Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Biggest Culture Shock: Americans in Movies vs. Real Life

I've often wondered about something.

Why is it that on TV and in movies, Americans are so open, friendly, sociable, communicative, and easily invite you into their cliques, taking you out for fun and introducing you to others? They act so warm, emotional, full of life and feeling, and are easy to talk to and get involved with. And in romance/drama films of old (less so nowadays) people were so passionate and full of feeling in their eyes and expression, as though they were fully aware and conscious.

But in real life, Americans are generally uptight, closed, cliquish, paranoid, anti-social outside their clique, difficult to meet, don't talk to you unless its business related, and basically ignore you and expect you to mind your own business while they mind theirs. People are in a bubble and there is an "ice barrier" between strangers. They seem like zombies/automatons who are totally unaware and oblivious to others around them, as though they were not fully conscious. They are always in a rush to get through their daily routine. They seem totally uninterested and unconcerned with human connection. And if you are not like that too, you stick out like a sore thumb, like you are in a sort of Twilight Zone - in a different reality from everyone else!

Why is there such a HUGE difference that no one talks about?! It's so bizarre, like the Twilight Zone!

My friend and cultural advisor, a former US immigrant who speaks 10 languages, has been to over 30 countries and is an expert in cultural analyses, made the same observation in my forum when he described the biggest culture shock that immigrants face in America:

http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8855

"I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."

This is so blatantly obvious, yet no one talks about it. To do so would make you look like a loser, so no one dares to. It's like an "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. Either that, or people don't see it due to the cognitive dissonance of their programming.

There is also an unspoken social law that says that anywhere you go, you MUST say that people are very friendly and wonderful, or you say nothing at all. Or you can blame yourself. But you are NOT allowed to say that people are anti-social. That is a big taboo and No-No. Thus truth is censored no doubt.

For more taboo truths, insights and solutions visit http://www.happierabroad.com/

18 comments:

  1. Btw, when I was in college, I went to this university called Cal State Hayward in Hayward, CA. For the two years I was there, every day after school I'd spend about two hours trying to meet girls, with no results, simply cause I believed it was easy based on what the media, culture and TV shows portrayed.

    But in reality, everyone there minded their own business and expected me to do the same. They just went there for the classes and then left afterward. There was no desire for human connection at all. I was the only one seeking the fun and girls that I saw on TV. No one else was. Everyone else was all business. I went home deflated everyday after hoping that I'd run into some hot chick who would get involved with me like the characters do in sitcoms everyday. It was so depressing. I felt like a sore thumb there. It was very odd. What a waste of precious life, bumping my head into walls for nothing. It was the most shameful, pathetic and embarassing experience.

    Now I realize that I was deceived and that the cultural image of open outgoing friendly girls in America was a TOTAL LIE AND FARCE. That's an example of the danger that the fake facade in the US media and culture can delude you with.

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  2. You ever taught maybe you didn't get girl cause you don't have any game? I've seen your video dude and you come of as a total creeper, and whats up with you telling girls you love them every 5 minutes? women want a man with a backbone not a simp

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  3. Solo, that's pseudo BS confidence you're talking about. It doesn't work. I am flirty and romantic. That's just me.

    Confidence and game don't work unless you have other assets to back it up. Women are not attracted to confidence. They are attracted to the traits that give one confidence like looks, money, etc. Let me see you on video.

    I do not say "I love you" every five minutes. I say "you're very pretty" every five minutes. They like it. So why not? Feminine girls are flattered by that. What's your problem?

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  4. Wu I saw your videos you came off "needy" and "creepy" telling those chicks you loved them all the time when it's obvious they don't love you, then you spend $400 in shoes/coats on that one chick and God knows how much more money you have spend.

    Confidence and game does work I'm not a great looking guy, I'm average, I'm not rich by any means espeically since I lost my job. However I still get women, now more then I have ever have in my life!

    Confidence goes along way, this is why working out is important you feel good and healthy, right now I'm far from, however It hasn't stopped me from approaching what so ever

    The problem with saying to a girl "your very pretty" is your overvaluing her looks, what about her personality Wu? what value does the girl bring besides how hot she looks? that's the problem with guys like you. Your more worried about a woman's looks then substance! that's why you get played by these women cause you put the pussy on a pedestal, and they can smile you from a mile away!

    You wanna see my videos they can be viewed on here along with my field reports, I have no problem showing you that game works, We got Asian brothers as well and their successful with the Game

    http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php
    ^^my videos are there peace

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  5. Solo,
    You don't know Russia. It's not America. The vibe there is completely free flowing. It's an anything goes atmosphere, not the rigid USA where people are paranoid. It's a totally different matrix, much more natural for me to be myself. Couldn't you tell? Your perception must suck.

    Come read the posts in this thread. We've totally debunked the myth of confidence. There is no such thing as confidence. I have more self-esteem than you can ever imagine. The confidence thing has been hacked to death already. See the posts here where we explain it and the videos I posted about it.

    http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=9050

    Go there and read it. I don't want to repeat them all here. Go and learn something.

