Monday, April 7, 2014

Return of the Jedi: The most logically flawed movie ever made!


The third movie in the original Star Wars trilogy, Return of the Jedi, has got to be the most logically flawed movie ever made. There are more logical errors in it than Swiss cheese. Nothing made sense in this movie. Lucas must be horrible in logic. It must be his weak point. I also consider it the worst of the trilogy. Anyway, let's begin...


- The beginning part was stupid. Why would Jabba the Hut keep Han Solo frozen? If you want revenge on someone, you don't keep them asleep. You wake them up and punish them and torture them. Or you make them repay their debts and then either release them, kill them, or torture them, depending on the score you want to settle.

- And why would Jabba keep Han, Leia and Luke prisoner so he could take them out into the desert and throw them into that mouth pit? Why not just execute them on the spot or imprison them? Why take such a chance so that they could escape?

- During the battle on the barge, why did Bobba Fett hit the sand dune and then roll into the mouth pit? Sand is not ice. You do not slide down it against your will. Anyone who has walked on a sand dune or tried to roll down one knows that you have to MAKE yourself roll down one. You do not slide down one like ice. When you hit a sand dune, you immediately stop. You do not roll down unless you make the effort to roll down. It looks like Lucas doesn't know anything about sand. Or he just wants the movie to be stupid.

- Why would Bobba Fett not take out Han Solo first, who is right next to him, rather than Luke? A blind Han Solo would be easy to take out in a second. Instead, he ignores Han and concentrates on Luke, while Han accidentally hits Bobba Fett's jet pack with some pole, causing it to ignite and propel him into the sand dune for that unrealistic roll into the mouth pit mentioned above. A great fighter or bounty hunter does not get defeated by an accidental move from a blind man. That's silly and has never happened in history. It's also a cheap insult on the villains too.

- How can Luke stand in the middle of the barge in broad daylight, surrounded by enemies, and not get hit? Anyone can shoot him from behind. A light saber does not provide 360 degree protection.

- How did Leia choke Jabba the Hutt to death with chains so easily? He was huge. How could he be that weak to have a woman choke him so easily? Furthermore, why would Jabba tie chains around himself so that anyone can choke him with it, including his female slave Leia? Also, wouldn't a super powerful gangster whom everyone feared (including Solo) like Jabba the Hut have some body guards around him?

Also, if Jabba the Hutt was that easy to kill, then why was Solo running from him during the first two films and acting afraid of him? Why run in fear from someone who is super easy to kill? lol

- Why would firing the barge's deck gun at the barge's deck destroy the whole barge and explode it? Why would Jabba have a barge that was so easy to blow up with just one shot from its own deck gun? That is way too contrived. It seems that this movie was designed for the brainless.

- When Luke returns to Dagobah to complete his Jedi training with Yoda, Yoda tells him that he does not need any more training, and that he must face Vader again to become a fully trained Jedi. How can this be? When he left Yoda and Ben's apparition in Empire Strikes Back, they said that he still needed a lot more training. How did Luke suddenly excel so far that he didn't need it anymore? One might think that his experience with Vader on Cloud City accelerated his training.

However, that doesn't make sense. He got his ass whipped by Vader, his hand cut off, and suffered an emotional shock from learning that Vader was his father. How does that make up for missing training? Sure he resisted Vader's temptation to join him. But that shouldn't make up for any missed training either. Plus, in his previous training, Luke failed his test in the cave when he slew a phantom image of Darth Vader, which indicated that he still had a lot to learn. It just doesn't add up.

Next, the whole Death Star/Endor battle scene was ridiculous and senseless. It was like a cartoon. I guess you don't have to have common sense to be a movie director.

- First, why would the Empire construct its new Death Star in the middle of nowhere like that, especially during wartime? That's stupid. It would be like the US Navy during WWII constructing its best naval ships and carriers out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where the enemy could easily spring a surprise attack. It would never do that. The navy would construct its ships at naval facilities close to home. Likewise, the Empire in real life would construct the Death Star near its home planet and base at Coruscant where it could be closely protected and monitored.

