Am I a loser? What's the alternative to going abroad?

First off, am I a loser? Are all the fans of my site losers?

Well it depends on your standards and definitions, and if you even use that word at all. To the standards of the general mainstream American mentality and pop culture, probably yes. Let's see, someone who can't get girls in their own country and has to go abroad to do so, yeah I think that spells "loser" to a lot of people.

So I guess that means that to a large segment of the US population, we are considered losers. But rather than deny it or hide from it, I'd rather face that fact and confront it.

Ok, so I'm a loser, but so what? Should I kill myself? Or try to make the best of it? I think any kind decent person would say the latter. But isn't that what I've done?

Besides, it's NOT my fault that I'm a loser in America. I did NOT choose to be branded as "undesirable, unattractive, unwanted, not dating material, not good enough for girls, not anyone's type" etc. Those labels and statuses were GIVEN and ASSIGNED to me automatically by default. Right when I reached dating age, I was considered unwanted and a joke. Thus, it's obviously NOT my fault. So why should I suffer for something that's not my fault? Isn't that unjust?

And no, my attitude had nothing to do with it. That's the pseudo-American pop psych talk that does nothing. The thing is, when you've met 10,000 girls and all of them tell you that you're not their type, you sort of get the idea that your undesirability branding and status are real and not imagined. (and I'll bet you anything that if those who call me a loser were not anyone's type as well, they wouldn't like it either) Click here to view the ten reasons I was forced to go abroad by the dating scene in America.

Yet I NEED to be desirable to hot girls and be able to have them, to be happy. Hence an irreconcilable dilemma.

Thus, the abroad path was the best and most realistic solution for this dilemma, even if it is considered a "loser path" to the mainstream American mind. At least it WORKS! I get what I want and I am happy, and that's the bottom line.

Now look at the alternative - staying in the US and following the standard pseudo-advice commonly given to the dateless: 1) Work on yourself, and 2) Get involved in activities and clubs.

Where do you think this would get me? Let's see, I work on myself for a few years, and enhance my desirability a bit. Then maybe ONCE every few YEARS, I'll find someone who wants to date me, and if I'm lucky she might even be somewhat cute or attractive. But that's ONCE every few YEARS! (which was my dating record in the US already) Plus, there's no telling how long it will even last when it comes either (my last American girlfriend lasted only 5 weeks!). Now does that spell wide pool of CHOICES to you? I think not! Life is too short for that. On the other hand, look at my wide assortment of dating choices overseas in my collage (http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm). I think that says it all. Anyone would rather have lots of choices constantly present, then just ONE choice every few years, or none at all! Get real.

And besides, even if you did "work" on yourself and became a great guy with wonderful qualities and a lot to offer, so what? If you're not a woman's type in America, and hence not desirable, then all you will get is a pat on the back from women and be told, "Congratulations. You have many great qualities and a lot to offer. I'm sure you'll be a good catch to the right woman someday." What's that going to get you?! Rather than wait years (or never) for "someone" who finally appreciates me, I'd rather be DESIRABLE to women in general, so that I have CHOICES anytime I want, including NOW! And in some foreign countries where the factors are in my favor, I have just that. Life is too short, so why wait years or never?!

As to number two, been there, done that. Sure I can join activities and clubs to meet girls, or take classes popular with girls (cooking, yoga, swing dancing) or just simply going to places where the girls are. Anyone can do that. But look at reality here. Meeting lots of girls you like isn't going to get you any dates if you're not their type. They're still gonna blow you off if you show interest. All that will come of it are polite conversations, but nothing more. And if you try to make something more out of it, they blow you off or refuse politely, saying that they have a boyfriend or that they prefer to have time to themselves. So sure, you can meet lots of girls in America, there are places and activities for that, but if you aren't their type, which I never am, then you'll only be left with disappointment, a huge let down, and blow to your ego. You will be left wondering,

"What's wrong with me? Why am I not dating material? Why did those girls say they would rather be alone then hang out with me?"

But let's be honest here. How many dateless people do you know who turned their dating life around by simply 1) Working on themselves and 2) Joining clubs and activities? Virtually nobody right? So as you can see, this advice is simply worthless.

Well f@#$ that. Why deal with that when there's "dating paradise" overseas?! Life is too short to waste. You gotta make the best of it NOW!

I mean, look at me and the difference in my life, which is beyond imagination. In the US I was perpetually dateless, and every single girl I liked blew me off. It was totally hopeless, literally, despite the fact that I tried everything you can imagine. But look at me here now that I'm overseas. I sleep with model type girls easily and naturally, with the flow. I feel like James Bond! I feel desirable and wanted. And I can live my fantasies with beautiful women whenever I want, because models are not out of my league here. What more could I want? So you see, who cares if I'm a loser by mainstream people's standards, especially when those segments of society are hate-driven and brainwashed by their wicked media?! Wouldn't I be a bigger loser if I had stayed in my unhappy, loveless, sexless, hopeless situation in the US?

In the end, you gotta ask yourself this. Would you rather forever endure constant rejection from women, such as this fan from my forum received in this letter:

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=4381&start=10

"Paul, i have to tell you something. I have met someone and he is fast becoming a very important man in my life. I am having feelings toward him that I haven't felt in a long time and I want to see where this is going to lead. He has made me realize that there is life inside me that I can feel again, that I am a woman as well as a mother and my needs are important too. It was nice meeting you but I don't think that I want to persue anything more than friendship with you as I have some very strong feelings toward this other man. I would prefer not to correspond with you and would like it if you don't call me anymore, I don't have feelings toward you in that way. Your daughter is beautiful and you need to make her the focus of your life, never let her want for anything. It was nice knowing you, Jodi"

Or, would you rather live like this: http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage2.htm

I rest my case.

Winston

PS - Here's a brilliant response and analysis to this from my forum.

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=4378&start=10

"The short man did not choose to be short. He did not choose to be, in Winston's words, "undesirable, unattractive, unwanted, and not dating material". "These labels and statuses were given and assigned automatically by default". Compared to taller and more appealing males, the shorter male must work harder to improve his sexual market value, to move up from the "undesirable" to the "will consider" category, while very few will make it to the "preferred' category (Tom Cruise?).

People don't like Winston (and others who went overseas) because he revolted against the established social structure and went abroad where his sexual market value is automatically higher. In Angeles city, a single American male is probably in the "preferred" category. He doesn't have to climb up in the same way as his counterpart in the US.

This upsets people who are firmly established in the meritocracy mindset, who thinks he took a short-cut. But the birth or gene lottery is not meritocracy, some people are born with a silver spoon and others are born into crushing poverty. The American meritocracy mindset is also hypocritical in its worship and granting of exceptions to the rich and famous. There's a double standard where a joe average male with a pretty wife from abroad is looked down as "mail order bride" loser, versus Hugh Hefner can have many pretty young GF's and be glamorous. Whos' to say that the average joe with a pinay wife isn't a better family man with strong traditional/conservative values, verus Hugh Hefner's playboy lifestyle?"

What scientists and magicians said about Uri Geller that prove James Randi wrong

These quotes are very impressive indeed.

To see a long list of quotes from REAL scientists who tested Geller and testify that he is for real, see here:

http://www.uri-geller.com/uri-biography/uribiog3.htm

So you see, Randi's claim on "This Morning" that no scientist considers Uri Geller to be psychic was flat out wrong. The evidence in these quotes is overwhelming and impressive.

And to see what magicians have said about Uri Geller, see here:

http://www.uri-geller.com/uri-biography/uribiog4.htm

So you see, Randi's claim in his Town Meeting speech that no magicians consider Geller to be real, was false again.

In this video, psychic spoon bender Uri Geller performs successfully under controlled conditions at the Stanford Research Institute (SRI), conducted by scientists Hal Puthoff and Russell Targ back in 1973.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzKiODWx1gc

The results were published in Nature, the most highly accredited scientific journal, which concluded that Uri Geller did in fact pass controlled psychic tests that were double blinded.

