Sunday, December 30, 2007

10 reasons why I’m forced to look for love beyond America


I'll put this as honestly as I can, with no BS, no beating around the bush, and no sugar-coating or "watering down" of the facts about why I am excluded from the dating scene in America.

The reasons that the dating scene in America is a no-win situation that doesn't work for me are:

1) I don't fit any of the culturally desirable types of guys that American girls want

I am a short Asian male which is the opposite of the cultural ideal in this country. Young American women desire the following types of guys, none of which I am one of: a) tall sporty athletic Caucasian males, b) scruffy looking punk/skater types, c) beach boy/surfer dude types, d) bad boy types with goatees, and tattoos, e) jocks/athletic types (who are white of course), f) cowboys/macho men, and of course g) guys in a band. I just don't look like any of those types, therefore, I'm not on their wish list or preference. To them, a preppy looking clean-cut kind intelligent Asian male has nothing to offer them, even if he has way more money than those cultural ideal types above that fit American girls' tastes. Hence, they are anti-social to me and see me as zero value.

Now, I am the type of guy that many American women SAY they want – nice, caring, considerate, attentive, considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but in REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later, “Where are all the nice men?” Thus, they shoot themselves in the foot and contradict themselves. How wholesome they are, NOT! In reality, “nice men” are everywhere, they just don’t want them.

2) My ethnicity is considered the least desirable among males to American girls

Among males in the US, Asian men are considered the least desirable race in this country in terms of attraction to American women. They are the equivalent to Black females, who are also considered the least desirable in America in the female racial hierarchy. American females' racial preferences are in this order 1-Whites, 2-Hispanics, 3-Blacks, 4-Asians/East Indians. For those who beg to differ, this order of preference is very evident even in personal ads. For example, if you browse through thousands of American women's personal ads on match.com (something which I have done), you will find that most of them prefer to meet only white Caucasian men. Less than half are open to interracial relationships/dating. And among those that do, they prefer Hispanics and Blacks. Very few are open to Asians or list "Any" under racial preference. Any cursory glance of female personal ads in America will reveal this. There simply is no debate. Even Hollywood movies depict this preference.

Now, some older American women occasionally come out to me and protest, "That's not true, I like Asian men!" but of course, she is just an individual (one "x" among nine "o"s doesn't erase the majority of the "o"s) whereas we are talking about the collective preference, and second, older women tend to be less superficial about looks anyway, due to their mature and lower desirability than young women. Plus, I've noticed that, as with the “I want a nice guy” claim above, many American women who SAY they like Asian men, in reality never date them.

3) My height disqualifies me as well

Also, women are genetically imbred to prefer taller and bigger guys because their instincts think they look like they are better providers and a strong foundation to lean on. Most women won’t even consider a guy who is not at least 5ft 9. And since I am only 5ft 7, I’m just not in the running to them.

4) Most of my qualities are inner, which only older women appreciate

Since most of my good qualities are inner rather than outer, it seems that only women much older (too old for me) appreciate them, rather than younger women or even women my age. And that’s why usually women too old for me reply to my personal ads on Craigs List. The reason, according to one of my consultants, is:

“Because when they are older they lose their beauty and develop inner qualities as well. So they value those in others. Younger girls do not have them and they only have the outward qualities so they value those in others too. They cannot relate to inner ones since they do not have any yet.”

And gee, that just sucks.

5) No freedom to act out my natural genetically-encoded desires for women

In America, young independent women walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys “You are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.”

Simply put, men aren't free to "act out" or "act on" their desires toward women (as they are in most other countries), unless a woman gives him permission to, of course. But the problem for me is that women never give me permission to act out my desires for them. So what am I to do? I definitely have VERY strong desires for romance, love, sex and intimacy. But what can I do about it?! I can't constantly restrain these desires 24/7. Get real American society!

And of course, I can't always afford to hire hookers at $200 an hour. Get real. And even if I could, they lack any genuine affection and treat it as all business, which is a real turnoff (I have heard though that non-white "working girls" though, tend to give genuine affection to their clients and treat it like a date). So that wouldn't be enough to satisfy me anyway.

