Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Why America is bad for Dating, Social Connection and Mental Health

Why America is bad for Social Life, Dating and Mental Health

Note: This is an expansion of my one page Pamphlet and home page intro, which I am writing as a script for a YouTube video I'm working on.

Video script: Three Taboo Truths in America and the Overseas Solution to them

Hello, my name is Winston Wu, founder of HappierAbroad.com, the most truthful and unique expat dating site on the web.

Today I'm going to be talking about 3 taboo truths in America that you aren't supposed to talk about, and the Overseas Solution to them.

But since they affect many people, I feel that they should be addressed, rather than ignored or denied.

So let's begin.

1) There is no sense of human connection in America.

- Every man is an island. There's no feeling of connection with others. Instead, there is a psychological wall around people that you can sense and feel. There's a definite “ice barrier” between strangers, hence we have the term "breaking the ice". This is something that's very obvious. You can see it everywhere out in public. Yet no one dares call attention to it for some reason.

And it's not about who you are either. Even if you're attractive and have a lot of friends, as a third person you can still see that this is the way things are between people out in public.

- People are socially engineered to be anti-social, segregated and paranoid of each other. Most don't even know their neighbors. Thus they are difficult to truly connect with. One feels alone even in crowded places. People are generally uptight and feel awkward and uncomfortable about meeting others.

- Groups are generally non-inclusive. You can see this when you go out in public. People generally only socialize within the group they're with. You see, in America, you can't just "go out and meet people". It doesn't work that way, despite what you see on TV and in the movies. So if you go out alone, you usually stay alone.

- Greetings are polite and superficial. People will ask "How are you" when they don't really care how you are, yet they will always expect you to say that you're "great" or "fine".

2) The dating scene is a total nightmare for men.

Now this is a very taboo area in particular because there is an unspoken rule in America that says anytime you publicly compare men and women, you MUST ALWAYS put the women in the better light. In other words, the women have to always come out on top. This is an unofficial rule that everyone knows. It goes without saying. Comedians, performers, public speakers and authors all abide by it usually.

However, I am not here to be politically correct, so let’s cut the bull and just go to the truth:

- In America, women generally despise men and see them as fools, creeps and predators. Their culture, media and peers all condition them this way. You can see this in day time talk shows and glamour magazines. Now how good can a dating environment be if one gender hates the other? How healthy can such a relationship dynamic be? I mean, get real.

- Females are not feminine or sweet. You can see this in their looks, personality, demeanor and dress style. They don't even giggle or blush. And they're not even sweet, but tough and unfeeling.

- Worst of all, they seem to have this strong psychological resistance to intimate relationships with males. You can sense this in their attitudes and interactions with males. Often when they start getting close or intimate, they suddenly back off and drop things cold.

- They also blow off men who are interested in them as though it were a routine and expected maneuver. This is indicative that male/female relationships and dating are not natural in US society, as if you are not even supposed to pursue them.

- The women are often unapproachable, defensive and paranoid, so they are not even easy to meet. Men do not feel comfortable or natural trying to meet them. Hence few guys have the guts to approach attractive females, not cause they lack courage, but because the females carry a vibe that they don’t want to be approached.

- They also have an off-chart sense of entitlement, and seem to think that they deserve the best of the best in everything, as if they were some kind of royalty. No man likes that. It's unfeminine and unsweet. And it puts unrealistic demands and expectations on the men.

Yet these "entitlement queens" do not think that they need to treat men good in return. It's a complete one way double standard. But you aren't allowed to complain about it lest you be called a sexist or chauvinist.

- In fact the whole male/female dynamic is totally out of whack, in more ways than I can describe. Male/Female energies and behaviors do not complement each other at all, but are dysfunctional, conflicting and totally out of balance and harmony. This is obvious to any honest observant person.

- Men do not feel wanted or needed, and that's a bad thing which affects their self-esteem. Who wants to feel unwanted and unneeded?

Also, a man's niceness is not rewarded, but spat upon. You might have heard the term "Nice guys finish last"? Well nowhere is that more true than in America's dating scene. You get nothing for being nice to women. No points or rewards. It does not count at all in US dating.

Now if you ask me, any society that looks down upon niceness is one Fucked up dysfunctional mess. No question about it.

- There are more lonely frustrated dateless guys in America then in any other country. That’s why the whole PUA industry is primarily based in the US. And that says a lot right there.

3) The artificial culture erodes your self-worth and sanity.

- You are conditioned to feel insecure and unworthy, to keep you weak and easy to control, through a series of subtle subliminal messages. You are definitely are not conditioned to feel whole and complete in America. For some reason, everyone feels inadequate... like they're not good enough.

Of course, if you were whole and complete, you couldn't be controlled or manipulated. So they try to manufacture an emptiness inside of you.

