I'll put this as honestly as I can, with no BS, no beating around the bush, and no sugar-coating or "watering down" of the facts about why I am excluded from the dating scene in
The reasons that the dating scene in
1) I don't fit any of the culturally desirable types of guys that American girls want
I am a short Asian male which is the opposite of the cultural ideal in this country. Young American women desire the following types of guys, none of which I am one of: a) tall sporty athletic Caucasian males, b) scruffy looking punk/skater types, c) beach boy/surfer dude types, d) bad boy types with goatees, and tattoos, e) jocks/athletic types (who are white of course), f) cowboys/macho men, and of course g) guys in a band. I just don't look like any of those types, therefore, I'm not on their wish list or preference. To them, a preppy looking clean-cut kind intelligent Asian male has nothing to offer them, even if he has way more money than those cultural ideal types above that fit American girls' tastes. Hence, they are anti-social to me and see me as zero value.
Now, I am the type of guy that many American women SAY they want – nice, caring, considerate, attentive, considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but in REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later, “Where are all the nice men?” Thus, they shoot themselves in the foot and contradict themselves. How wholesome they are, NOT! In reality, “nice men” are everywhere, they just don’t want them.
2) My ethnicity is considered the least desirable among males to American girls
Among males in the
Now, some older American women occasionally come out to me and protest, "That's not true, I like Asian men!" but of course, she is just an individual (one "x" among nine "o"s doesn't erase the majority of the "o"s) whereas we are talking about the collective preference, and second, older women tend to be less superficial about looks anyway, due to their mature and lower desirability than young women. Plus, I've noticed that, as with the “I want a nice guy” claim above, many American women who SAY they like Asian men, in reality never date them.
3) My height disqualifies me as well
Also, women are genetically imbred to prefer taller and bigger guys because their instincts think they look like they are better providers and a strong foundation to lean on. Most women won’t even consider a guy who is not at least 5ft 9. And since I am only 5ft 7, I’m just not in the running to them.
4) Most of my qualities are inner, which only older women appreciate
Since most of my good qualities are inner rather than outer, it seems that only women much older (too old for me) appreciate them, rather than younger women or even women my age. And that’s why usually women too old for me reply to my personal ads on Craigs List. The reason, according to one of my consultants, is:
“Because when they are older they lose their beauty and develop inner qualities as well. So they value those in others. Younger girls do not have them and they only have the outward qualities so they value those in others too. They cannot relate to inner ones since they do not have any yet.”
And gee, that just sucks.
5) No freedom to act out my natural genetically-encoded desires for women
Simply put, men aren't free to "act out" or "act on" their desires toward women (as they are in most other countries), unless a woman gives him permission to, of course. But the problem for me is that women never give me permission to act out my desires for them. So what am I to do? I definitely have VERY strong desires for romance, love, sex and intimacy. But what can I do about it?! I can't constantly restrain these desires 24/7. Get real American society!
And of course, I can't always afford to hire hookers at $200 an hour. Get real. And even if I could, they lack any genuine affection and treat it as all business, which is a real turnoff (I have heard though that non-white "working girls" though, tend to give genuine affection to their clients and treat it like a date). So that wouldn't be enough to satisfy me anyway.
No, I need REAL physical and emotional affection from a woman I'm compatible with who is consistent, sees me regularly, a regular partner to me, and won't flake out or make excuses not to see me. Lots of other guys I see around me have that, so why can't I?! It's not that much to ask for, especially from a good person! I tell God and the universe this everyday, but no real relationship ever solidifies, no matter how hard I try or what I do or how many women I meet. Where is the justice in this universe?
Young women in
Average looking men like me simply have no chance. They have all the upperhand, and whether we treat them right or not, it doesn't matter, cause we aren't their "type" and they look down on us.
In defense and in admission of having too many choices, an attractive close female friend of mine said:
"having a million choices doesn't mean you want any of them. so it doesn't matter.
if i meet a million guys all asking me out and YOU consider them GREAT, but they BORE me, i'm not any more satisfied than u are not satisfied with the offers u get. GET IT? it's all relative."
Uh geez! How picky can you get? If I had a lot of choices, I sure wouldn’t complain! At least she feels wanted. (Note: I did get her to admit later though, that if no guys wanted her, that she would in fact develop complexes about it)
Perhaps my cultural advisor put it best when he said:
1) It is not PC to admit that AW are racist and they do not like Asian men. So, they will advise you all kinds of BS and tell you to improve your hair style, your clothing, work on social skills. All while AW look ugly, have no social skills, often smell bad, are fat and STILL GET THE MOST HANDSOME GUYS AROUND. Something is wrong. Very wrong.
2) If you get advice from Americans, most probably they will not be travelers. So, again, they will not see the proper perspective on things.