No, I need REAL physical and emotional affection from a woman I'm compatible with who is consistent, sees me regularly, a regular partner to me, and won't flake out or make excuses not to see me. Lots of other guys I see around me have that, so why can't I?! It's not that much to ask for, especially from a good person! I tell God and the universe this everyday, but no real relationship ever solidifies, no matter how hard I try or what I do or how many women I meet. Where is the justice in this universe?

6) US women have so many choices that I don't even have a chance

Young women in America simply have way too many choices. Guys are constantly after them, hitting on them, calling them, asking for dates, etc. And naturally, when you have so many choices, you become super picky, or you don't choose anyone at all.

Average looking men like me simply have no chance. They have all the upperhand, and whether we treat them right or not, it doesn't matter, cause we aren't their "type" and they look down on us.

In defense and in admission of having too many choices, an attractive close female friend of mine said:

"having a million choices doesn't mean you want any of them. so it doesn't matter.

if i meet a million guys all asking me out and YOU consider them GREAT, but they BORE me, i'm not any more satisfied than u are not satisfied with the offers u get. GET IT? it's all relative."

Uh geez! How picky can you get? If I had a lot of choices, I sure wouldn’t complain! At least she feels wanted. (Note: I did get her to admit later though, that if no guys wanted her, that she would in fact develop complexes about it)

Perhaps my cultural advisor put it best when he said:

"The USA for women is like Bangkok for men. Women can have any man they want. But if people ask for advice about how to score with American women they can never get a straight answer or a correct answer:

1) It is not PC to admit that AW are racist and they do not like Asian men. So, they will advise you all kinds of BS and tell you to improve your hair style, your clothing, work on social skills. All while AW look ugly, have no social skills, often smell bad, are fat and STILL GET THE MOST HANDSOME GUYS AROUND. Something is wrong. Very wrong.

2) If you get advice from Americans, most probably they will not be travelers. So, again, they will not see the proper perspective on things.

Just get your ass over to the Philippines."

7) Bubble/force field around young modern American women toward strangers

In America, young women don’t like talking to strangers, are paranoid and stuck up toward them, and in their own little bubbles/islands. Only old people and little kids are sociable and relaxed toward strangers. But not young women. No way. They are a different dimension and wavelength.

American women tend to ignore those that aren’t part of their clique, talking to strangers only for business or money related matters. In fact, they are defensive, anti-social, and paranoid toward them. They have this bubble/force field around them that makes it feel inappropriate to try to meet them, making you feel like a creep or if you even try (or dare to have desires for them). And if you do penetrate their "bubble", it causes an energy drain in your vibe/aura, to the point where the more you try, the less will and motivation you have to try again. Thus, having nature-given genetically-encoded desires for women makes you feel like a criminal in America, an oddity indeed. This makes meeting women in America SUPER-HARD and unnatural, to say the least.

Though Americans tend to be in a "bubble" more than people in other countries, due to our strong sense of individualism and lack of interconnectedness that other countries have, the females tend to have a much STRONGER bubble around them than the males do. This has been attested to as obvious by both men and women.

In fact, you rarely see American females even alone in public, but mostly males who are sitting alone and open to being approached. Females tend to hang in groups, with girlfriends, or with their boyfriends/husbands, out in public. And even if they are alone, they usually prefer being alone, for if you ask to join them, they will say that they are enjoying valuable time off and prefer to be by themselves. It is very difficult to find one alone and open to meeting strangers. But, of course, you can find that easily abroad.

But unfortunately, even when I do meet women in America, it’s still like a lose-lose situation for me, because one of the following always happens:

a) They talk to me for a few minutes and then say, “Well it was nice meeting you” and then go off and I usually never see them again.

b) I ask them out and they respond with either “I have a boyfriend/husband” or “I’m too busy to go out and I work/study too much” or “I don’t date, I spend all my time with my baby” or “I just got out of a serious relationship and am not looking right now” or they agree to a date but flake out/not show up later.

So you see, in the big picture, there’s no way to win. Either way, I lose. Why should I play such a losing chess game?

8) High rate of flake-outs and making excuses

In short, no matter how many girls I meet in America, they always tell me they are taken, not looking, or flake out on me.