You can see a copy of the report in Nature yourself here:

http://newsite.uri-geller.com/remote_perception_at_stanford_research_institute

Here is what the scientists at SRI told the public media about the Geller experiments:

"We have observed certain phenomena with the subjects [including Geller] for which we have no scientific explanation. "
"As a result of Geller's success in this experimental period, we consider that he has demonstrated his paranormal, perceptual ability in a convincing and unambiguous manner."(The results of these experiments were published in the respected British journal Nature,Vol. 251, No. 5).
Dr Harold Puthoff and Russell Targ (Stanford Research Institute - California, U.S.A.)

"Laser physicists Russell Targ and Harold Puthoff of Menlo Park's Stanford Research Institute admit their kind of research invites chicanery and trickery. They have taken special precautions, they said, to conduct the Stanford Research experiments under doubly strict laboratory conditions."
"Under these conditions, they said, no magician has beenable to duplicate through trickery the psychic feat performed by Geller and others. Some won't even try."
Los Angeles Times, Monday July 28, 1975

Remember folks, Puthoff and Targ were there and conducted the double blind controlled experiments. Randi wasn't, so he can only guess and remain in denial.

Regarding Randi, Puthoff himself told me this:

"Again, these claims of inadequate controls are generally just repeats of what Randi says. The truth of the matter is that none of Randi's claimed suspected inadequate controls actually had anything to do with the experiments, which of course Randi was not there to know of. This has been independently reported by Scott Rogo somewhere in the literature, who came out specifically to check each of Randi's guesses about inadequate controls and found them inapplicable under the conditions in which the tests were conducted. In fact, all of Randi's suggestions were amateurish compared to the sophisticated steps we took, suspecting as we did everything from magician's tricks to an Israeli intelligence scam."

See the words in bold below and the related quotes. Doesn't an electron microscope or metallurgy analysis constitute scientific proof to you of a psychic's powers?


" I tested Uri myself under laboratory-controlled conditions and saw with my own eyes the bending of a key which was not touched by Geller at any time. There was a group of people present during the experiment who all witnessed the key bending in eleven seconds to an angle of thirty degrees. Afterwards we tested the key in a scientific laboratory using devices such as electron microscopes and X-rays and found that there was no chemical, manual or mechanical forces involved in the bending of the key."
Professor Helmut Hoffmann (Department of Electrical Engineering, Technical University of Vienna, Austria)

"The Geller method of breaking is unlike anything described in the (metallurgical) literature, from fatigue fractures at-195 degrees to brittle fractures at +600 degrees C. Why is metal bending important? Simply because we do not understand it."
Prof. John Hasted (Professorof Physics Birkbeck College, University of London, England)

"The bends in metal objects (made by Geller) could not have been made by ordinary manual means."
Dr Albert Ducrocq (Telemetry Laboratory, Foch Hospital Suren, France)

"The evidence based on metallurgical analysis of fractured surfaces (produced by Geller) indicates that a paranormal influence must have been operative in the formation of the fractures."
Dr Wilbur Franklin (Physics Department, Kent State University - U.S.A.)

Check out what David Blaine and David Ben, two of the top magicians in the world and sleight of hand masters, and other magicians, have said about Uri Geller. It's quite impressive.

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"Uri bent a spoon for me, the first time he did it, I thought there must be a trick. The second time I was stunned, completely, completely stunnedand amazed. It just bent in my hand. I've never seen anything like it. It takes a lot to impress me. Uri Geller is for real and anyone who doesn't recognise that is either deluding himself, or is a very sad person."
David Blain, (American Magician. Star of ABC's Television Specials.)

--------------------------------

"I immediately pick up the spoon from the lectern and place it into my pocket so that no one can steal it before I have the opportunity to auction it off. I notice that it is now at a perfect 90-degree angle - a different physical appearance than what I recall seeing when he placed it gently down on the lectern. I secretly shake my head because it is now different and I did not see him do one thing that was suspicious, with speed, without grace or charm. It was flawless. I have no idea what he did. I now have the spoon at my home. It is perfect. I have seen many spoons bent by so called experts. Uri is in a league of his own. The curvature of the bend is beautiful - not forced. I have said to many people that the curvature reminds me of a single line drawn by Matisse. It is a work of art. You can tell that it was created by a master. Quite wonderful. I'm a fan. Now, I would like to add a few further comments. Although I am not an expert in the paranormal, I am an expert in sleight of hand. I would stack up my knowledge and ability in sleight of hand against anyone in the world. I do not believe that Geller used sleight of hand to bend the spoon. (I have seen most of the spoon bending experts created by the magic community and their work is not very elegant when compared with Geller.)"
David Ben Sleight of Hand Master
http://www.theconjuror.com/

--------------------------------

"As a magician, I believe that the tests we did (with Geller) could not be duplicated in any way by a magician's methods."
Abb Dickson (Professional magician - U.S.A. and President of the International Brotherhood of Magicians 1997-9
Abb Dickson has been named as a new director of the World Alliance of Magicians (WAM). Dickson who is a Past President of the International Brotherhood of Magicians wants WAM to help maintain the secrecy of magic and prevent exposure to the public.

--------------------------------

Drew McAdam
"I will say only this: I have seen Uri do things that, even as a mentalist and amateur conjuror of some 30 years, I cannot explain. I know how mind-magicians obtain the effects they do... I know the illusionist's mechanics of producing so-called psychic effects that look incredibly convincing to the layman. However, I can categorically say that Uri Geller uses none of these methods. Quite simply, the man is a phenomenon."

--------------------------------

"Many of the top Mentalists in the world have no idea how Uri Geller can make a compass needle move.

Since he does so in his bathing suit and has been checked over by ultra sensitive equipment for metal or magnetic radiation, he obviously is NOT using a hidden magnet to move the compass needle.

Since reliable sources (and knowledgeable magicians) have not only witnessed Geller make spoons bend but have witnessed them to continue moving long after Mr. Geller has left, I would challenge these so called protectors and magic geniuses to explain how he does it.

If they reply, "I don't know for sure" then they have no right to say that he is a fake."

--------------------------------

(Even David Copperfield is unsure about whether Uri Geller is real or not, contrary to Randi's claim that all reputable magicians think that Geller is a fraud.)

"You know, I like Uri Geller. He is a good guy. I think he made many things with his abilities. I think some of the things he shows are illusion. But I cannot claim for sure, that this applies to everything."

David Copperfield

Eloquent videos by my best friend Michael Goodspeed

Hi all,

One of my best friends, Michael Goodspeed, a fellow writer, freethinker and former radio show co-host, now has his own YouTube channel. Check it out and watch some of his videos. They will show you just how interesting he really is. He is the kind of person who when he speaks, your attention is captivated. With his voice, there is an energy that fills the room.

It grabs your attention whether you like it or not, even if you have ADD like me. lol Seriously. You can see why he's good on the radio. He has a captivating voice that is engaging, full of energy, meaningful, expressive, and completely truthful, sincere and open. And his points are eloquently made too.

You can see why we get along (even though he's not as crazy about girls as I am). Plus, you can see why he's a natural born writer. (Google his name "Michael Goodspeed" and hundreds of hits come up, since he's been writing articles for years on various topics) He crafts words very well like a professional speaker, using organized grammar and sentence structure, in an eloquent manner. You can tell he's a natural, and a true intellectual as well. You can tell that, like me, he is a deep natural thinker and truth-seeker. And you can see that a lot of focused thought has gone into each word he utters. And unlike me, he uses a far wider range of colorful vocabulary than I do.

His videos let you see all this for yourself. Whether you agree with him or not, one thing is certain - He makes many valid points that are very insightful and refreshingly honest.

Plus he has created some great slideshow presentations, such as the one about 9/11 synchronicities, that make you think.

Here is his YouTube channel and some of my favorite videos of his. Please watch some of them. They are worth your time and you won't regret it. Get read for a refreshing dose of truth and eloquence. Feel free to share them with others if you like them.