Lucas obviously needed a way for the Rebels to win, and if the Empire had followed common sense, the Rebels would have had no chance. So Lucas had to deprive the Empire of common sense. That's lame. He should have tried to find a more plausible way for the Rebels to win, such as acquiring more allies and ships, or having the Empire collapse from within. That would be more realistic and more like how Empires fall in real life.

- Why would the new Death Star need to have a shield generator outside of it? Ships and space stations in the Star Wars universe usually have shields generated from the INSIDE. Why would they have a shield generated outside, which could be easily destroyed? It's as if the Empire purposely set its Death Star up to be attacked and destroyed. Yeah right.

Obviously, again, Lucas needed an easy for the Rebels to win, so he had to have the Empire expose itself to unnecessary risk. It's too contrived. He should have found a more realistic and plausible way for the Rebels to win. It seems that Lucas is very bad when it comes to logic and common sense. He would make a horrible military strategist and most likely could not even beat the computer at chess on level one.

- Furthermore, why would the Emperor place himself in a Death Star that was so easy to destroy? And why would he have a bottomless pit in the area where he sits, so that he can be thrown into it? Why would an emperor set himself up like that? It's way too contrived and cliched. Emperors do not sit near bottomless pits so that they can be assassinated. That's way too silly. Lucas is too out of touch with reality.

- The Rebel strategy for taking out the shield generator was nonexistent. Why send a small assault team to try to take it out, not knowing what would happen or how heavily guarded it was or even how to get into it? There was no real plan or basis for this strategy. I mean, what if they arrived and the shield generator was heavily guarded by an army and had many exterior guns? What would their small assault team do then? Try to take them out in a shootout? Infiltrate them? Recruit wild animals? lol. They simply had no real reliable plan. Yet they banked the survival of the whole Rebel fleet and the outcome of the war, on this one ground mission which technically had no chance of succeeding?! WTF? That was weird.

Yet in spite of this, Lando kept telling Admiral Ackbar to have faith in Han completing his mission and getting that shield down, when there was no logical basis for such faith, as explained above. So, the survival of the whole Rebel fleet was at stake and they were banking on Han's small assault team taking out a heavily guarded shield generator with no strategy or method? WTF? That sounds suicidal to me. No one would rely on such a strategy or bank a whole war on it.

It would have been more quick and efficient to simply fire missiles at the shield generator to take it out, or try to use fighters to secretly attack and destroy it. But oh wait, I guess if they did that, then our heroes wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet those stupid Ewoks, and the film wouldn't have appealed to children. lol

- When Han and the Rebel assault team in the shuttle transmitted the clearance code to the Imperial fleet to get to Endor, Vader sensed that his son Luke was on board the shuttle. He even told the Emperor about it afterward. So he knew right there that there was a Rebel assault force in the shuttle. Yet he let the shuttle land anyway. That was a huge tactical blunder that made no sense, and cost the Empire the battle.

Why would he let them land and put the shield generator at risk? Why not immediately capture the shuttle and take his son to the Emperor to be converted, if that was his plan? Or put the tractor beam on them without warning? Why bank on Luke coming to Vader of his own will on Endor, if he didn't have to, and could have captured them right there? Vader's decision to allow the shuttle to land was completely baseless and reckless. It also cost the Empire the whole war. Antagonists always do the stupidest things.

- The battle on Endor was ridiculous, goofy and impossible. The Ewoks had no chance against the stormtroopers. How could the Ewok arrows pierce the armor of the stormtroopers? If their armor can't stop arrows and stones, then what's the point of them wearing it, which slows down their movement and heats them up (unless there is a cooling system inside)? Arrows are no match for laser blasters and walking machines.

- In fact, what was the point of the stormtroopers wearing all that white armor over their whole body? I mean, it did not protect them against laser blasts, nor did it protect them against the Ewoks' arrows. So what was the point of wearing it? It only slowed them down, impeded their mobility and flexibility, and required cooling units inside. It seemed like a lot of trouble for nothing.