After meeting me, for some reason, probably a combination of the above reasons, women tend to make excuses not to spend time with me after meeting me, even if they enjoyed our time together and have a lot in common with me. After our first meeting or date, they tend to either 1- get too busy with work and life to make any time to see me, or 2- suddenly go through emotional stress/problems and claim to need to spend time alone. Or they come up with some other BS excuse, never offering or proposing an alternate or available date to see me again. And if I check back again later, they come up with something else. This happens even when I've done nothing wrong, treated them well, given them a great time, or even if we have tons in common and seem to connect well or are very compatible.

In other countries, all you have to do to get a date is pay a few compliments and flattering words to a woman you desire, and you got it. But in the US, that's nowhere near enough. Compliments to a woman usually results in a simple "thank you" or feeling that you are a creep. And simply asking them out upfront usually results in responses such as "I have a boyfriend, I'm busy, I am so stressed that I spend all my free time alone, I'm not looking for anyone, I don't know you." etc. With warped logic, they assume by default that ANY man who tries to spend time with them, even platonically or just to talk, is after her body and “objectifies” her. It’s a false assumption and false logic that they hold, that creates an unfeminine no-win situation for men.

On the internet alone, over 90 percent of American females tend to stop talking to me and disappear after they see my photo (unless they're old and don't care), EVEN if we have a lot in common or they like what they hear about me and my qualities. This fact alone totally DEBUNKS the assertion of many naive Americans that women are rejecting me cause of defects in my personality or attitude, for clearly I am being rejected based on looks in this case repeatedly.

That almost never happens with foreign women, even if they're from industrialized countries. I'm not saying that foreign women don't care about looks. They are influenced by them too, but not to the degree that American girls are. Sure, foreign women have rejected me too, but the flake-out rate on me (in person and online) is nowhere near as high as in the states.

I’ve also met hundreds of girls in person from the internet in America. And you know what? None of them wanted to see me a second time, except for maybe two or three, but they only wanted to meet again as friends. Does that indicate that the dating scene in the US is to my advantage? And it was not due to any fault of my own, as I did nothing wrong. These girls had impossible standards, and couldn’t even hold an intelligent conversation. So if the problem is with me, then how come I don’t have any problems holding conversations with foreign women and meeting them more than once?

To those who tell me that I must lower my standards (albeit an unrealistic suggestion since first, I don't have high standards, and second, I can't force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not), consider this. Even fat ugly women have rejected me in the same way (before I can reject them too lol) simply because, although they can't get anyone either, I still don't fit their "tastes". A lot of chubby women that no guys want still prefer "punk rock" type guys.

9) Being overly tough, aggressive, masculine, confident, they need someone stronger than them

Nowadays, for some reason, American women act overly tough, aggressive, overly confident to the point of being masculine, in their behavior and speech. They are very different from the classical feminine persona of being sweet, tender, modest, romantic, and empathetic. Rather than being gentle, soft, and tender on the inside, they are cold, harsh, abrupt, angry, hateful, snobby, bitchy and ready to diss anyone who accidentally steps on their toes. Also, they behave as though they own everything and have the final say on all.

Modern American women also tend to be harsh, abrupt, business-like, and are able to easily say cruel or hurtful things without remorse or regret. To me, that’s just sociopathic (or perhaps they just have an alien soul to me, who knows).

Therefore, of course, since we all know that women want someone stronger than them, so they can feel protected. That means I've got to be even more tough, aggressive, masculine and confident than they are, to even be considered.

Well it's not that I'm not. It's just that my true strength is inner rather than outer, and keeping it that way feels the most balanced to my overall persona. Outwardly, I am naturally gentle and tender, and so of course they will perceive me as weaker than them. Therefore, in that sense, I'm also not their type, besides not being the cultural ideal. But what can I say? I can't be something I'm not.

Foreign women, on the other hand, tend to be much more modest, humble, gentle, tender, and less aggressive. The difference is too obvious. Thus, who I truly am is a better match-up with them.

10) American women hate men and don't need men

Nowadays, American women have this inner hatred toward men, fueled by feminism and talk shows such as Oprah. You can see it on their faces in public, this anti-men look on their faces, expression, and vibe.