Main channel with a list of his videos:

http://uk.youtube.com/user/CometStardust1975

Truth Forbidden in America?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2p3Btqoxt0A

End of Communication and the End of America

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Lrfb5m1-c

9/11 Redux - Who are Sheeple?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zX8B1yws-QQ

So you want to be famous? (not what you think, a satire of a grim reality)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vK1F3dLTLWM

9/11 Coincidences or Synchronicities?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fI6P6G6QnrA

Reverse Speech - evidence of why it's real

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kluVTd1Ub6w

Anyhow, check them out and leave your comments in them, and share them with others you know as well.

Enjoy,
Winston

Wayne Dyer & Deepak Chopra: Are they frauds and hypocrites full of commercialized BS and useless positivity?

An interesting critical review I found of the famous New Age author Wayne Dyer:

(Note: The original link broken, see the backup text of it in my forum instead)

https://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4283

"A Critical Perspective on Wayne Dyer

Murdoch2555

17-08-2005 20:23:51

Let us consider that Mr. Dyer is a very spiritual and enlightened individual. An oracle of "source energy" that has codified his effusive wisdom into a series of books that retail somewhere in the vacinity of 25-30 dollars.

Wayne Dyer has certainly reached many people with his message of self actualization (Maslow) and reaching Source (Cost Plus World Market Lamp). My first question regarding Mr. Dyer is his lack of fecundity in regards to his work; what exactly is the river bed of Dyer's original thought? To me, it seems greatly lacking. True, the Daila Lama tends to repackage traditional Buddhist wisdom in his texts and has found a very popular market around the world. Yet it appears to me that Wayne sells himself as the worlds foremost thinker on "Self Development".

When one listens to Wayne speak, one is astounded by his use of quotation. From Emmerson to Einstein, Wayne tends to prologue all of his mystic wisdom with the ideas of other people. This would be okay if it were just used as a stepping stone, intended to develope on and expand an idea or principle...this does not seem to happen very much, and when it does they tend to exist as logical extensions of "rational" knowledge applicable to his spiritual dimensions of work. His most recent work, "The Power of Intention", the concept that one can manifest their desires through meditation that focuses on what they can have instead of negative thoughts in regard to what they lack, can be found through-out constant religious and spiritual texts through out time. Granted, Dyer does not hide this fact, and one finds it slightly frustrating, in the fact that not only does he rob ideas, he has no problem with advertising it.

Understandably, Dyer repackages many of these ideas in the same respect Teenage Christian Mission Leaders repackage christian themes in an MTV style, making it more palpable for teenagers. A balding man in a Cosby sweater on PBS is a slightly easier sell than an Eastern mystic in robes.

Another concern of mine is Dyer's use of stories both personal and universal that simply appear to be works of fiction. In particular his lenghty stories that appear on his PBS specials for the single purpose of getting some shots of women in the audience crying. One involves a young student who is very poor developing a special relationship with a teacher that helps him progress. Another involves a retarded child whose baseball fantasy is manifested through the care of other players. THe first story is surely false, as it orignated as a story in Chicken Soup for the Soul and found later popularity as an e-mail forward. The second one I have seen as an e-mail forward, though it's origin I do not know for certain.

Another concern regards his very purpose. Wayne has no problem letting the world know he is fabulously rich, even revealing he is in the top 1% income bracket in a letter to politicians on his website, which seems primary focused on his repulsion for having to pay alot of taxes.

If Wayne has access to secrets of spritual success and wisdom, why does he have siminars? What I mean by this is, why doesn't he write down everything he knows that can help people into a book, and send it to his editor?

One you've had access to the 10 secrets for success and inner peace, why on earth would you need the power of intention to manifest what you want? You now have success and inner peace if you used his last book, why is there always more wisdom to be sold for 30 dollars?

And as mentioned before, why, if Dyer truely wants to help the world, does he not simply scribe all the wisdom he can imagine into a book and pay airplanes to airdrop them into poor neighborhoods, instead of making fun of the garbage that poor people have on their lawns (Creating your life with thought, The Inner Wisdom Library).

Instead, to suppliment his wisdom, many people must pay thousands of dollars to see Wayne in person at a variety of new age spiritual events. It is not always this expensive ofcourse, but as anyone here who has been to a Dyer event knows, it is very expensive to listen to him speak.

Why is this?

Wayne is amazingly rich...why does he still feel the need to charge this money for his appearances?

Many might suggest that his PBS work is very altruistic, but infact, he is paid enourmously for those shows, and it is a wonderful advertisement for his books and all materials contained in his Enchillada packages.

On a personal note, I cannot help but noticed that Wayne appears to me to be an incredibly ego-centric man...I cannot exactly back this up with evidence, but it's simply a very strong feeling I get. To me, it's perfectly okay to be egocentric, it's just difficult to acccept this in somene who claims to have nearly transcended all of his ego ways.

Remember that Wayne also contradicts himself constantly. In the Power of Intention (I believe) he talks about a coworker who is sick with a cold, and how disgusting his snot is. 20 minutes later he tells us that we must find beauty in everything we see, even a homeless person urinating on the street (This was preempted by a story regarding the work of Victor Frankle the founder of Logotherapy, and him finding beauty in the head of a fish, which was given to him in his soup by his Nazi captors during the holocaust). Why can't he find snot beautiful?

This is simply one example I found particularly amusing.

I am not a very spiritual person, but I think it's good if people can find wisdom in Wayne Dyer.

However, it's not his wisdom.

I don't understand why he is more concerned with being rich than with making sure his message gets out to everyone.

His attitude towards the poor is to me disturbing, in the notion that poor people are slaves to their "intention" and that anyone can escape their socio-economic positions with what basically is wishful thinking. While this may be true in many cases, to dismiss the political and economic factors is to me, callous and un-"source" like, so to say.

He writes diatribes against paying taxes, but I've not seen his work urging politicians to do more to help homeless people, or, if he truely believes his work is what they need, why don't we see him going out and making sure that all disadvantaged people have his books, tapes, cds, dvds, yes, he even sells a pack of playing cards.

Finally, a woman posted a message on here that I will summarize as saying, "I am jobless, without a husband, am very shy and need money, I have been trying to manifest what i want with the power of intention, but it is not working".

This is very sad to me, I believe Dyer's "Intention" philosophy is very dangerous, as it gives hope to the hopeless in a very disingenious way. If this woman wants to change her life, she has to get out into the world and try to create a better life through action. Believing that her "thoughts" and "meditations" will manifest her life simply is a lie. If this were true, not only would everyone have Waynes book and be manifesting everything they want in their life, the economy of the world would have failed over night.

I am not one to disregard positive thinking or even "manifesting meditations" as a positive act; I do agree that our mental attitude effects us an aweful lot, but only as it relates to our actions from it. This woman was horribly frustrated because her attempts at manifesting were not working, and it makes me sad to think all of the people out there that have been duped into believing this.

The real way to manifest, is to become a self-help guru and make millions writing books of based on the works of others, and charging thousands for personal appearances.

Many of you will simply say this is "resistance" as Wayne is fond of saying to anyone who disagrees with him.

Just a critical point of view

Murdoch"

My Comments:

The article above makes some good points. Why do such wonderful and wise New Age gurus who want to transform lives make their teachings only available to the wealthy? Why not make them affordable to the poor too? Gee, I'm sure there's no ulterior motive in that. (sarcastic)

The same goes for Deepak Chopra. What's hypocritical is that both Dyer and Chopra teach the abandonment of one's ego and promote non-materialist values, yet they both charge thousands of dollars to appear in public seminars, and their books sell for an average of around $30 each! Definitely not for the poor or those on a tight budget. Anyone can see in their PBS seminars that the studio audience members appear to be upper middle class and above.

Isn't that ironic?

Could it also be that their "thought creates reality" teaching sells to the upper class because it allows them to take credit for their riches and status, whereas such concepts do not sell to the poor who have a more practical view of reality?

Fascinating. (as Spock would say)

Perhaps what they teach only works in making the rich feel better about themselves, but doesn't offer anything of use for the poor or struggling class who deal with harsh everyday realities. After all, it's easy to those with sheltered lives to sit, meditate and try to "manifest abundance" when they already have it. And it's easier for the rich to "create reality" with their "thoughts" than it is for the poor, because they already have the resources to "manifest their reality" of course.