Just get your ass over to the
7) Bubble/force field around young modern American women toward strangers
American women tend to ignore those that aren’t part of their clique, talking to strangers only for business or money related matters. In fact, they are defensive, anti-social, and paranoid toward them. They have this bubble/force field around them that makes it feel inappropriate to try to meet them, making you feel like a creep or if you even try (or dare to have desires for them). And if you do penetrate their "bubble", it causes an energy drain in your vibe/aura, to the point where the more you try, the less will and motivation you have to try again. Thus, having nature-given genetically-encoded desires for women makes you feel like a criminal in
Though Americans tend to be in a "bubble" more than people in other countries, due to our strong sense of individualism and lack of interconnectedness that other countries have, the females tend to have a much STRONGER bubble around them than the males do. This has been attested to as obvious by both men and women.
In fact, you rarely see American females even alone in public, but mostly males who are sitting alone and open to being approached. Females tend to hang in groups, with girlfriends, or with their boyfriends/husbands, out in public. And even if they are alone, they usually prefer being alone, for if you ask to join them, they will say that they are enjoying valuable time off and prefer to be by themselves. It is very difficult to find one alone and open to meeting strangers. But, of course, you can find that easily abroad.
But unfortunately, even when I do meet women in
a) They talk to me for a few minutes and then say, “Well it was nice meeting you” and then go off and I usually never see them again.
b) I ask them out and they respond with either “I have a boyfriend/husband” or “I’m too busy to go out and I work/study too much” or “I don’t date, I spend all my time with my baby” or “I just got out of a serious relationship and am not looking right now” or they agree to a date but flake out/not show up later.
So you see, in the big picture, there’s no way to win. Either way, I lose. Why should I play such a losing chess game?
8) High rate of flake-outs and making excuses
In short, no matter how many girls I meet in
After meeting me, for some reason, probably a combination of the above reasons, women tend to make excuses not to spend time with me after meeting me, even if they enjoyed our time together and have a lot in common with me. After our first meeting or date, they tend to either 1- get too busy with work and life to make any time to see me, or 2- suddenly go through emotional stress/problems and claim to need to spend time alone. Or they come up with some other BS excuse, never offering or proposing an alternate or available date to see me again. And if I check back again later, they come up with something else. This happens even when I've done nothing wrong, treated them well, given them a great time, or even if we have tons in common and seem to connect well or are very compatible.
In other countries, all you have to do to get a date is pay a few compliments and flattering words to a woman you desire, and you got it. But in the
On the internet alone, over 90 percent of American females tend to stop talking to me and disappear after they see my photo (unless they're old and don't care), EVEN if we have a lot in common or they like what they hear about me and my qualities. This fact alone totally DEBUNKS the assertion of many naive Americans that women are rejecting me cause of defects in my personality or attitude, for clearly I am being rejected based on looks in this case repeatedly.
That almost never happens with foreign women, even if they're from industrialized countries. I'm not saying that foreign women don't care about looks. They are influenced by them too, but not to the degree that American girls are. Sure, foreign women have rejected me too, but the flake-out rate on me (in person and online) is nowhere near as high as in the states.
I’ve also met hundreds of girls in person from the internet in
To those who tell me that I must lower my standards (albeit an unrealistic suggestion since first, I don't have high standards, and second, I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not), consider this. Even fat ugly women have rejected me in the same way (before I can reject them too lol) simply because, although they can't get anyone either, I still don't fit their "tastes". A lot of chubby women that no guys want still prefer "punk rock" type guys.
9) Being overly tough, aggressive, masculine, confident, they need someone stronger than them
Nowadays, for some reason, American women act overly tough, aggressive, overly confident to the point of being masculine, in their behavior and speech. They are very different from the classical feminine persona of being sweet, tender, modest, romantic, and empathetic. Rather than being gentle, soft, and tender on the inside, they are cold, harsh, abrupt, angry, hateful, snobby, bitchy and ready to diss anyone who accidentally steps on their toes. Also, they behave as though they own everything and have the final say on all.
Modern American women also tend to be harsh, abrupt, business-like, and are able to easily say cruel or hurtful things without remorse or regret. To me, that’s just sociopathic (or perhaps they just have an alien soul to me, who knows).
Therefore, of course, since we all know that women want someone stronger than them, so they can feel protected. That means I've got to be even more tough, aggressive, masculine and confident than they are, to even be considered.
Well it's not that I'm not. It's just that my true strength is inner rather than outer, and keeping it that way feels the most balanced to my overall persona. Outwardly, I am naturally gentle and tender, and so of course they will perceive me as weaker than them. Therefore, in that sense, I'm also not their type, besides not being the cultural ideal. But what can I say? I can't be something I'm not.
Foreign women, on the other hand, tend to be much more modest, humble, gentle, tender, and less aggressive. The difference is too obvious. Thus, who I truly am is a better match-up with them.