The Empire does not seem very efficient. Why not just have the stormtroopers wear the gear and outfits that standard army soldiers wear, or that SWAT teams wear with bullet proof vests? That white armor that covered their whole body did not provide any advantages, only disadvantages.

Plus, didn't Luke say in the first Star Wars movie when he was wearing stormtrooper armor that, "I can't see a thing in this"? If the stormtroopers couldn't see well in that armor, then what's the point of wearing it? What kind of Empire puts helmets on their troops that interferes with their vision? lol. Wouldn't such an Empire that inefficient be unable to have conquered so many star systems? lol.

Also, I gotta wonder how those stormtroopers take a piss or shit or even go to sleep. Do they remove all that armor every night? lol

- Swinging logs cannot destroy the metal hull of AT Walkers like paper. Metal does not collapse like paper from colliding with logs. On Hoth, when giant Snow Walkers were deployed, their armor was impenetrable to the lasers of the Rebel Snow Speeders, which means they must be pretty tough. So, if the little AT Walkers had similar armor, then there's no way swinging logs could crush them like paper.

- Speaking of Snow Walkers, one was seen in this film at night on Endor, in the scene where Luke surrenders himself to Vader. However, it was never used during the battle of Endor. I wonder why. Since its armor was impenetrable to lasers, there's no way the Ewoks could have done anything to it (except maybe tie a rope around its legs to topple it like the Snow Speeders did in Empire Strikes Back). It would also have kept the shield generator protected from Solo and his assault team.

Now, one might suppose that it wasn't used because it was too big to walk around the forest fighting the Ewoks. But if that's so, then what was it doing there in the first place? At least it could have guarded the shield generator, so clowns like Solo couldn't get to it.

- When Han and his party were captured by the stormtroopers at the shield generator, there was no need to take them outside to stand around. What was the point of that? To have them look at all the stormtroopers and gloat in their defeat? Why didn't they just execute them, and eliminate the risk that threatened their whole war?

- During the shootout outside the shield generator, Han and Leia stood in the corner of the closed doorway of the shield generator, totally unprotected and exposed in the open. They were no more protected than if one were to stand in the corner of an open room. This means that they were sitting ducks and anyone could have shot them.

Yet none of the stormtroopers hiding in the forest could hit them?! WTF? That is unbelievable and implausible. They should have been easily gunned down in seconds. I guess Lucas expects us to subdue reason and believe that two people standing out in the open cannot get hit by trained military soldiers surrounding them. Uh huh.

- When Leia was hit in the shoulder during the shootout outside the shield generator, Han gets distracted and the stormtroopers come up behind them and order them to surrender, which they get out of after Leia just shoots them down. Yeah right.

Again, why didn't the stormtroopers just shoot them when they had the chance, since they posed a high risk and threat to the shield generator, on which the whole war hinged on? They should have immediately shot Solo in the back and finished them both. I guess the Empire just wasn't meant to win...

- The way Han Solo and his party finally capture the shield generator defied basic logic. Han poses as an AT Walker driver, using a captured AT Walker, and asks the shield generator personnel to send reinforcements to pursue the fleeing Ewoks and Rebels. When reinforcements are sent out, they are immediately ambushed and captured, and the door is left open for Han and his party to enter into the shield generator and blow it up. Now, there are a number of obvious problems with this:

First, why would an AT Walker driver be giving orders to the personnel of the shield generator? He takes orders. He doesn't give them. And the personnel in the generator should have refused his request anyway, for the next reason.

Second, the shield generator personnel's primary duty was to protect the shield generator and keep it running. It was their highest priority, since the whole war with the Rebels hinged on the shield generator's protection of the Death Star (well according to the logic of this movie that is). Therefore, there was no sense in sending out most of the personnel inside out to chase Ewoks and Rebels deep in the woods, leaving the shield generator unprotected and undermanned, when their primary duty was to protect it. That made zero sense and was a suicidal move.

Logically, the shield generator manager should have replied to Han's request with the following, "That won't be necessary. Just let them go and return to the shield generator to help guard it. The protection of the generator is our highest priority right now."