Nevertheless, many poor people believe in the "thought creates reality" concept as well (e.g. pot smoking hippies, alternative/holistic-oriented youngsters, etc.)

But what I can't figure out is why Deepak Chopra is successful. With Wayne Dyer, it's understandable, because he's charming, personable, charismatic, and has a likable endearing persona as well as a gentle tender father figure image. And he's easy to follow, his voice captivates you and his personality is engaging. But Chopra's voice is dry, dull and monotone. And his personality is not engaging, captivating or charismatic. In fact, there are millions of well read spiritualists in India just like him with the exact same knowledge. So there is no logical reason why Chopra should be successful or famous in his field.

Nevertheless, neither of them seem to be good at logic or common sense. For instance, they can't answer these simple 15 questions of mine about the "thought creates reality" teaching, which are never addressed in their books and seminars. Using simple everyday examples, I show in these questions why their core teaching falls flat on its head.

https://www.debunkingskeptics.com/LawofAttraction.htm

Perhaps they aren't as interested in "truth" as they would have you think. Perhaps they too are only interested in what "sells". Thus they are prone to the same human frailties as you and I. So perhaps we should not put them up too high on the pedestal.

Addendum and Update: 

To those of you who are defenders of Wayne Dyer and others like him, who claim that I am being "negative" or have a "failure mentality", let me clarify a few things so that we understand each other better. 

Yes Wayne Dyer is nice and positive, and has some good advice, but like religion and the Bible, he mixes truth with lies, either knowingly or unknowingly, for marketing purposes, because BS sells, truth does not. Americans especially love positivity even if its false positivity.

Dyer makes MISLEADING claims which cause his fans to become delusional and sets them up for disappointment. Some examples:

"You create your own reality"

"Your mind is all powerful. There are no limits unless you impose limits on yourself. Nothing is impossible unless you believe it is."

Etc.

No these are not straw mans. Dyer and other New Agers say these things in their New Age books and lectures, literally. But these are common lies and misleading statements in the New Age and self-help industry. They are not even true. Your mind can influence your body and health yes, but that's it, they do not have power over your external reality. For example, those with genuine telekinesis can only move small objects like toothpicks under a glass bowl. Research parapsychology and you will see that. No one can move large objects with their mind like you see the Jedi doing in Star Wars. To claim you can is a lie. Yes psi does exist, but the effect is very miniscule.

Look up my friend Darryl Sloan on YouTube. He is one of the most honest researchers and has authentic psi demonstrations where he moves a paper wheel left or right. I've done this myself and I know it's real. But that's it. Very miniscule effect. NOT all powerful as Wayne Dyer, Gregg Braden, Bruce Lipton and other New Age authors claim! You do not create your own reality, if you could then you'd live in a dream world where nothing went wrong. Duh! You'd have powers like Q from Star Trek The Next Generation where you could manifest anything instantly. But no one can do that. Show me just ONE person, JUST ONE, who can lift large objects into the air like the Jedi do in Star Wars. JUST ONE! You can't! Because it's impossible, not because we believe it's impossible (as Yoda told Luke in Empire Strikes Back), but because it IS IMPOSSIBLE. To deny that is a lie. Yet Dyer and other New Age authors do just that, they lie and make false statements that delude New Age people and set themselves up for disappointment.

That's my beef with them. Do you understand? Yes New Age teachings do have truth, but like the Bible, it's truth mixed with lies, for commercial purposes and to sell too, because no one likes to hear that there are limits, everyone likes to believe that there are no limits, so to be a good New Age author you HAVE TO LIE and say that nothing is impossible and that there are no limits and that your mind is all powerful like God, etc. All of this defies basic logic and common sense and is EASILY DISPROVEN of course, but it SELLS in America, so all New Age authors have to say that. Even if they know it's not true. That's the sad part. America is the most delusional country on Earth. That New Age BS doesn't sell in Europe or Russia where people are more real and rational, for example.

Of course, it's also true as others here have said, that New Age teachings are very VICTIM blaming too because it falsely assumes that there are no victims and that everything that happens you must have attracted to you with your negative thoughts, even if it's not your fault. That's cruel and wrong and untrue and cultish too, because New Agers will believe that regardless of contrary data and common sense and basic logic. 

Do you see my point? It doesn't matter if Dyer was a nice man. He makes a lot of highly misleading statements and false claims that are easily disproven by basic logic and common sense everyday experience. Thus he should be exposed and blamed for that, it's valid criticism for sure. This is true even if some of his advice is good. Of course you have to mix truth with lies in order to sell something. Sleazy used car salesmen do the same thing, because 100 percent truth does not sell, neither does 100 percent lies, in order to sell well you gotta mix truth and lies properly to create an attractive package full of positivity and lies and exaggerated claims. That's the formula for selling something well. If you think about it, you will understand that's the reality of how things sell in America, which is the land of BS.

One more thing: Yes I do love spirituality and am a very spiritual person myself. I believe in the paranormal and psi too, which has been demonstrated and proven in many ways (look up Dean Radin and Rupert Sheldrake on that). However, just because I'm into spirituality and metaphysics does not mean that I believe in New Age lies and BS claims like "You create your own reality" or "Your mind is all powerful, nothing is impossible unless you think it is" etc. Those are simply untrue and easy to disprove, super easy. Even a child could disprove those claims. So why do New Age adults buy them? It's so delusional. A lie is a lie, even if its cloaked under the guise of "spirituality" and "positive thinking". The problem is that in America, the land of BS, there is this false assumption that everything that sounds positive MUST be true, even if it obviously isn't. It's a strange delusion, but alas, America is a positivity cult essentially, that's why you always gotta give a positive answer when Americans say "How are you doing?" as we all know. Just because I'm spiritual doesn't mean I am going to lie like Wayne Dyer does and not call a spade a spade. A real truth seeker doesn't do that. Think about it.

15 simple questions for the "thoughts creates reality" folks, such as Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra, that they never address

http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/LawofAttraction#Appendix

Appendix: List of questions for those who believe that "thoughts create reality"

Here is my list of questions for those who believe that "thoughts create reality", which they seem to avoid for some reason. When I ask them, they tend to either avoid the question or go off into some irrelevant rant and then re-confirming that "thought creates reality" principle without even addressing any of my points directly. How strange. I would have expected better from so called "truth seekers". Nevertheless, here is the list.

1. If thoughts create reality, then how come we can't fly or walk through walls or move mountains with our thoughts? How come even if I believed 100 percent that I could pass through a solid wall, I'd still bump my head if I tried?

2. If thoughts create reality, then how come it's possible to trip or slip on banana peels? Wouldn't our assumption that it was safe to walk there create a trouble-free walk?

3. If thoughts create reality, then why did the Titanic sink when everyone "thought" it was unsinkable?

4. If thoughts create reality, then why are there surprises in life? Why do both optimists and pessimists experience events that turn out better or worse than they expected? Shouldn't they have manifested whatever they expected?

5. If thoughts create reality, then why do most things not go according to plan? By planning, wouldn't your thoughts generated during the plan create the reality in which things went exactly according to plan?

6. Is there any objective reality? If not, then how come you can bring a brown table into a room full of people, yet everyone will see the same thing, without you telling them what it is? And even if you told them it was a blue table, they'd still see a brown table. Doesn't that indicate that the brown table has an existence in objective reality?

7. To what degree do thoughts create reality? Are there any limits? If so, then why doesn't Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra define any? And aren't they misleading people into thinking that their thoughts are all powerful by not doing so? Or do they have a vested non-spiritual interest in promoting this concept? If there are no limits, then why can't you materialize and dematerialize matter in the physical universe like "Q" in "Star Trek The Next Generation"?

8. Another variant of this principle is that "expectations create reality" as well. In other words "Expectations manifest. You attract what you think about. What you expect will be drawn to you. And what you fear also will manifest." Now if that's true, then how come most things don't go according to plan and how come expectations often fail?

