Thursday, August 4, 2016

PUA: Truths and Tips about Cold Approaching Girls Abroad

Below: Photos of me, Winston Wu, approaching girls in Thailand out in public, and getting some instant dates from it too. :)

I've been cold approaching girls since 2002, so I've done it many thousands of times. You can ask many of my friends about it. They've seen me in action many times. I've gotten some dates and girlfriends from it too. Here's what I've learned about it from my experience that I want to share with you. Here are some observations and tips.

First the observations.

1) Most guys are not comfortable doing cold approach. We are not raised by society to do that kind of thing. It's considered predatory and abnormal by western society. So most guys don't have the guts for it. You have to have good social skills and talking skills and have worked in sales/marketing type jobs to be comfortable with cold approach. Or have a lot of experience with it. It's not something that comes easily. You also gotta be an open minded type to enjoy talking to strangers easily too.

2) You also have to be in a positive mood to do it. If you are thinking negative thoughts or not in a great mood, you may not feel the energy or motivation to do it. It takes a certain type of mood. Plus you always have to deal with approach anxiety, no matter how experienced you are, because each new girl you approach represents "the great unknown" so even if you're experienced and used to it, there's always gonna be approach anxiety. Even experienced actors report feeling stage anxiety each time they go on stage to do a performance.

3) Even if you are good at cold approaching, most of the girls you meet are just going to become casual acquaintances or flake out. That's how life is. Most people you meet in general do not become close friends or lovers or intimate partners. It's a numbers game where you will hit it off or succeed with only a small percentage. Therefore, you gotta be very PROACTIVE and do it a lot and take advantage of every opportunity before it's missed, and not be afraid of failure or rejection.

Now some tips and suggestions:

4) One thing I find that helps ease the tension and stress of cold approach is if you treat it as a joke and act playful about it. Kind of like how a comedian acts when he or she is telling a joke on stage. He creates a lighthearted mood and acts playful, like a kid having fun. If you do that, it makes it far less stressful and takes the anxiety off, for you and the girl you're approaching. It also makes the girls feel more at ease, since you are acting kind of funny and close to making them laugh -- whether at you or with you, either way it helps. Even if you're not a good comedian or good at telling jokes or making them laugh, at least act like you are having fun. That way it will rub off on them and make them feel better and more comfortable about meeting you and talking to you, thus allowing you to work your charm. This way the atmosphere doesn't feel as serious, so they are less likely to be uptight about it.

5) If you feel approach anxiety or don't know what to say when you approach, just ask her a simple innocent question, such as "How do I get to this place or landmark?", "Where is the nearest subway station?", "Where are we on this map?" (while showing her your map), etc. Then from there, after she answers your question, try to hold the conversation longer. If she's interested, she will continue talking to you and maybe start asking you questions too, such "Where are you from?" and will be more proactive with the conversation. If not, she will be in a hurry to leave. You just gotta watch her body language. If she seems interested, just ask a few more questions, preferably open ended ones. Try to make her comfortable and establish a familiarity. Make her laugh and tease her a little, put her down in funny lighthearted ways. See if she will join you for a drink so you can continue kinoing with her. If she is too busy and can't, then try to get her number or chat app info (e.g. WeChat, WhatsApp, Viber or Facebook), or email at the very least. If she is interested, she will reciprocate and make all this a lot easier for you.

6) When talking to her, try not to treat her as a sex object. Otherwise, she could get bad vibes from you. Instead, try to treat her like an interesting person you would like to get to know. That will give her good vibes from you, so that she will feel more comfortable with you. Especially if you make her laugh, joke with her, tease her, etc. It all takes practice of course. You gotta treat each try as a fun learning experience, even if it goes nowhere. Don't take any rejection or disinterest personally. See it as a video game, where if you lose, it's just "a game" and you can start over again next time, just as you would with any game. That way you don't take it too seriously and don't take it personally if you don't win.

So overall, cold approaching is hard work. Not easy. It can be fun, but it involves a lot of approach anxiety too. It also involves skills and is for certain personality types, particularly those who are good in sales/marketing/public relations type of jobs. Also you gotta be open minded to talk to strangers easily. Not everyone can do that. You can get results with it. But you gotta be proactive and doing it a lot or regularly to get results. It's something you gotta work at, because it goes against how we are raised in society. We are not raised by society to cold approach women or try to pick up girls. That's something outside the normal system that one has to work at and develop constantly. But each time you do it, it does get easier the next time, that's the good news. And if you act playful and lighthearted about it, as though you're having fun and not so serious, it will help, because it will rub off on them and put them at ease. Finally, you also have to LOVE cold approaching girls and really ENJOY it, otherwise you will not have the motivation to do it.

Discuss this topic in the HA forum.