily and monthly. This seems very superficial on one level, but on another level it just confirms what we already know: hotter women get more views and interest. Still, it seems to be a way for the site to get everyone to work harder for something that is pointless and 'keep up with the Joneses.' Of course, profiles that are already more popular will keep getting more visibility.

So what about bad women on the site? That's most of DiA's population unfortunately. Here's what most of the women will be like:

-A LOT of older divorced women and single moms of all ages. Dating sites tend to attract women of low value, one reason I am skeptical of paying for a dating site. As a foreigner, you have already been stereotyped as being accepting of divorced women and single moms. Hence, these types flood the dating sites looking for a sucker to wife them up. In my experience on DiA, some women are better at the deception part than others. Some women will put in their profiles that they have no kids, but when you talk to them they will mention it. Many women will lie about their ages too. Ask questions, and be persistent. If she isn't going to be upfront with you, she's hiding something. Next her immediately.

I have noticed that Chinese women are much better at lying than Filipinas. A lot of older Chinese females will used airbrushed photos, or otherwise alter their photos to look more attractive than they really are. Be cautious: Chinese women often age well and their looks can be deceiving, even without makeup and airbrushing. You'll find plenty of 40 or 50+ Chinese women who look better than a lot of 25 or 30 year olds. Be careful, it's a trap!

Filipina single moms are ubiquitous on DiA. What's even worse is that many are proud of it! They'll make no bones about saying they want a man who can wife them up and raise their kids. They don't have the same arrogance that Western females too, but they can be persistent. Like all women, their mindset is that “my mistakes should be forgiven no matter what, and a man should pay for my mistakes.” Avoid, avoid, avoid. And remember, ask questions! The girl might say she has no kids in order to lure you in. Then she'll try to get you attached before dropping the 'baby bomb.' 

-A lot of girls will post provocative photos of themselves (which the site allows unfortunately.) Said girls will often post on their profiles that they are tired of finding guys who just want sex. DiA should be clamping down on bullshit like this: either allow sexual talk and photos or don't - but they only punish the men for being sexual. Anyway - these girls are nuttier than squirrel shit, and have issues on par with Western women. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Remember, modesty is paramount when looking for a good girl. If she's not modest, she's not a good girl.

-Scammers are still on DiA, but in my opinion these are the easiest bad women to avoid. Although DiA is like a big mangina enforcer, it also bans women who ask for money, so this balances things quite a bit. (My guess is that they don't really care, but if they didn't enforce this, 99% of the women would turn to scammers virtually overnight.) A lot of the scammers will be discreet and not mention money directly; they'll often give you a sob story and hope you'll take the bait. Some will even try to take things to Skype quickly so that they can directly ask for money.

If you're new to foreign dating, brace yourself – avoid the pitfalls of receiving an ego boost. Don't settle for the first nice girl you talk to. And definitely don't do anything stupid like getting involved with a single mom. Your first role will be that of a detective: you've got to dig, search for clues and red flags, and be observant.

Stay tuned for Part II, where I'll go into directly searching for a good girl on DiA.

Don't forget to like and share, and if you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. Happy searching, and don't forget to stay tuned for part II, where we'll get into the meat of searching for a good girl.

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