9. If "expectations create reality" then how come we don't always get what we expect? How come there are so many let downs and disappointments in life?

10. Another variant of this is that you will "manifest what you fear" as Wayne Dyer like to put it. If that's so, why aren't children who are afraid of the boogie man at night don't actually get harmed or taken by one? And how come children afraid of monsters under their bed don't get eaten or killed by them? How come people who get scared after watching a horror movie don't manifest the creatures from the movie into real life? How come Dracula, Werewolves, Frankenstein, Jason or Freddy Krueger haven't manifested into reality yet?

11. If we manifest what we fear, then how come many of our fears don't come to pass and turn out to be just due to an overactive imagination?

12. How come when the year 2000 came, many feared that a Y2K bug might wreak havoc in society by causing many crucial computer systems to shut down, yet the scare turned out to be nothing? How come their collective fears didn't manifest?

13. Do you really believe that if you drank cyanide or muriatic acid and believed 100 percent that it was just plain water, that it wouldn't harm you? I hope not!

14. Since a lot of you folks also believe that how you see yourself and what you think you are will be how others see you and what others think you are, then do you really believe that if you walked into the Pentagon and believed 100 percent that you were the President of the United States, that everyone there would think that you are The President? And what if I believed that I was Superman or Batman? Would everyone believe it too?

15. And what if an ugly fat woman walks around in public like she is super hot and sexy, and believing as such in her mind 100 percent? Would everyone then think she was super hot and sexy and desire her? Or that she was delusional? And what about the people in the insane asylum who believe they are Napoleon or Jesus Christ? Does society accept their claims? Do they then become that and become the ruler or savior of the world?

Why Men Cheat on Women They Love: An Explanation to Women

I've often been asked by women, including my own girlfriend, why men cheat on women that they supposedly love, as though it were some perplexing unfathomable mystery. 

Sometimes, the question is rhetorical, but in case it’s not, I’d like to provide the following simple analogies to answer this common question asked by women, which is not unexplainable at all. It’s just that oftentimes, women do not accept the explanations. But in fact, one can understand it through simple analogies and common sense.

Summary of differences in dating/social life between US and Abroad

In summary, here are the primary differences I discovered between dating/social life in the US vs. most countries abroad:

In America:

- Women are generally paranoid, anti-social, and stuck up toward others, especially strangers. They interact with others only on an "as needed" basis and do not like to meet new people, and if they do, it's only through mutual friends.
- They have an off-the-chart sense of entitlement that makes them think they're too good for most guys. The majority of available women are gunning for the 20 percent of men at the top, thinking they deserve no less. This leaves around 80 percent of men without choices, forced to be either alone or settle for someone (fat, ugly, plain) that isn't their top pick.
- For some reason, the average female has far more dating choices than the average male, who has little or none. Anyone can see this both in real life and in online personal ads, where women receive hundreds of times more responses than men do. And of course, they are far pickier.
- Women in America nowadays have a negative general view of men and hatred toward them, which is condoned and supported by the media. In fact, some women meet a different man every week and end up hating every single one of them, regardless of their looks or personality.
- Feminism and political correctness have taken over the nation, corrupting women and giving them a false sense of pseudo-power. And the political correctness that shields women from criticism allows them to get away with almost anything with no accountability.
- Rather than being tender, soft and feminine like most women of the world aspire to be, they act overly tough and behave like Nordic warriors.
- To make things even worse, obesity has become an epidemic, and fashion standards have dropped, decreasing the number of attractive women so that unattractive females now outnumber attractive ones.
- Sex with attractive women is very hard to get in America. (And for me, sex with unattractive women is hard to get too) You have to be a very specific category type and hang in very specific groups or cliques. But even then, your choices are limited and dependent on timing and opportunity.
- The whole US social scene is cliquish, closed, exclusive, and isolationist by nature, with work and consumerism being the only constants. A weird "ice barrier" exists between strangers in the US. People are disconnected from each other and interact on an "as needed" basis only. They do not generally like to meet people, and if they do, it's only through mutual friends. Hence, the average person's social circle is severely limited to a few. (In fact, the US is the only country I know of where you can be outgoing and sociable yet have no friends)
- Friendships tend to be superficial and short term. They grow apart very easily, and are often a mere facade that lacks any true human bond or connection. Furthermore, most of your so called "friends" do not even really like you for you. And of course, most of them do not stick with you through thick and thin. Thus, it's no wonder that so many Americans say that "true friends are hard to find".


So as you can see, it's a losing battle and sinking ship, as well as a waste of time and life.

But in most of the other 200 countries outside the US, most or all of these factors are reversed.

In most countries abroad:

- Women do not put up unnatural defensive barriers toward men or strangers, but are open, approachable, sociable, and talk to strangers as if they already know them. They love meeting new people, and are not anti-social or paranoid.
- They are happy, not angry or hateful, and act more humble and modest. They do not think that men are creeps or that women are superior to men and can do no wrong.
- They enjoy flattery and compliments, and like being "hit on" or pursued, finding it manly and charming rather than "creepish".
- They are usually thin or height/weight proportionate and enjoy being feminine, acting feminine and dressing feminine. Obesity is rare and the attractive women outnumber the unattractive ones.
- Contrary to dysfunctional US females, they really do like NICE GUYS, supported by their ACTIONS not just their words. They stick with them, love them, and sleep with them.
- Basically, they are the way women were meant to be, which is refreshing to the Western male.
- Best of all, normal men (decent guys with no mental problems) actually have CHOICES among attractive women in other countries, either just as many as the women do, if not more. There are not millions of lonely depressed guys with no social life or female companionship and unable to do anything about it like there are in the US (which is probably the loneliest country in the world).
- Sex with attractive women is generally easier to get overseas, ranging from a little easier in some countries (Western Europe, Australia), to a lot easier in others (Russia, Eastern Europe, South America, Mexico), and overflowing in others (Philippines, Thailand, China).
- The social environment is naturally inclusive, so that one does not feel inherently disconnected from everyone else, even if they're alone (whereas in the US, you can be around hundreds of people yet feel totally alone, and you can also be outgoing and sociable yet be excluded and have no friends, unbelievably).
- People generally like to meet new people, and social interaction is not limited to cliques or through mutual friends. Instead, it flows naturally and smoothly. It is normal to meet people in public situations. There is not a weird "ice barrier" between strangers like there is in the US. And people generally talk to strangers with a comfortable natural demeanor, as if they already know them. Thus, if you are outgoing and sociable, you are guaranteed to make friends.
- Friendships tend to be deeper, more sincere and close-knit. They are also more long- lasting and enduring, with a truer human bond and connection. With foreign friends, a more natural camaraderie develops or is often instant. They are closer to the kind of ideal friendships you read about and cherished as a child in wholesome fictional stories that hold a place in your heart and memories. And of course, it is easy to find people that like you for you. In fact, "true friendships" develop more naturally and smoothly.


All these things are a huge refreshing difference, a world of difference in fact. Though these differences are as glaringly obvious as the blue sky above, NONE of it receives ANY publicity in the US. You aren't supposed to know about them for some reason. And that's what this website tries to remedy, by getting this info out there and educating those who need to know.

Four incompatibilities with Taiwanese/Chinese people: Why I'm different from my own kind

Four incompatibilities with Taiwanese/Chinese people: Why I'm different from my own kind


Hi my name is Winston Wu. I am a very unique blend in that I am a Taiwanese American with a European/Latin mentality and soul. However, those who stereotype automatically assume that as a Taiwanese American, I will have Taiwanese traits. So to them and others who are interested, I present this summary of key differences between my traits and those of typical Taiwanese and Chinese people.

Although Taiwanese/Chinese people are usually very kind, possess a rigid sense of morality and conscience, and have rock solid family values, I have many incompatibilities with them in the areas of mind, soul, values, beliefs and lifestyle. Here are some of the key ones.