In America, women can treat men like shit, but men aren't allowed to complain about it because in America's politically correct feminist culture, women are never wrong and can do no wrong. Hence it's taboo and politically incorrect to go against that.

In addition, they are so independent, strong, overly confident, and masculine that they don't really even need men. They believe in having productive, fulfilling lives without them. Many are perfectly happy to just work and go shopping in their spare time. They see themselves as complete, independent and view men as an unnecessary luxury that often causes more trouble than good.

You can see it in the way they walk and behave, as if they have no need to bond/connect with others, seek romance, open their hearts and minds, etc. Instead, they are business-like and cold, only speaking to strangers if it's business or money related. It's as if they are incapable of loneliness and are too fulfilled and busy to bother investing in others. And they walk around with their nose in the air and give men this vibe that subliminally conveys “You are not to have desires around me. You are to act girly and emasculate, UNLESS I give you permission to want me by coming on to you. I call all the shots. Not you.”

I just don't agree with that. I believe that men and women should need each other. Why should I pursue someone who doesn't need me, won’t emotionally attach herself to me, and doesn’t even make time to spend with me? Why give your heart, feelings and emotions to someone who won't truly give their heart/emotions back? It just seems pointless. And very unromantic as well.

Conclusion:

So you see, in America, I'm just never in the dating . I'm totally shut out and excluded from it. It's one thing to get used, cheated on, etc. like those who are "in the " deal with, but people like me aren't even called up to bat. And that's the worst position to be in. I'd rather even be used than never in the game.

These things above happen to me constantly even after meeting thousands of women. It just never changes. They all either tell me that they are taken, not looking, or flake out. And if an exception seems to be brewing, getting me all excited, it always turns out to be just a farce and temporary. That’s just unacceptable to me.

Even if I am in a situation where the women far outnumber the men, such as a cooking class, yoga class, swing dance club, or college girls dorm, I’m still never “in the game” because they see me as “not dating material”, not their type, and project asexual, prudish vibes at me, keeping interaction with me to a bare minimum, humoring me at best if they have to. In fact, even when I meet a girl who complains that no one wants to date her, and I say that I am interested in dating her, she will usually act as though she didn’t hear it.

Thus, I would say that America probably has the worst dating scene in the world for me. I don't think any other country in the world would totally shut me out of the dating scene and exclude me from it, the way that America does.

Therefore, these reasons help explain why I hate the dating scene in America so much, and why it's a no-win situation for me. I simply feel suffocated and tortured under these conditions, never being allowed to act out my natural desires for women, being required to restrain them 24/7 (an impossible expectation of American women on me). And there seem to be no logical solutions or remedy for me in the states. I've tried everything, both conventional and unconventional, more than you can imagine, and nothing works. It's either a case of bad circumstances, bad karma/fate, or both.

Whatever the case, I can't accept it and won't give up. If going overseas is the only remedy to the above, and the only way to put me "in the " then so be it. And even if the critics of overseas love-seeking are right (which they are not) that I would get "used" overseas by "desperate women", it's still better than the aforementioned conditions of being totally shut out of the game. Besides, a desperate man is better off going for desperate women anyway, than pursuing super picky Western women with too many choices who don't need him, don't find him to be her type (preferring football players, punks, and bad boys), and don’t ever give him a chance. At least with the former I have a chance, whereas with the latter I have no chance.

But for some reason, these critics don't get that and don't see the big picture.

Nowadays American women have such a high sense of ENTITLEMENT that goes OFF THE CHART! It makes it nearly impossible for guys like me to get dates. And to make things worse, American women always claim to be too busy to date or spend time with me, always, especially in this workaholic society where people make money and mind their own business. So what am I supposed to do, wait for them forever and masturbate while watching useless junk on cable TV? No way! I can just go ABROAD where lots of gorgeous women, most of them tall, skinny and pretty/cute, have plenty of time for me! Why stay in a sinking ship, simply because it’s TABOO to think or talk about getting off it? America is CRAZY!