    Oh and you are a loser for hanging out in my hate site. I saw your posts in the guestbooks there. Only real losers go to a useless site like that.

    FYI, my flirting with Russian girls got me hundreds of dates. They enjoyed it. That's what counts. It doesn't matter if you didn't enjoy it.

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  6. It is a total myth that everyone hinges on confidence. No intelligent person believes that, only the gullible do.

    The fact is, confidence is based on what you have in reality. It has to be based on something real. If I'm better than you at basketball then I have a right to feel confident that I will win. But if you are way better than me, then my confidence won't matter.

    Women only like confidence if it comes with looks, height and money, which justifies the confidence. If a short ugly guy has confidence, he will appear delusional. It will not make a difference.

    That is the reality. You must be from California to believe such deluded things.

    We have hacked the confidence issue to death in the forum and completely debunk it. See here:

    http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=9050

    Please read and learn something.

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  7. Confidence isn't about what you have but belive in yourself and ablities, I think you need to look up the definition cause it's obvious you don't know it. YOu obviously are brainwashed into thinking that confidence comes from looks/money and height, this is delusional and what an insecure person i.e. unconfident person thinks. If it isn't for self-confidence in myself then I might as well put a bullet in my brain. I know a guy whose Asian, not rich and short and he gets hotter girls then I do all because he is confident in himself and very charismatic! The 1980 U.S.A Hockey team wasn't even suppose to medal but guess what Winston they won gold!! Buster Douglas wasn't considered a thereat to beat Mike Tyson but he beat him! The New England Patriots in 2008 who went 18-0 (with playoffs included) were favored by 12.5 points to be the New York Giants, and guess what they lost!

    My point I'm trying to make is, if you take care of yourself you don't have to be the best looking guy but work out, and stay in decent shape, be a man of interest and personality, and also have a passion for something positive in life it's not hard to meet women at all.

    The reason why you don't understand were I'm coming from is because your the guy you project yourself to be, short, ugly an delusional. If confidence didn't work, I wouldn't have had a 3-some with two beautiful women when I weighed 240 pounds (both of the women were 110-130 range and beautiful, thanks to game) thanks to Game

    www.sosuave.net

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  8. Solo/Winston, I want to reverse the argument a bit.

    I'd say, be confident, improve one's career potential, esp if you're in sales or consulting. Yes, change one's day-to-day focus to earning money ala trading stocks (or properties if you're a risk taker), develop hobbies like music/dance (not video or board games) and then, women (regardless of their respective nationalities) will be attracted to you.

    If the above doesn't work, well, you'll have money (since that's the real pay off to self-confidence) to fly down to Rio and then, there won't really be an issue with chicks to begin with. Plus, you'll have the confidence to really make waves wherever you go.

    I've also stopped dating American women but it's not like that avenue isn't open to me. It's just that international women are more fun and more interesting in general.

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  9. Indeed. Know too many confident (really confident) poor people who come from poor families? Know alot of stuck up rich pricks who can get anything they want and have full confidence most problems are solved with money? Yep. Anyone can sneak into a formal party and wear a suit and be confident. But even if you know classic dance, music, and are versed in intelligent conversation and have a keen economic mind it won't matter at all, and that prized pussy, which is a bitch of one at best, will pass you up for a harvard student. ANY DAMN day. So if you have full faith in this infantile "game" mentality, prove it. Go to a fancy dinner party where you know the JONES' will be at. Compete with them. See how well confidence wins the 'not as charming or educated as my 5 Russian penpals who all want to meet me' bitches. I'll swallow a whole light bulb without breaking it before you pull off what you claim you can. Peace gameboy. Life isn't part of the "game" a "games" are a part of life.

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  10. "But even if you know classic dance, music, and are versed in intelligent conversation and have a keen economic mind it won't matter at all, and that prized pussy, which is a bitch of one at best, will pass you up for a harvard student."

    Sounds like the Seven Sister college (plus Sarah Lawrence) types. Question here is why would anyone want them? Realize, someday, they'll be divorcing those pedigreed Hedge Fund managers in the Hamptons and be taking them to the cleaners. I've dated two of them & got the runaround from others and will never do that again. Clearly, they have eyes on bankers and only tolerate middle class guys for short term stints.

    I say, be business smart & confident; keep one's eyes on { fill-in-your-spot locale like Rio De Janeiro as oppose to NYC/LA/Boston }, and use your confidence to make money like cutting the deals which get you the big bonuses and promotion. Then use that money to have some fun abroad if the Yankee b*tches give you that Seven sisters routine. Realize that you don't need them. If you fully believe that they are b*tches and that you really don't need them, then they'll start to be attracted to you. But your lack of interest in 'em needs to be authentic, not an act.

    You are right about one thing... you will be burned by 'em in the end so realize that it isn't worth your time, esp in renting that Porsche & suite at Saratoga Springs for the weekend. With that money, you're better off at a Nevada ranch for a retreat. BTW, my bottomline has gone up since I'd stopped dating American women.


    Anon 5:15 PM

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  11. It's best to avoid American women like the plague! The best route to go is visit foreign countries and date women from those countries.