1. Taiwanese/Chinese people are natural followers and conformists in both mind and lifestyle. They see obeying society and authority as the only possible path in life without alternatives. Thus, they are only comfortable by "following the pack". Rather than thinking for themselves or thinking outside the box, they think as they are "supposed" to think. They do not "dare to be different".

Therefore, if you are too different from them, they don't know what to do with you and often just ignore you. You see, Taiwanese/Chinese people lack any interest in trying to comprehend those who are different from them. Probably, this is because they are not curious intellectuals, but are workaholics and followers driven by duty who live to conform. Thus, they do not relish being unique or different, nor are they interested in understanding those who are. Instead, they have a tunnel vision mentality in which life is all about "following" rather than thinking for yourself or creating something. In addition, they are very strict and serious about their ways.

On the other hand, as a freethinker and freespirit, I like to think for myself, even if it goes against conventional lines. And I relish being unique and different. I am not afraid to go against the majority or crowd if I feel I am right. To me, truth and free expression are the most important ideals, not conformity. Rather than being limited to a one-dimensional practical mindset, I have a multi-faceted perspective that incorporates both practicality and imagination/creativity. Being naturally inquisitive, I seek to understand different people and what they are about. And as a writer, I am constantly thinking, musing and asking questions.

2. Taiwanese/Chinese are workaholics with few other interests in life. Almost every Taiwanese person has a strong desire to be a workaholic. In fact, this desire is so deeply ingrained into the Taiwanese culture and soul that if you don't have it, they think there is something wrong with you or that you are some kind of freak.

Like the American/Anglo-Saxons mindset, they "live to work" and usually work 6 or 7 days a week, having few or no other interests. Even when they are rich enough to retire and not work anymore, many of them still want to continue working because they get bored to death and feel empty if they don't. They wouldn't know what else to do, sadly. Like corporate America, they have an Anglo-Protestant work ethic and value that states that a person has no worth without a job or career. They enjoy working hard just for the sake of working hard, which is a grand virtue to them. You can see this not only in their workaholic lifestyle, but also in the fact that they are not able to converse on a variety of subjects, or engage in deep conversations. Instead, their conversations are usually limited to topics about surface-level necessities and practicalities.

As for me, I have more of a European or Latin mentality and soul toward life. For instance, I do not measure my life in terms of career progress, but by the variety of rich experiences I've had. I am an eclectic and Renaissance type of man who lives for intellectual and artistic pursuits. And I am deeply philosophical, inquisitive, and existentialist in nature. Also, I am wild, passionate and romantic, yet cultured, artistic and intellectual at the same time (a rare combination of traits for a Taiwanese or American, but not for a European or Latin). Thus, I am more like an Italian, Frenchman or Spaniard than a Taiwanese or American.

So, to the typical Taiwanese person who gives me a puzzled look when they find out that I don't have a desire to be a workaholic, I say this, "Sorry buddy, I respect you and all, but we are different creatures driven by different things."

3. Taiwanese/Chinese people, like most Americans, tend not to talk to strangers unless it's business related or on an "as needed" basis. They only meet new people through mutual friends and socialize only within their own clique. This is especially the case with young women. As a result, the average Taiwanese/Chinese person's dating choices and social circle is severely limited to the few in their clique, closed off from the rest of the world's population. Outside one's clique, other people are like an "off limits zone" to them, similar to how it is in the US. In my book, that sucks (but fortunately it doesn't have to be that way, and in most countries of the world, it's not). And as in American social culture, there exists an "ice barrier" between strangers, but without the paranoia that pervades the typical modern American populace.

Well I don't like countries like that. I like meeting quality people and beautiful women. So I am happier in countries where general people are open and sociable (not just kids and old people like in Taiwan), where it is normal to talk to people in public settings and where they are comfortable doing so. I don't like being restricted to cliques or requiring introductions, which severely hamper the opportunities and are low probabilities. Countries that limit socialization to within cliques are a "catch 22" - you have to have a lot of friends to meet a lot of people, but you can't get a lot of friends unless you meet them through a lot of friends first. Hence a "closed loop".

Thus, only those that get in early have opportunities to meet others or get acquainted with nice available women. Or those that have the "right" connections, which only a few will have of course. But even if you do have good connections, the number of people you can meet will still be miniscule compared to those you can meet in countries with open free-flowing inclusive social cultures.

4. Taiwanese/Chinese people and society tend to be extremely "square", prudish, inhibited, conservative, tight, strict, proper, serious, submissive, and hung up about sex. (Thus, they would be suitable candidates for conversion to Protestant Christian religious sects, which idealize and emphasize such traits.)

As a result, they tend not to be very fun to hang around, as they never really "let loose", but are constantly obsessed with work and duty 24/7. After all, people who are too "square" are not much fun. Also, Taiwanese parents tend to be control freaks and worry-worts who try to create co-dependency in their children.

In Taiwan, sex is a taboo subject. They are so ashamed and embarassed by it that they suppress any notion of it publicly. To even utter the word "sex", "horny" or "pick up girls" in Taiwan would be like cussing in a church. Even compared to the solemn serious Japanese, they are more hung up about sex in comparison, as they don't even have a porn industry, whereas Japan has a huge porn industry. In fact, even Taiwanese actors in movies and TV shows are not wild or uninhibited in them, but are serious and solemn!

It's no wonder then, that on internet forums for those seeking sex, such the one on WorldSexGuide.com, many have said that Taiwan is not the place for whoremongers or those looking to get laid or seeking wild action. They say the sex scene there is virtually dead. Taiwanese girls are so prudish in fact, that they don't even like to shake hands. After all, how can I talk or even think about sex around someone who is so stiff that she can't even shake hands?!

In my experience, Taiwanese women who are wild, uninhibited and horny are like UFO's and Bigfoot. Sure, I HEAR stories ABOUT them, but I never SEE or EXPERIENCE them! And everyone who claims to know some that I've asked to show them to me has FAILED to do so or come up with some excuse. Whatever. Thus, I conclude that if they exist they must be extremely rare, and certainly not easily available to the average guy. Most Taiwanese people I've known tend to marry their first or second partner, so not many have had many partners. The society is way too square for "sexual exploration".

In contrast though, in the neighboring Asian countries of Philippines or Thailand, I can easily find and experience wild uninhibited women ANY time I want, every day and every minute if I wanted to. No problem at all in babe paradise. And I can easily demonstrate this to others who don't believe it, without any excuses.

As a freespirit/freethinker, I feel suffocated by all this. I love action, adventure, fantasy, imagination, fun, desires, sex and fast women, none of which are encouraged in a pragmatic Taiwanese society nor flows naturally in it. Instead, everything feels repressed and subdued. In Taiwan, I get the impression that one is supposed to be humble, non-expressive, weak and submissive, doing only one's duty as a workaholic and conformist. (Well sorry bud, that's just not me.) Therefore, being a freethinker, intellectual, melodramatic, wild or passionate, feels out of sync and out of tune with the Taiwanese environment.

In short, I would have to say that like America, Taiwan has a bland culture that is good for making money and being a workaholic, but not for living life to the fullest, having different experiences, enjoying one's existence or having fun.


Conclusion:

Thank you for reading. I believe and hope that this presentation sufficiently explains to those who expect me to have Taiwanese traits, why they are mistaken. As explained above, these incompatibilities and key differences between me and my fellow Taiwanese people make me feel like an alien among them, of a different species. They don't understand me and I don't understand them. The only kindred spirit I feel with them is in language and race, for there exists a comfort zone and level of trust between Taiwanese people that non-Taiwanese cannot feel, which is hard to put in words. But in terms of my mind and soul, no way. We couldn't be more different.

Now, it is true that most Taiwanese people do seem to share the traits described above, at least in my experience and that of those who I've talked to. But I guess every general pattern and rule has exceptions, so I happen to be one in this case.

So to the typical Taiwanese person who approaches me assuming me to be like them, I say this:

"Buddy, I respect you and all, but we are just different creatures driven by different things. Now, if you wish to try to understand me, I will help you to do so. But odds are, you won't be interested or you will feign interest out of politeness only. If that's the case, then so be it. To each his own."

