There is simply too much competition in the American dating scene. Too many dudes are competing for too few chicks, so there is an imbalance, a screwed up and unfair ratio of single men to single women. The American dating landscape is like the job market: competitive, cynical, frustrating and harsh. So basically, a man has to bust his ass in school, break his balls working on that résumé while searching for work in a competitive job market, put himself on the line daily at that job he worked so hard to get, and when he’s not working, he gets to spend his personal life and free time in “the unemployment line,” competing with other men for the golden fleece. So, in a culture that shames and emasculates men, it’s all work and no reward.
In the more likely scenario that a man lands a date with a marginally attractive or average woman, he has lowered his standards because he has given in to the American standard for dating and relationships, or he has become so sexually frustrated, that he has resorted to desperation for the sake of getting laid. He has also lowered his standards because the average woman he is with likely has a weight problem, so he has lost some of his pride because of his chubby chasing, and probably doesn’t have a problem taking her out to and unhealthy dining joint as long as he’s getting supposed companionship and physical satisfaction. Even if she doesn’t have a weight problem, she likely has issues like alcoholism, debt, drug abuse, mental illness and trauma from past relationships gone bad. She’ll be shady and two-faced so that she can conceal these problems at the start of the relationship, and once the man finds out, the relationship he is in is more of a dire situation than he ever anticipated.
Then there are men who have no pride, no standards and no shame, so they will date and screw anything with a pulse. Disturbingly, I have seen more of this over the years. I see seemingly normal men with hideous and obese girlfriends and I think to myself, “What could he possibly see in her?” Have standards plummeted to the point where the amygdala takes over and eliminates inhibitions in the name of chasing tail? I admit that whenever I see such a sight, I have to look away in disgust or laugh so hard, I have a back spasm.
That’s another preposterous issue in the American dating game; women not wanting anything to do with nice guys, or at the very least, treating them like absolute sh*t. Being kind good-hearted is not valued in the U.S. Remember, things are so ass backwards in America, that good is bad. So keep in mind that being a nice guy will get you nowhere and nothing. The guy in the backwards hat and Kobe jersey with the tattoos has priority over the guy who dresses well, grooms himself well, shows up to work regularly and on time, treats others with respect and takes care of his health.
What I’ve learned is that women rationalize such decisions by saying they want a man who will take care of them and who is also healthy. They desire someone who has the financial means to start and support a family, disregarding the fact that the man making all that money might not necessarily be the best husband or father. In the general sense, losers are also desired by women because women want a sense of adventure in such incomplete men. Women see such men as “projects,” seeing some potential behind all the alcoholism, cheating, drug abuse and juvenile behavior, and thinking they can change him. They would rather waste precious time on the worst of the worst and be treated poorly in hopes that he will change for her.
More often than not, the change she anticipates doesn’t happen and she ends up breaking up with Mr. Wrong because she says she wants a man, not a boy. Then comes the clamor of, “Where are all the good men?” and “Where are the real men?” She suddenly realizes the mistake she’s made of continually chasing the wrong men and starts scrambling to recover herself in time to locate the nice guy she put in the friend zone. She’ll claim that she was confused, had to find herself or didn’t even see such malicious things coming from the other bozos.
What women don’t realize is that by playing these kind of Mickey Mouse games, they are playing with fire. When it “grows out of control,” that is when any decent man they have chased off has moved on or possibly still waits for her. Women say they want nice men, but that is only partially true. The want a nice guy only after they have been f*cked over by their fair share of a**holes. At that point, they have learned their lesson, and whether or not the nice guy wants a used car with high mileage is entirely up to him.
We will now begin our descent into the land of the leftovers. Beware the cesspool of skanks, tanks and single mothers. After their efforts of chasing quality women have failed, this is all men have left to choose from in ‘Murika. This is the clearance aisle in the dating store. These are the consolation prizes for valiant efforts that went unrecognized by good girls. The worst tasting food item on the menu that nobody ever orders.
As much as attractive women are prime targets of many men, decent men are the focus of undesirable females. In my experience, I, not a world class athlete, but nowhere near Fat Albert size, have had to dodge a plethora of Plain Janes, has-beens, never-wases, also-rans and former Miss Dunkin’ Donuts contestants. The only time I have ever been approached by attractive women is when they “ambushed” me to introduce me to their friend who just got out of rehab or when they took me aside and subtly pointed out to me their plump friend. Even worse, some friends show me photos of their single friends and when I look at the photos, I can see why their friends are still single. Of course, I decline the sh*tty offers, and that is why the most unpleasant women in the dating scene have their own, albeit lousy representatives and “marketing departments.”
Unpleasant women, especially fat women, are pissed off that men aren’t approaching them and they will bitch about real men doing their own thing. From a man going to the movies on his own to a guys’ night out, such women are under some illusion that they should be a part of the action. They desire to lock down a man before the cat days arrive, yet they don’t want to make any improvements for themselves, they want men to accept them as is, and thus, offer nothing for a relationship. I was once invited to an awards banquet and was allowed to bring one guest, and before I could even start asking prospects, one woman, should have stayed away from the buffet table, gave me a presentation including a speech and photos, as to why she should be my date for that event. Needless to say, I respectfully declined, but the real reason this happened was because of not only the American dating mess, but the unfortunate fat acceptance movement.
You would think, after all this nonsense, that there would be some help, some hope or some sort of solution. There would have to be a light at the end of the tunnel. There would have to be some sort of conflict resolution. There is, but you won’t find it from your friends, family, books, magazines, television or around the corner. What ensues is more bullsh*t that exacerbates an already precarious situation.
An awakening is happening and it is revealing that one’s destiny is determined by choice, not chance. This is definitely true in dating. It is much more logical to play the odds in your favor than wait for Halley’s Comet to fly by and give you the thumbs up. The reward is in the action, not inaction that you take. I, like many other men, just want to be in a happy relationship and I have taken the steps towards that kind of happiness; it's really not too much to ask.