10) American women hate men and don't need men
Nowadays, American women have this inner hatred toward men, fueled by feminism and talk shows such as Oprah. You can see it on their faces in public, this anti-men look on their faces, expression, and vibe.
In addition, they are so independent, strong, overly confident, and masculine that they don't really even need men. They believe in having productive, fulfilling lives without them. Many are perfectly happy to just work and go shopping in their spare time. They see themselves as complete, independent and view men as an unnecessary luxury that often causes more trouble than good.
You can see it in the way they walk and behave, as if they have no need to bond/connect with others, seek romance, open their hearts and minds, etc. Instead, they are business-like and cold, only speaking to strangers if it's business or money related. It's as if they are incapable of loneliness and are too fulfilled and busy to bother investing in others. And they walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys “You are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.”
I just don't agree with that. I believe that men and women should need each other. Why should I pursue someone who doesn't need me, won’t emotionally attach herself to me, and doesn’t even make time to spend with me? Why give your heart, feelings and emotions to someone who won't truly give their heart/emotions back? It just seems pointless. And very unromantic as well.
So you see, in
These things above happen to me constantly even after meeting thousands of women. It just never changes. They all either tell me that they are taken, not looking, or flake out. And if an exception seems to be brewing, getting me all excited, it always turns out to be just a farce and temporary. That’s just unacceptable to me.
Even if I am in a situation where the women far outnumber the men, such as a cooking class, yoga class, swing dance club, or college girls dorm, I’m still never “in the game” because they see me as “not dating material”, not their type, and project asexual, prudish vibes at me, keeping interaction with me to a bare minimum, humoring me at best if they have to. In fact, even when I meet a girl who complains that no one wants to date her, and I say that I am interested in dating her, she will usually act as though she didn’t hear it.
Thus, I would say that
Therefore, these reasons help explain why I hate the dating scene in
Whatever the case, I can't accept it and won't give up. If going overseas is the only remedy to the above, and the only way to put me "in the " then so be it. And even if the critics of overseas love-seeking are right (which they are not) that I would get "used" overseas by "desperate women", it's still better than the aforementioned conditions of being totally shut out of the game. Besides, a desperate man is better off going for desperate women anyway, than pursuing super picky Western women with too many choices who don't need him, don't find him to be her type (preferring football players, punks, and bad boys), and don’t ever give him a chance. At least with the former I have a chance, whereas with the latter I have no chance.
But for some reason, these critics don't get that and don't see the big picture.
Nowadays American women have such a high sense of ENTITLEMENT that goes OFF THE CHART! It makes it nearly impossible for guys like me to get dates. And to make things worse, American women always claim to be too busy to date or spend time with me, always, especially in this workaholic society where people make money and mind their own business. So what am I supposed to do, wait for them forever and masturbate while watching useless junk on cable TV? No way! I can just go ABROAD where lots of gorgeous women, most of them tall, skinny and pretty/cute, have plenty of time for me! Why stay in a sinking ship, simply because it’s TABOO to think or talk about getting off it?
As my cultural advisor said above, “The USA for women is like
Logical reasons why my standards are not “too high” in
Let me tell you something else. The dating scene in
Likewise, they are not my type or taste either, as I am attracted to tall thin women.
What’s strange and irrational though, is that critics of my dating rants often claim that I am reaching too far out of “my league”, and ought to settle for women that I’m unattracted to who are more in “my league”. There are some core problems with that. First, I can’t force myself to be attracted to someone I’m not. It would make me unhappy, and it wouldn’t be right, nor even possible. Second, even if American dating culture put me in the same “league” as fat ugly women, it still wouldn’t matter, because simply put, I’m not their type and they aren’t my type. So it could never work, even if I’m in their “league” by cultural standards.
But in spite of that, technically I should not be in the same “league” as fat ugly women because I am NOT fat or ugly. Sure I may be a few pounds overweight, but I am not obese. So there is no logical reason why I would be in the same “league” or category as them. Thus, these critics are not making any sense, nor are they being realistic.
The only thing I have in common with fat ugly chicks is that we are both considered unattractive by US cultural standards. However, everyone who is unattractive in US culture should not automatically be put in the same category, especially since I don’t look anything like them, and even more so, since attractive women abroad consider me in their “league” or sometimes even above their “league” (as the case is in the Philippines). Therefore, there is no logical reason why we should be in the same “league”.
Also, my standards are not that high, so I beg to differ on that too. Here’s why. I simply like thin and cute girls. They may be harder to find in
Therefore, technically there should be nothing wrong with me or my standards. That is not the problem. I am simply a mismatch in US dating culture. The logical solution then, would be to go abroad where my “standards” are not considered “too high”, but are normal and attainable. And of course, to where my dating opportunities and likability are higher and vastly greater. So far, that solution has proven to be the correct endeavor.