Taiwanese black and white ways, limitations on social life, and control freak behavior

Black and white proper ways

In Taiwan, there is this cultural black and white thinking that strictly dictates that there is one “right way” (“dee-uh” in Taiwanese) of doing things, and all other ways are “wrong ways” (“mmm-dee-uh” in Taiwanese). It is subjective and singular-minded. In their belief system, everything, especially people, must be strictly controlled and regulated through “proper ways” of behaving and conduct. Any deviation from these “proper, right” ways must be quickly “corrected” (“gai” in Taiwanese) or else all chaos will erupt (you gotta remember they live in fear, not confidence or optimism, and thus tend to use “negative reinforcement” to control their children).

For example, there is a proper time to go to bed (9pm to 10pm usually) and get up (early morning), even on Friday and Saturday nights. There is a proper time to eat meals (and you gotta eat quickly, this isn’t Europe where you can savor the process of eating, for to take too long would be to waste time idlely) that must be followed everyday. Most Taiwanese people stick to these sleeping and eating schedules strictly in a daily mechanistic routine, and this includes those who are retired or financially independent and don’t even have to work! Rarely do they just let loose and party, and even if they do, it’s strictly controlled and kept within a short time frame, so that it doesn’t get out of hand! (albeit there is a minority who drink alcohol, gamble, and play mahjong a lot, but these are a minority)

Severe limitations of social life

And of course, there is a proper way to meet people, make friends, or get acquainted with the opposite sex, and that is by introductions through mutual connections. Not only are most Taiwanese people too shy to talk to strangers, but they are taught that it is improper, indecent, and “wrong” as well. The only ones who tend to talk to strangers freely are old people and little children.

Thus, it is very hard to meet people or get dates there. The social environment does not flow freely at all, unlike many European, Latin, or African countries. Having to depend on introductions through others is very limiting indeed, but alas, it is the “proper” way to do things, and most Taiwanese and Orientals in general are afraid to deviate from it (you gotta remember, most of them prefer to “follow the pack” rather than think or do things their own way).

So, similar to Anglo-Saxon dominated countries (America, Canada), in Oriental countries (Chinese, Japanese, Koreans mostly) it takes time, effort, and luck to meet people by developing connections through the proper channels first, which is usually through school, work or mutual friends. That means little of it is really in your control. You gotta mostly wait and hope you get lucky. After all, you can’t just meet people in public or talk to strangers while you’re going out and doing something, for to do so would make you appear rude, inappropriate, and even “freakish”.

Unfortunately, those who are seeking dates or an intimate relationship are in the worst position, for their romantic choices are strictly limited within their schools, work environments, and social cliques. Thus the millions of other potential partners they could be matched with out there, are simply closed off to them and off-limits. It’s very sad and depressing, if you ask me, but that’s how it is. (Thank God though, that the internet now offers them a way to meet people that they otherwise wouldn’t have been able to meet through these traditional channels, otherwise their situation would be hopeless unless they had the right connections)

And since it’s improper conduct to talk to strangers in Oriental societies, or to even look at them, it makes it damn near impossible to “pick up” girls that you find attractive. (which in the Philippines is so easy that it’s not even a challenge) To even try is not only inappropriate, but “freakish” as well, and would put one at risk of incurring the wrath of the Oriental collective. Very few dare to violate such norms, and instead prefer to live in their safe comfort zones by following the pack and its rules. Thus, even attractive, hot or sexy people do not dare try to “pick up” the opposite sex in public settings, and in fact, no one dares to even stare at them either. To call that “prudish” would even be an understatement. Now, to romantic Casanovas like me, these societal rules are just plain suffocating and unacceptable.

Simply put, in Anglo-Saxon and Oriental dominated countries, social interactions and relationships are usually strictly limited within one’s work environment, school, or social clique. Suffice to say though, it’s even worse in America because in many office settings, dating co-workers is an un-official taboo, whereas it’s very acceptable and even encouraged in Asia.

Generally, the Asian countries where people are much more comfortable and relaxed talking to strangers and are more approachable and less shy, are Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia. But even in these countries, most people tend to “follow the pack” rather than think for themselves. In regions like Malaysia and Indonesia, the people are gentle and passive, not as strict, controlling or angry prone as Orientals, but since they are strictly Muslim, they are very conservative and abide by strict rules and customs (and that includes not dating any non-Muslims).

Super control freak attitudes and behaviors

Now back to the Oriental control nature discussed earlier. If you deviate from their strict notions of the proper and right way of doing things, even in little things, many Taiwanese people, including non-family members, will be quick to try to correct you and fix you, as if it were their second nature. In fact, controlling and correcting others is in their instinct, as if they live and breathe it. You can never take it out of most of them, not even by reasoning with them, showing them the folly or illogical nature of their ways, or by “correcting” them. You see, they aren’t this way because they choose to be or because it’s logical or necessary. It’s simply “the way” they’ve always done things and not to be questioned. They aren’t a freethinking society, but rather a “follow the right way” society.

Even in the USA, when my parents’ Taiwanese friends learned that my dream was to pursue acting, they quickly discouraged it, labeling it as “useless and impractical” because such a path leads to an unstable income or little or no income at all. They never thought to consider that my belief is that one should do what one loves and follow one’s passion regardless of whether they are making good money or not. No, to them, making money is a practical value that is of far higher importance than love, passion, or even following one’s heart. You see, the matters of the heart and soul are of a dimension that aren’t part of their shallow materialistic paradigm.

This obsessive controlling/correcting nature is strongest in the relationship between parents and their offspring. (which outsiders don’t always get to see, for many families hide their control freak nature from outsiders in an attempt to save face) Parents are constantly controlling and correcting their children over every little thing without end. One of the most common warnings they utter to them in Chinese is “Ni jze yan tzu, wo yao shun tche oh.” which means “If you’re gonna be like this, I’m going to get angry.” And they are constantly labeling everything to them in black and white categories such as “dweh” (right) and “buh-dweh” (wrong), thus instilling in them a black and white worldview.

As another example, my dad’s younger brother and some of his close friends whom I call “Uncles” were strict controlling Asian parents who used anger, shouting, threats and fear to manage their children. To Western styles, their approach seems abusive, cruel, and excessive. But in Taiwanese families, such a parenting style is actually quite normal, standard, and even expected. They do it all in the name of “it’s for their own good”. What I gather is that in these parents’ minds, there is this fear that if their children are not sternly and tightly controlled, then chaos will erupt and the whole family will go down the drain. So in their minds, they are doing what’s right. Thus, the parents and the children both live in fear.

One harmful effect of all this is that it contributes to their vulnerable insecure state of constantly living in fear of criticism. Rather than empowering them with self-confidence or self-worth, it weakens their ego and worth by subjecting them to excessive control, negative reinforcement, and fear tactics. In addition, they also tend to have this annoying habit of talking to you like you don’t know anything, even when they have no idea what you really know. Thus it’s no wonder that Orientals tend to be shy, timid, introverted, and non-assertive. They also almost never brag, unless they are Americanized of course.

As a result, Taiwanese children tend to pass on such strict controlling ways to their own children of the next generation, and the cycle repeats. One of the ways to break it is, of course, by becoming a freespirit and freethinker like me who can think outside of the box and choose his/her own path and behavior rather than following that of society like a robot. But of course, those Taiwanese who dare to be different will risk alienation from many of their ethnic kind, and find that many Asian cliques will exclude them and/or avoid them. For to them, following the pack is normal whereas thinking on your own, if it deviates from the norm, is seen as freakish, dangerous, unstable, outside their comfort zone, and thus makes them feel uncomfortable.

What Taiwanese people (as well as many Orientals and Americans) don’t understand is that you can’t change people by merely “correcting” or “fixing” them with a lecture about what they “should or ought” to do. Change comes from within, and you can’t change someone unless THEY want to be changed.

And besides, change itself is complicated. Some things about you can be changed, while others can’t. Sometimes, the change is only temporary, lasting for days, weeks, or even months, before you revert back to your behavior prior to the change. But even real change often occurs gradually, not instantaneously (as the result of some dumb lecture).