- You are taught to fill this emptiness by living to work and consuming endless junk you don’t need. That's why the model citizen in America is a workaholic and you are taught that "you are what you do".

They perpetuate this myth that making money and buying endless junk will make you happy, which is false. As Wayne Dyer said, "There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way."

But in truth, the key to happiness is not in your productivity and wealth. It's in your outlook and attitude, quality of relationships, and having healthy balances, just enough, in the areas of life that are most important to you.

- The social culture is like a mask of fakeness that you can never really “be yourself” in. You're expected to always act happy like everything is great. That's why when you go to work, people ask "How are you?" and you always have to answer "Fine" or "Not bad", even if you're feeling like shit. It's very unnatural and fake.

In such an environment, how can you ever be your true self, or even know your true self?

- Many develop phony or unnatural personalities to compensate for their inferiority complexes. You can see this in a lot of people in America. I'm sure you all know someone who brags, exaggerates or makes up stories about their lives to impress others. Or people who act phony and are not sincere or down to earth. Deep down they have a wound that they are trying to cover, and develop all these complexes as a band aid. It's very sad.

This is especially true with minorities. If you look at black people in America for instance, and compare them with black people in England, you will notice a big difference. The blacks in the UK seem far more well adjusted and whole, like they are part of the mainstream, whereas blacks in the US seem to suffer from an inferiority complex (through no fault of their own).

Such a difference is very noticeable, one of many in fact, but of course you will NEVER hear about it in the media or any large scale magazine. It's way too TABOO to mention.

- These aspects of the artificial American culture is very undermining to one’s psychological balance and wholeness. In other words, it's detrimental to your mental health.

Implications and Solutions:

These three dysfunctional conditions culminate to make America one of the WORST, if not the worst, countries for Social Life, Dating and Mental Health, and explain why it has the HIGHEST rates of mental illness and loneliness in the industrialized world (look it up or see the stats on my site).

Yet US society is in denial about all this. These realities are unacknowledged, and it is taboo to mention them (especially # 2) lest you be perceived as a “loser”. Instead, you are expected to always maintain the façade that “everything is great” and if you have a problem you are expected to blame or improve yourself.

But the truth is that the problem does not lie in the victims, but in the dysfunctional society itself, evidenced by the fact that for many sufferers, these problems alleviate once they are in different cultures, which I demonstrate on my website.

You see, many mainstream people do not see the truth the way it actually is. They filter everything through what I call "politically correct lenses" which are designed to focus only on nice and simple practical things. That's why they can't mentally recognize anything negative about other people, cultures or society, even the most obvious things. It's not that such negative aspects don't exist. Of course they do. But people are conditioned to not generalize or stereotype negative attributes to others, even if they're true. This applies to many in the world, not just in America.

That's why many in the mainstream are not able to mentally recognize the obvious truths above. Their "politically correct lenses", which only focus on positive and practical things, filter them out.

Now there is nothing wrong with being polite and not wanting to offend others. That's part of our social conditioning and is usually a good thing. But if it ends up filtering out the truth from your world view, especially when it comes to acknowledging serious problems, then it may not be such a good thing after all.

Plus most people are not that perceptive when it comes to other people, relationships, culture and psychology. They are not accustomed to analyzing such things, and lack the depth and insight to make assessments in those areas. Instead they are trained by society to focus and deal with practical issues, like food, money, physical objects and structures. So their common sense is primarily in pragmatic areas.

Another factor is that those who do recognize these obvious truths are afraid to mention them openly because it makes them look like maladjusted losers, and plus they know that the politically correct mainstream will mentally resist these truths too. They know this instinctually.

Nevertheless, you can take solace at least, in that NONE of it is your fault. As the great Indian sage Jiddu Krishnamurti stated, "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

So the next question is: What can we do about all this?

Well we can expose it publicly, like I'm doing now. But what else can we do about it? Can I just go out and change the whole fabric of American society? Of course not.

BUT I can tell people that there's a SOLUTION to all this!

And that solution is: You can simply go abroad to other cultures and environments where these conditions are better or reversed.

However, such an idea strongly goes against our conventional wisdom and paradigm.

You see, when you have a problem, you are taught to stay put and try to solve it, cope with it, or improve on it. Running away is seen as escapist and cowardly. So we all first ask ourselves, "How can I fix my situation so that it will be better? What improvements can I make?" When you go to a therapist for instance, they're gonna suggest you to learn coping skills rather than tell you to go somewhere else where things are better. That's our "mental prism" so to speak, and few can think outside the box.

And that's fine. But you gotta look at the scope of what you're up against. For example, if you were standing on a sinking ship or in the path of an oncoming freight train, would you stay put and tough it out, or would it be more sensible to escape from it?

In this case, the individual can't change the dysfunctional US culture and society. It would be like an ant trying to move a hill. Why continue to play a losing game with a losing hand?