As my cultural advisor said above, “The USA for women is like Bangkok for men.” So why stay on a sinking ship? Why play a losing game? Why not go to where I can have the same upperhand that women do in the USA, such as the Philippines or Thailand (Bangkok)? I am just as deserving as they are (in my opinion). I’d rather be in an area or situation where I have more of an upperhand in the dating field, as it should be. And if it comes down to two desperate people “using” each other, then so be it. It means a lot to me, and no one has the right to tell me that I should continue to suffer and play a losing game instead.

Logical reasons why my standards are not “too high” in America

Let me tell you something else. The dating scene in America is so bad for men now, that I can’t even get fat ugly chicks anymore. You see, even they have their tastes and sense of entitlement. A lot of them, it seems, want the country western rugged cowboy type. They don’t just want any man that’s nice to them, for they’ve been taught by their culture not to settle until they get what they want, the best for them. And of course, I don’t look like the rugged country western cowboy type.

Likewise, they are not my type or taste either, as I am attracted to tall thin women.

What’s strange and irrational though, is that critics of my dating rants often claim that I am reaching too far out of “my league”, and ought to settle for women that I’m unattracted to who are more in “my league”. There are some core problems with that. First, I can’t force myself to be attracted to someone I’m not. It would make me unhappy, and it wouldn’t be right, nor even possible. Second, even if American dating culture put me in the same “league” as fat ugly women, it still wouldn’t matter, because simply put, I’m not their type and they aren’t my type. So it could never work, even if I’m in their “league” by cultural standards.

But in spite of that, technically I should not be in the same “league” as fat ugly women because I am NOT fat or ugly. Sure I may be a few pounds overweight, but I am not obese. So there is no logical reason why I would be in the same “league” or category as them. Thus, these critics are not making any sense, nor are they being realistic.

The only thing I have in common with fat ugly chicks is that we are both considered unattractive by US cultural standards. However, everyone who is unattractive in US culture should not automatically be put in the same category, especially since I don’t look anything like them, and even more so, since attractive women abroad consider me in their “league” or sometimes even above their “league” (as the case is in the Philippines). Therefore, there is no logical reason why we should be in the same “league”.

Also, my standards are not that high, so I beg to differ on that too. Here’s why. I simply like thin and cute girls. They may be harder to find in America. But in foreign countries, thin and cute girls are the standard norm, they are the “average” so to speak. Thus, by international standards, my standards are “normal”, not high.

Therefore, technically there should be nothing wrong with me or my standards. That is not the problem. I am simply a mismatch in US dating culture. The logical solution then, would be to go abroad where my “standards” are not considered “too high”, but are normal and attainable. And of course, to where my dating opportunities and likability are higher and vastly greater. So far, that solution has proven to be the correct endeavor.


7 comments:

  1. I agree with your argument but want to point out that many white men are also having issues with American women! The truth is American women are more standoffish and guarded than women in other parts of the world. I will put it this way, even if American women were approachable I would still prefer European women just because they are so beautiful and feminine by comparison.

    Some people may think you are bitter because you have been rejected by American women but I think that once you have been to Eastern Europe and experienced things the way they ought to be, you would never want to turn back to deal with this shit again! I went to Prague in August and can honestly say that I was in heaven! It's more than the long legs and beautiful faces, it's the attitude and personality as well.

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  2. Dude, you sound like a loser that's why chicks won't bang you. Then you write this garbage and beat it into your own head why chicks won't bang you. You've gotta have a little self confidance douche bag.

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  3. Your right, America is the most difficult country for men (men of all races not just Asian) to meet women. Dating is very competitive in America simply because women in America have a LOT of choices and men are constantly after them (especially the attractive women). When you have lots of choices (like American women do) you becomme super picky and have a list of requirements that are off the charts! Also keep in mind America has the highest percentage of over weight people in the world. This means there are more fat women in America than anywhere else in the world, so the competition for girls who are in shape is fierce! No guy wants a fat chick, they all are competing for the thin girls but there are not enough thin girls to go around!

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  4. Winston, people bitch you out all the time because you're so outspoken. I'm not going to bitch you out, I just think you're a little confused about women. And, that's perfectly understandable because.. well.. women are confusing.

    I'm finally understanding women, and my success rate is going way up. I'm 5'9, definitely not a jock or anything like that. I don't fit the "cultural standards" either. However, I've spent a lot of time reading advice from dating experts like Neil Strauss.