But alas, Taiwanese ways assume that you are a conformist by nature rather than an independent thinker, and that thus you can be “corrected” into conforming to their ways. Thus they assume that you can be changed by a simple lecture from them telling you what you should do. Yeah right. Perhaps it is these folks that need to be “corrected” by being given some wisdom about the folly of their control freak nature, and the ability to see things from more than one angle so that their mind can be expanded.

Of course, all of us, including me, are sometimes prone to such erroneous assumptions, as I myself may be flawed in thinking that this article will change the behavior of any control freak Taiwanese/Orientals.

Even in the Philippines, I’ve seen examples of this “control to the proper way” nature from Taiwanese and Japanese that set them apart from the Filipinos. Here are two instances:

- At a dinner party in a Taiwanese man’s home, while we were eating good vegetarian food, our host suddenly pointed to me and told me to eat the proper way with spoon and fork together rather than just a fork, even though I was doing fine with only a fork. Now, such an action about a trivial matter was totally out of context in a carefree lax happy-go-lucky Filipino society, and totally out of the norm, especially since it is a Filipino custom in homes to eat with bare hands. But it was the Taiwanese mentality to correct even such miniscule things, even though he was a very nice man. Afterward, all the other Filipino guests at the table followed suit and used both fork and spoon as well, since we were all in his home. I don’t know why he chose to correct only me though, probably because I’m Taiwanese too, so he felt more comfortable doing that to me.

- One time, while my girlfriend and I were at a hotel swimming pool during my parents’ visit, we met this really cute little boy only a few years old. My girl took a fancy to him and so while I was taking pictures, she got next to him to have her picture taken with him. While my camera was charging its flash, the boy’s mom suddenly came and took her kid away briskly. Afterward, I was puzzled and said, “That mom was not Filipino was she?” My girlfriend said that she was Japanese. “Oh no wonder,” I said, “cause a Filipino mom would never have a problem with a stranger wanting to take pictures with her kids. Only a Japanese or Oriental would be so strict and paranoid about it.” She nodded in agreement.

Taiwanese act like Christians, Filipinos act like Buddhists

Here is one odd inverse that I’ve observed between Taiwanese and Filipinos. Although Buddhism is part of Chinese culture and tradition, the Taiwanese mainstream personality is far more Christian-like with its black and white views and judgmental attitude. Clearly their “one way is the right way” mentality is more compatible with Christian thinking, as well as their overly righteous tone and speaking manner. Very few of them are truly nonjudgmental. Furthermore, their negative reinforcement tactics of controlling others through fear is also more similar to the classic Christian system of keeping its followers in fear of punishment and condemnation from God.

On the other hand, though Catholicism is deeply ingrained in Filipino culture to the point where over 90 percent of Filipinos claim to be Catholic, their cultural attitude seems more Buddhist than Christian. Filipinos are generally very nonjudgmental to the point where even misfits and weirdos from other countries feel like they fit in with them. They are also very tolerant and do not have this belief that only one way is the right way. In addition, they are very lax, carefree, slow to anger, not overly serious, and do not get riled up over little things that go wrong. As an example, amazingly the drivers in Manila in heavy slow traffic never seem to lose their cool or look impatient, even if other drivers cut them off or nearly hit them. They seem to have this Zen-like attitude of dealing with problems and do not get overly excited about little things, as though they are adept at practicing “nonattachment”, a key principle taught in Buddhism as a path to liberate the mind from suffering, karma and illusion. And even when they are upset, they quickly get over it as if nothing happened. It is not in their nature to hold a grudge or be resentful.

The basic rules of life to Taiwanese and Japanese people

To Taiwanese and Japanese people, the basic rules of life are simply as follows:

1) The purpose of life is to work hard and long in order to be secure, successful and virtuous in life.

2) Even after you become successful, wealthy or financially independent, you should still continue working long and hard for the rest of your life to remain a virtuous and noble person, or “just because” that’s how Chinese people like it.

3) One is permitted to have enjoyment and pleasure in life, but only for brief moments. Such must be strictly limited and controlled, lest they destroy society and make everyone lazy and idle. For there is no virtue in enjoyment or pleasure, only in working hard and toiling long hours is there virtue. When you are too old to work hard, then you may start enjoying life, relaxing and traveling, somewhat, but only in an inhibited proper way.

4) A normal decent person conforms to society, obeys authority, and “follows the pack”. There is a right proper way of doing everything. If anyone deviates from it, they must be fixed, corrected, and controlled into doing it the right proper way.

Needless to say, I don't agree with these rules. Instead, I believe that the purpose of life is to enjoy it and do what you love, regardless of the outcome. In my book, anything else is a wasted life.

Of course, there are some in the Western world who share such beliefs about the rules of life as well. They are the strict, conservative, conformist, socially inept, workaholic, all work and no play, robotic, shallow, materialistic types with no understanding or interest in the deeper dimensions of life, that we have all met one way or another. Obviously, I don’t vibe or jive with such people. The types of people I get along with best are artist types, freespirits, freethinkers, intellectuals, writers, actors, travelers, existentialists, etc. I must say though, that one can be one of these types while being responsible, sensible, and practical at the same time, as I myself am an example.

Their purpose in life is to work to death, literally

Taiwanese generally also love working to death, literally. Many work 7 days a week with no days off, for their whole life, and actually enjoy it that way. And this even includes those who are rich or financially independent. I can’t understand how anyone can be that way. But as my advisors explained, they measure everything by their practical worth, they do not live for the romantic, passionate or wild side. To them, the purpose of life is to work hard and long, suffering during the process, in order to be successful and make money. There’s a certain honor and glory in being a workaholic in their eyes. That’s what they live and breathe. Like many Americans, they live to work. They don’t know how to live life any other way. It’s even part of their culture to constantly chant to each other “work hard!” (“pah-biah” in Taiwanese) as if it were some kind of religion or mantra.

To me, that’s just insane. I've always believed that the purpose of life is to enjoy it. And if you don't, then it's a wasted life, no matter how much you attain materially. Likewise, I believe that people should do what they love most. And if they can make money doing what they love, then great. But if not, they should still continue doing it, because not doing what you really love in your heart and passion, is a wasted life in my book. In short, I'd rather be broke doing what I love, than make a good living not doing what I love. I know that some will argue that in an ideal world, everyone would be doing what they love, but the reality is that sometimes you have to do what you don't love in order to make ends meet and pay the bills. I don't agree though. Even if I have no way of doing what I love to make ends meet, there are always choices in life, and I'd still choose to go for broke doing what I love and reap the consequences. That's how I am. Regardless of the tangible outcome, I prefer to live according to my beliefs and integrity, rather than in fear following what society dictates.

From my perspective, the Taiwanese populace are like robots without independent thought. But from their point of view, they probably think I’m weird as well, cause I’m not like them. What a strange mismatch. If I were white, they’d be less surprised that I was different than them, but being a Taiwanese Asian, it shocks their paradigm completely it seems.

Another thing that I don’t get is that since the economy of Taiwan has boomed the past decade, greatly improving their standard of living, why do they still have to work so hard and suffer with little freedom or enjoyment outside of that. Well one answer is of course, that like Americans, they “live to work” so no matter how well off they are, their purpose of life is still to work hard, even if they’re already rich, for the glory and honor of its own sake. But it can be argued that they wouldn’t have become a rich country if it wasn’t for their workaholic busy-bee lifestyle and mentality in the first place.

One of my advisors explained that Taiwan, like other Oriental countries, is a robot society engineered strictly to make money and fuel the world’s economy. And thus, its citizens become like busy-bee ants laboring perpetually for that purpose. Of course, a typical Taiwanese person who’s never left the country would think this is normal, unless he/she has experienced life otherwise elsewhere.

Perhaps it’s all a matter of perspective, depending on where you’re coming from. From a typical Taiwanese person’s view, these things are normal and I’m the “strange one”. Oh well. Maybe I am.