Plus there is no real solution, not even from the PUA or self-help movements, that any average person can simply take and consistently and reliably turn around his Dating, Social Life and Mental Health with guaranteed results. None.

You see, in order to validly claim that something WORKS, it has to WORK for any average person reliably and consistently, not just for a few or a minority. Otherwise, it doesn't work. Simple as that. I mean, if a computer program only worked 10 percent of the time, would you say that it "works"? Would you sell it or promote it?

Yet NONE of the remedies and techniques of any of the PUA or self-help movements out there fulfills this criteria.

But the overseas solution DOES!

You see, every male expat living overseas who has dated there is of the unanimous opinion that his relationships, social life and mental health are far better than they were in America (or Canada or the UK). Even though everyone is different with varying opinions, on that they are unanimous on. What does that tell you?

Obviously, this means that ANY average Joe (with no a-hole personality or mental problems) can turn their life around using this path as their solution. Thus it REALLY WORKS.

But you don't usually hear about it cause it's taboo and goes against the grain. Well now you have.

So, why does the overseas solution work? Because in most foreign countries, the taboo truths above are the exact OPPOSITE:

1) There is a natural sense of social connectedness.

- The social environment is more open and inclusive. It is easy and natural to meet and connect with others. There is an instant familiarity between strangers rather than an ice barrier. People do not have a "keep out" wall or vibe around them.

So even when you go out alone, you can meet others. It feels natural and part of the flow. You don't need any artificial "social skills or techniques". You can just be your pro-social open self and it happens.

- With a feeling of natural connectedness, you do not feel alone even when you are physically alone.

- Friendships and bonds are truer. A spirit of camaraderie exists between people that you don’t find in America. You can see it between friends and in the communal environment.

2) Relationships are wholesome and dating happens naturally.

- Women are generally feminine, sweet and modest. They dress, look and act feminine. Girls giggle and blush, like real girls do.

-bThey are more approachable and easier to meet. Compliments flatter them and do not creep them out. They are enthusiastic about dating.

- Females do not have any psychological block or resistance toward relationships with males, but seek it and dream of it. Deep down, they respect and need men, providing love, companionship and support.

- The men feel wanted and needed. Their niceness is rewarded and it wins actual points too.

3) You feel accepted, whole and good about yourself.

- The "real you" is allowed to flourish with a natural sense of wholeness and oneness, both inner and outer, which leads to a healthy psychological balance.

- People like you just for you and accept you that way. You do not need to act “fake” or develop inferiority complexes. People are far less artificial.

- When you have problems, friends will listen and care. You do not need to go to a therapist.

Implications and Conclusions:

Now isn't that the way it should be?

So the obvious question now is: Which of the two social environments described above - America vs. Overseas - would YOU be happier in?

Enough said.

Yet most Americans never hear about these comparisons, for it goes against their indoctrination that America is the greatest in all things and that everywhere else can only be worse. And those in the know have to be careful not to be too open about these truths due to their taboo and politically incorrect nature.

So these comparisons are never acknowledged publicly.

And that's what we are here for, to disseminate this life-changing information to those in need (since no one else will).

You see, I know that once you go abroad and experience all this, your life will be changed forever!

The voluminous material at my website demonstrate and prove all this conclusively, with an abundance of testimonials, photos, videos, articles, ebooks, guidance and an online community.

The Happier Abroad movement has changed lives and inspired others, providing hope, validation and a Proven Solution that has led people like you to Love, Social Connectedness and Personal Fulfillment overseas, thus becoming “Happier Abroad".

So visit www.HappierAbroad.com today! And if you have any questions, post them on my Forum.

Thanks for watching.

Discuss this article in this forum thread: http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7052

Update! My video lecture based on this script is now available to watch at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qAJhuocKeg

4 comments:

  1. Very well said, the social conditions in America are a joke! If your a man, the only way to meet women is through your friends. No wonnder why it's hard to get a date with a woman in the USA.

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  2. The American culture makes it VERY difficult to meet people. If your a man, it's almost impossible to meet women in the US. You really have to rely on your friends to introduce you to someone or try to meet women at bars and clubs.

    No wonder why so many men are going overseas to meet women, meeting women in the US is a losing proposition!

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  3. One common thread I've always noticed about the expat pat American (or the anti-American American)... they are all wealthy. None of them ever moved to a country without a penny in their pockets the same way their grandparents came to the US. The expat American also is under the impression only bad things happen in the US, and that the rest of the world is some kind of theme park for their pleasure. In other words, the expat American (or the anti-American American) is the epitome of the "ugly American." BTW, I'm originally from the UK and now living in the US.

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  4. PS, the indoctrination isn't that Americans think the US is the world's greatest nation, the indoctrination is the aristocratic snob American who thinks the US is the world's worst nation. I always laugh when people like you insist the US has no culture. Every time one of you say that, you insult every minority on earth, especially African Americans.

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