    America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world! Just say "no" to American women!

    As far as having "confidence" that's a good thing to have but I have seen guys who are very confident strike out with women here in the USA. One guy asked out 10 women in one night and didn't even get one phone number! He went out the next night and finally got one number after he approached 10 more girls.

    Here in America you can only meet women at bars and clubs. I have seen guys approach women at bookstores and grocery stores and they were brutally rejected by women. Bars and night clubs suck but that's the only avenue you have to meet women here in the USA.

    That's why foreign countries are better, you can approach women at bookstores and grocery stores and the women welcome it. I can't wait until I go to Brazil!

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  12. Solo, you are a tool.

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  13. "I have seen guys approach women at bookstores and grocery stores and they were brutally rejected by women"

    Here's what's worse ... it's when you actually get a Yankee gal from one of these "book readings" and she turns out to be a nut job. I've been there, done that, & got the t-shirt. Believe me, it's better to be rejected; at least your bank account/credit rating is safe.

    "Solo, you are a tool"

    Solo's a classic brainwashed, rose-colored *women are divinity* type of guy. I'd met women, in the same vein as Solo had recommended, and if I could do do it over again, I would have spent those years becoming fluent in Portuguese, French, Chinese, or Russian and become an International consultant.

    Confidence is for you and your career success. And having so-called game is good, since that's essentially how the public got duped by subprime loans being sold as triple AAA securities. (*Hint: Read confidence man ala Conn-ed)

    Let the castrating b*tches find their own way. In the end, many of them will become lesbians and settle down with a gal pal. Others will be taking their men to the cleaners.

    Anon 5:15 PM

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  14. Your cultural advisor is totally right about the biggest culture shock for immigrants in the US. I feel this way. Totally!

    "I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Solo, your "forum" is just a re-hash of Oprah - giving the (US) women all the power, while the (US) men are wounded little puppy dogs - e.g. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=166917 "1. "Sooo, what are we?"
    NEVER ask for exclusivity or fish for her feelings on the issue. If you have been dating for a good while (at least a dozen dates) and you still arent certain of where you two stand, it may be time to re-evaluate your interest in her or accept the reality of her interest deficit. If a woman is truly interested in you she will be the one to bring up the exclusive talk, in one way or another. It may not be direct, but if you listen to the cues you'll know."

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  16. All I can do is laugh at all the comments I read. Granted that migrating to the U.S. definitley is a the biggest culture shock to one that expects what he sees on t.v. or in the movies, but I think Americans are the only ones that know t.v. is fake and things happen only in the movies. we know the difference between the real world and the big screen. And about the American women, well... I agree to an extent but. If you have good looks, confidence will take you along way. if you have good looks and money, it will take you all the way. if you have money and you are not a good looking guy, you have about the same chance that a financialy modest good looking guy has. I am not rich, I am a college student, I am not bad looking and I have confidence and portray it. When I am on campus and speak to girls i get very good responses. I speak to girls with respect and I do not make them feel uncomfortable. Girls want to know the guy first before they respond to being hit on.

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  17. If I'm a tool that I believe in myself so be it. There women who hate me at my new job, you guys wanna know why? cause I'm to "cocky" *gasps* my confidence has been took as being to cocky. I could be like one of you guys and try to be accommodating and humble however I choose to hold my head high in confidence and get labeled 'cocky'

    I'm not saying American women are the best, I don't know were you guys live, but working out, improving your self and being a man of high social value never has disappointed. Instead of blaming women maybe you need to start looking at yourself.

    Just a thought

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  18. I see this junk all the time here in small town's.
    people are used to other trash people and then if you come in, and your nice,
    and have manner;s or are knowlegable about thing's they cant handle it,
    or run like rabbit's.
    I see french people that are totally cool and mexican people that are really nice to be with and they care alot more about people than american's,
    All my life all there was was this arrogant or snob atityde or like if your in the so called upbeat, or in the know thing that's really nothing in the first place.
    Im so busy or im talking to other's and dont even act like your there when you THINK YOU KNOW THEM
    THEY'D RATHER TALK TO BELOW PAR PEOPLE THAT DONT CARE AS THIER COMFY WITH THEM.
    Id totally call them cocky,and materilistic.
    and spoiled brat's.
    im sitting at a table and one's i know will sit somewhere else and then act like they dont even know you and then you wanna do something with them and they are all paranoid.
    Ohh i gott work or well gotta go, or some lame exccuse like that
    or even in church thiell not acct like they know you and will hang out with trash,
    Imjust about to say to heck with everyone and say for get them.
    I go over to this guy's house 3 time's we give them thing's they never had before do they acknowlege us not too much.they wont call us and then when i see the hubby?
    he greet's me but then I think he's gonna wanna talk or see how wheve been he goes to some guy that dont care about anything and then look's at me like it's nothing after i consider him a good friend,
    I say screw this crap and i dont need friends if thier gonna be like cliqish or run off.
    I know one girl here in town and a lady here in town, but the girl is 17 and the older woman is 64, both are nice both care alot,

    ReplyDelete

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