At that point, Han would have no way to get into the shield generator except by trying to destroy it with the AT Walker, or placing the explosive charges on the outside of the generator. But then again, shouldn't a crucial shield generator have some exterior weapons, armor or defensive capability, or at least a protective force field of its own?

Third, when the squad of Imperial personnel left the shield generator only to be surrounded by Ewoks, there was no reason for them to surrender. They could have immediately fired their laser weapons at the Ewoks and at Han Solo too. Arrows are no match for laser blasters. If arrows were better, why would anyone be using lasers? lol.

Moreover, if the Imperial squad knew that giving up the shield generator meant that the Empire would lose the war, wouldn't they have gone for broke anyway and started firing at the Ewoks and Solo? Han's strategy made no sense and would not have worked in reality.

Fourth, the personnel inside the shield generator should have known from watching the battle outside through exterior cameras, and from field reports from their forces outside, that they had lost the battle in the forest, and therefore, should stay in and keep the doors locked to prevent the Rebels from getting in. In that case, Han's cheap trick should have failed and been obvious.

Furthermore, when the Imperial personnel inside the generator saw that the squad sent out was immediately captured, with their security cameras, why didn't they immediately close the door? And why didn't the door close by itself after the squad went outside? Surely the Imperials weren't planning on leaving that crucial door open were they? Geez.

Also, how did all those Ewoks get on top of the generator for this stupid ambush? Weren't there security cameras outside that let the Imperials see what's going on outside?

As you can see, the capture of the shield generator contained multiple errors of basic logic. Sheesh. George Lucas must suck at any kind of strategy. If he were a military commander, he'd probably be the worst in history. He probably could not even beat the computer at chess on level one. The strategy and actions used in Return of the Jedi were obviously meant for the most brainless of people.

Next, the space battle above Endor also defied basic logic.

- The Imperial fleet obviously outnumbered, outsized and outgunned the Rebel fleet. Admiral Ackbar even admitted this when he said to Lando, "At that range our ships won't last long against those Star Destroyers." Yet it was never explained why the Imperial fleet didn't finish off the Rebel fleet. Even after the Death Star was destroyed and the Emperor was dead, nothing still prevented them from finishing off the Rebel fleet.

We are expected to assume that after the Emperor died, the entire Empire fled and disbanded. Yeah right. Didn't the Emperor have a successor, or did he plan that after he died, his Empire would be no more? In real life, Emperors and Kings have successors to continue their nation or empire. For example, when Julius Caesar was assassinated in Rome, he was replaced by a new Caesar, Octavian, whom was named in his will. And the Roman Empire went on.

But either way, even without an Emperor, the Imperials should have finished the Rebels off anyway out of pride and vengeance. That way, they could go home and say, "We lost our new Death Star and Emperor, but we destroyed the entire Rebel fleet and won the war. All we need now is a new Emperor to continue the Empire. Since we successfully crushed the Rebellion, our Emperor did not die in vain."

Wouldn't that have been far more honorable and glorious than going home and saying in shame, "We lost our new Death Star and Emperor, so we fled and gave up and lost the war. The Empire is no more."

Um Lucas, hello! Have you ever tried putting yourself in the Empire's shoes? I guess when Lucas wants closure in a movie, he rushes it any way he can, even in the most nonsensical way.

The bottom line is that technically, Return of the Jedi does not bring closure to the saga or end the war with the Empire. Even if the Empire had divided up into factions after the Emperor died, still, with Imperial ships out there that outmatched the Rebel ships, the galaxy was still not safe and neither was the Rebel Alliance. The rest of the Empire still posed a great danger. So the silly war on Endor had not really brought stable peace to the galaxy. Therefore, Lucas goofed in assuming that it did.

- When the Death Star's shield was down, why didn't the Imperials close off the tunnels that the Rebel fighters were flying through to get to the main reactor? Why make it so easy for fighters to fly through the Death Star and blow it up? Haven't the Imperials ever heard of a "door or wall" before?

- The way the Imperial flagship Executor got destroyed by crashing into the Death Star after a Rebel fighter crashed into its bridge, was cheap, cheesy, implausible, and defied the laws of physics, for a number of reasons.