    You said: nice,
    "caring, considerate, attentive, considerate, intelligent, with many interests, New Age type, etc. but in REALITY they go for the bad boy types, and then complain later, "

    There's a simple explanation behind this: bad boy types are unpredictable, fun, and adventerous. Being "nice and considerate" all the time shows no brass, no adventure, no excitement. Women get bored. A girl wants to be taken on a wild, romantic ride. They don't want some wuss calling up "Hi... can I take you to a restaurant?"

    So, they go after the bad-boys because every typical dude they meet is failing the personality tests. Unfortunately, the bad-boys end up mistreating them. This plays into other psychological conundrums, when they want to "change" the bad-boy, but they never can--so they take the abuse. It's tragic, really.

    So what does this mean? Stop being boring. I don't think you're boring Winston, I was a fan of your paranormal writing years before you started all this love overseas stuff. But, you just don't understand women.

    If you'd change your style, build up your confidence, practice improv / comedy skills, tease the heck out of women, and make them chase you a little instead of visa versa, you'd find yourself able to date even the girls in America you complain about.

    But, aren't you like, married with a kid now or something? Maybe you need to give all this rest. Geez.

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  5. Woah woah. Whirlwind, you're probably right that Winston could have had much more success with American women if he'd worked his butt off to change himself, studied all of Neil Strauss' techniques, etc. etc.

    But so what? Are you so pussy whipped that you're truly ok with the fact that to be treated well by American women you have to study interacting with them like it's a science? The attraction between men and women is the most natural thing in the world but it's totally broken in America.

    Winston, just like ANY other man who lives in America, can go overseas and enjoy much more success with women who will appreciate the positive things about him despite his imperfections. Doing so is a totally sane and rational decision.

    I am an attractive, successful, and intelligent American man in my mid-20s. I've enjoyed increased success with American women after a lot of work. I've also done some overseas travel and seen how much easier it is elsewhere.

    Ladies, take note: I plan on moving out of the country in the next 12 months.

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  6. Don't feel to bad about being rejected by your looks, as I have a friend who is even a male stripper, that moved here from Mexico City. The first thing he noticed was that he couldn't get a girlfriend or even one single date to save his life. He came to me one day, just beside himself, saying "what the hell is wrong with this country"? He told me how women would even flirt with him first, so then he would ask them out, only for them to reject him in the rudest manner he had ever seen. And in Mexico City, this guy had a 23 stripper for a girlfriend, and he was only 15! He said in Mexico, any man could date any woman who was available.

    I'm also the tall, athletic Caucasian type that you mentioned. I agree with you, women do go for that type, but even I can't hardly get a girlfriend. I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 27! Being good looking or built will get you laid pretty easily in the USA and thats all it does. I just wanted to share with you this insight. You can tell people about my stripper friend, and I even have anther friend who is a stripper who also says he has great difficulty in getting a girlfriend. I'm telling you man, both of these men actually had women paying them to have sex with them! Yet, even these men can't get a girlfriend. I really can't figure it out. I have suspected the gender ratio, but both of these men live in a city that you can just tell there are about equal numbers of men and women. I understand that Californian has 150,000 more men than women, so I would expect this stuff over there. But even in places with more women, things are the same.

    I have a trip planned to Kharkov, Ukraine in three weeks. Will be my first trip. The guy you call your cultural adviser, the former Ukrainian, has told me I would have no problem with women there. I can't wait to see for myself.

    You have been a big motivation for me looking abroad. Thanks for all of your articles! Maybe something good will come from this. I seem to attract FSU women effortlessly. The only problem I have ran into with them, is they just simply don't believe me when I say I don't have lots of women. They seem afraid that I am some kind of playboy who has slept with a hundred women. I explain that I have only been with one, and they refuse to believe me. One of the few FSU women who rejected me, did so because she didn't believe that I was sincere about marriage. She said a guy with my looks would have no problem with women at all. So she stopped writing me. Can you believe that? But I have plenty of others to choose from.

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  7. Maybe if you stop being such a used tampon then women will date you. What kind of knucklehead are you to think that just because you make more money than surferboy and skaterboy then women should be attracted to you?

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