First, you can't destroy a ship the size of the Executor, which looked to be at least ten times the size of a Star Destroyer (based on the scene in Empire Strikes Back when Star Destroyers moved alongside and under it, see here: http://www.theforce.net/swtc/Pix/dvd/zs/tesb/exechoth4.jpg), by simply crashing a fighter into its bridge. Geez. Can you sink an aircraft carrier by simply crashing a fighter plane into its bridge? No, you can't. You have to inflict a lot more damage than that to sink a carrier. So this made no sense.

Second, a huge flagship the size of ten Star Destroyers should have a ton of defensive capabilities, including shields, armor, lasers, backup systems, etc. and should be extremely difficult to destroy or incapacitate. A few outmatched, outnumbered and outgunned Rebel fighters isn't going to take out a thing like that. Come on now. Furthermore, such a ship should have backup navigation systems.

Third, even if you destroy a ship's navigation system (by crashing a fighter into its bridge in this case), it will simply glide onward and eventually get lost in space. It will not fall down like a plane from the sky in Earth's atmosphere. Come on now. Moreover, the Death Star does not produce gravity, and even if it did, it would not be strong enough to pull down a gigantic ship like that. Obviously, Lucas thinks that Earth's sky and space have the same properties and physics, or thinks that we are dumb enough to think that. Either way, he insults the viewer's intelligence.

Again, this scene was made for the stupid and brainless. Lucas obviously has low respect for your intelligence. Either that, or he has low intelligence himself or cheesy taste. I guess when Lucas wants something out of the way, whether it be a Galactic Empire or a flagship the size of ten Star Destroyers, he will do it any way he can, even if it insults your intelligence or is super cheesy. That seems to be his pattern all right.

- When the Death Star's shields were down, and the Rebel fighters were flying through the tunnels toward the main reactor, none of the Imperial personnel contacted the Emperor to tell him to evacuate to his escape pod. Gee I guess they didn't really care about him. Wouldn't the Emperor leave his intercom on, in case his forces lost or the Death Star was in danger, so that he would be notified?

- In the Emperor's room on the Death Star, there is a bottomless pit next to it, so that he can be thrown into it at the end by Darth Vader. Gee how convenient. Do rulers and emperors like to sit near bottomless pits that they can be thrown into? Yeah right. That's way too contrived and cliched. Would a Roman Emperor sit near bottomless pits while giving out orders, so that someone who wants to assassinate him can simply throw him into it? Well, not in our world. But in the Star Wars universe, I guess they do. How bizarre.

- How could Luke endure the Emperor's lightning attack for so long, and then get up with normal strength afterward, yet Darth Vader only got hit with it for a few seconds while carrying the Emperor into the bottomless pit, and as a result, began dying right after?

- When the Death Star is about to be blown up, Luke takes Vader, his father, from the Emperor's room all the way to hangar bay to flee in a shuttle. Now, how did he get someone as big and heavy as Vader all that way? Did he drag him on the ground? If so, that would take a long time and they would not have escaped in time. Or did he carry him in his arms? If so, that would strain his arms and slow him down. Either way, why didn't any Imperials who saw him arrest or capture him?

- On Endor, when Luke asks Leia, "What do you remember about your mother? Your real mother?" Leia replies that her mother died when she was very young, and that all she remembered was that she was beautiful but sad. Yet in the prequels, Padme dies while giving childbirth to Luke and Leia, so how could Leia remember anything about her? That has been cited as a major plothole. But then again, what's new? Lucas is no master of logic. That's for sure. Rather, he seems to be a master of cheesiness. lol

Whew. I think this list is done for now. Sorry that was so long, but I hope you enjoyed reading this list of logic flaws, which you probably never thought about or realized while watching the Star Wars trilogy. Feel free to add any more if you like in the comment section below.

2 comments:

  1. mate i think it is you who has no logic, all of these statements are easily answered by ones own common sense.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mate i think it is you who has no logic, all of these statements are easily answered by ones own common sense.

    ReplyDelete

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